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Ugh, Happy Thursday...or not

cmd88's picture

Well, today is the day. It's been just over a week and we get SD12 back today. As I am typing this DBF is on his way to go pick her up. I can't even fathom on how clingy she is going to be as soon as she gets to the house. I had posted a few times but removed my posts recently because I finally just lost it and told DBF what SD12 was considered.....a mini wife. 

He's been asking why I have been so off and sad and there were other things that were weighing on me as well, so I was all over the place when I was expressing how I felt. I had stated how me and SD12 used to be close and now all she does is roll her eyes at me when I speak to her, doesn't listen to me when I say to pick up all of the stuff that she leaves around the house, doesn't do her portion of the chores, my DD13 ends up doing all of them and there's never any type of punishments for her actions. DBF says he does scold her when need be, and that I just don't see it apparently. I have only seen it maybe twice out of the 2 1/2 years we have been together. Guys, please don't get the wrong impression, my DBF is a good man but he does have a small case of disney dad syndrome I believe. And he babies SD12 because he doesn't see her 24/7. He shares 50/50 with baby mama. 

I just have a feeling that it's going to be 10 times worse this week because she hasn't been to the house in over a week due to going remote with school. I am dreading going home because I know right when I get there, they will be there "snuggling" on the couch and when dinner comes, they will just be talking amongst themselves like no one else is at the table.

I am sorry this is all scatterbrained, I am just super stressed out and am debating on just taking my time coming home, but my DD13 just called me to say she was sick from her 3rd booster, so I want to be there for her. Anyway, so I had brought up how SD12 was a mini wife, and he asked what that was, so I told him, and he was like no... She's just a little girl, she hasn't even started puberty yet and I don't want her to mature, and how they have a close bond that's why they hold hands, kiss on the lips, cuddle, etc... Then he asked if I was accusing him of having a "Inappropriate relationship" with SD12, and I was like no, wtf, I am just saying it makes me uncomfortable and that I feel like I am the other woman. That she is his wife and I am just the other woman. He just kept saying no, they just have a good bond and he doesn't want her to mature too fast because of how the world is and blah blah blah. I was also expressing how she acts like she is the woman of the house by trying to make the decisions and he asked me to give examples and then he said, well tell her no, that you're the adult and she's the child. But basically, I don't know if I made the situation worse, or if he's actually going to wake up and see that she isn't a little girl anymore. 

I don't want to go home today...ugh

Guys, am I wrong here for feeling this way? Should I have just let it go and not said anything? I feel like it's probably going to esculate now but I don't know. Should I just disengage, if so, how do I do it?


AgedOut's picture

If it were me, and I know I'm probably wrong so please correct me, I'd lean into it. If you walk into a room and they're snuggling like spoons, say "I'll give you two your privacy" and go to a different room. If they ignore you at dinner, eat, get up and walk away. Make it a point to use your words to say it "I'm sorry I interrupted your special time" then walk away. 


like I said, I'm probbly wrong and the more in the know ladies can give you better advice but damn I'd be livid at feeling like the outsider in your adult relationship.

cmd88's picture

No, you're not wrong at all. When we were on our vacation and SD12 swooped in to hold his hand constantly, and DBF was like come here baby, hold my hand, I responded with nah, I will leave you two alone, there's not enough space for me. DBF tries, he does but he's not understanding that she is almost 13 years old and she is manipulating him and is clearly trying to push me out because she's used to being the only female in the house, now there's two more added and I know she's upset with us because she heard us talking about trying for a baby soon, which wasn't really her business but she tends to like to butt in. Some of the commentors on here just always immediatly go to, "Leave him." No, he's a good guy and does listen to me when I have issues and did not flip out on me when I told him what his DD was. He just asked a lot of questions and said he was going to do research and that I have a right to scold SD12 when she isn't listening to me.... I do wish he would stop giving into her shenanigans and actually see what she's doing and how inappropriate and wrong it truly is...and how disrespectful she can be to me. 

advice.only2's picture

I think the term you are looking for isn't mini wife it's pedophile.   Your DBF gaslighting you and telling your his actions aren't concerning is well concerning.  You have posted on here several times now about the grooming you are seeing and how its making you your gut!

cmd88's picture

She's not developing physically at all. She's too skinny. Maybe a little in her face but other than that she is short and super tiny. BM put her on a "diet" a couple of weeks ago so she is not developing the way she is supposed. And yes, I addressed and DH made her a doctors appointment because she seems a little malnourished. She eats at our house, a decent amount but doesn't get as much at BM's. I can't argue with everyone on here and make anyone believe that he is not a pedophile like other's on here have stated or tell you that he doesn't look at SD12 sexually because no matter what, that will be the automatic assumption on here. I came on here for advice because I see other's that have had the same issue. Without actually living in my home and seeing what I see, experience what I experience and only knowing half out it through a blog, doesn't make someone an automatic pedophile, and someone who is "grooming" their kid. I honestly just think he doesn't want her to grow up too fast because of the fact that he and BM had her while they were still in highschool and his job profession makes him more protective. Is it right to baby her and try to stop her from growing up? No. So I agree and respect most of what everyone is saying.  I delete my blogs because I don't want the small chance that someone I know seeing these blogs. I came on here because I felt like I could vent and have some outside support and maybe find some people on here to relate to... 

advice.only2's picture

Perverts don't want the children to develop, they like them looking like children.  I understand you are sensitive and worry that you have been manipulated to the point that you are ignoring every red flag here, because you have been gaslit to believe his behavior is normal.

cmd88's picture

Though I do not agree with your comments, I appreciate the feedback. Thank you!

notsurehowtodeal's picture

What really bothers me about your SO is he openly admits that his behavior would be inapropriate if she was having her period. That implys there is something sexual about his actions - if they would be wrong if she was "a woman" - why wouldn't they be wrong anytime? And she may not have her period yet, but surely she is developing physically in other ways. And her somewhat rebellious behavor suggests her hormones have kicked in.

I don't know, I just get a weird vibe off your SO's explanations for his behavior. His view of his daughter is just really messed up. And if he really valued you, he would change his behavior simply because it bothers you. Listen to your "inner voice" - it is telling you something is wrong here - whether it is his actions towards his daughter or towards you - something is off.

cmd88's picture

She's not developing physically at all. She's too skinny. Maybe a little in her face but other than that she is short and super tiny. BM put her on a "diet" a couple of weeks ago so she is not developing the way she is supposed. And yes, I addressed and DH made her a doctors appointment because she seems a little malnourished. She eats at our house, a decent amount but doesn't get as much at BM's. I can't argue with everyone on here and make anyone believe that he is not a pedophile like other's on here have stated or tell you that he doesn't look at SD12 sexually because no matter what, that will be the automatic assumption on here. I came on here for advice because I see other's that have had the same issue. Without actually living in my home and seeing what I see, experience what I experience and only knowing half out it through a blog, doesn't make someone an automatic pedophile, and someone who is "grooming" their kid. I honestly just think he doesn't want her to grow up too fast because of the fact that he and BM had her while they were still in highschool and his job profession makes him more protective. Is it right to baby her and try to stop her from growing up? No. So I agree and respect most of what everyone is saying.  I delete my blogs because I don't want the small chance that someone I know seeing these blogs. I came on here because I felt like I could vent and have some outside support and maybe find some people on here to relate to... 

Merry's picture

There have been plenty of times I haven't wanted to go home. Totally understand that.

Let's say that your DBF is a good guy and just clueless. Maybe he needs instructions, so start with one or two small things. Figure out what things, specifically, you'd like him to change. Then give him simple instructions. Man = simple.

"DBF, it really makes me uncomfortable when you and SD talk just between the two of you at dinner and I am not included. I feel like you don't really care if I'm there or not.  It would be great if you could initiate a conversation that includes me, and don't let SD change the topic back to something just for you two." Remind him that teaching her manners is his job as a parent. Let's assume he agrees to this. It's such a small thing.

Then, if he comes through, tell him later how much you appreciated it. If he fails, then ask him why he didn't do what he said he would.

cmd88's picture

Thank you for your kind advice. I went home yesterday and DBF greeted me at the door while SD12 stayed back. Though she was sitting where I usually sit, DBF came in to the kitchen with me and helped me with dishes and making dinner. Dinner time was ok for the most part. SD12 was trying to be the center of attention and that didn't last long. We all watched a movie together and instead of SD12 sitting in a chair, she was kind of pouty and sat on the floor the entire movie. Oh well. She did her usual, take an hour to get ready for bed and I have decided to disengage and not be the one telling her she needed to hurry up. DBF stepped in and said that she needed to hurry up and she kept stalling and then he said that he wasn't going to tell her again and she finally finished getting ready for bed. (Bed time has always been a struggle with her because she putts around everytime) So, Day 1 after I had a long talk with DBF was a little better and I am hoping that it continues. 

CHop's picture

I dated someone for 4 months who had an 11 year daughter like this. He actually let her and his two youngest boys sleep with him. He would let her sleep right beside him. She was always playing with his hair or trying to sit in his lap. She would boss her younger brothers around and even sometimes hurt them for her dads attention. I would do things with her by myself and she would be so loving but as soon as he was around it all would change. She didn't even like her brothers to get attention. There was definitely more wrong there but the dad couldn't see it and she was his little girl. I think it is hard for dads to see any issues with their little girls. It is definitely tough to deal with. I wish anyone in this situation good luck. 

cmd88's picture

Luckily, she does not sleep in our bed, and even if that were a thing before I had started seeng him and moved in, that would definitely not fly with me. SD12 does make comments about her being "too scared" and that she is going to sleep in our room and that is a big NO. And yes, he sees her as his little girl, but apparently people are automatically assuming that he's a pedophile. Do I think the snuggling and stuff is inappropriate? Yes and I have stated that to DBF and he explained his side and I explained how it's still not right, now I am waiting for results which I already had seen a little of it after I got home yesterday. SD12, like I said acts like she is 5, very immature, hasn't developed physically or mentally where she should be, so I understand he still thinks she's just a child in some aspects, but again, I expressed that it was wrong and he did not flip out at me, so there's that. Thanks for the kind advice and words.

Winterglow's picture

If he still balks at what you're telling him, try the Facebook test. Take a few photos of them snuggling, cuddling, kissing, etc. and post them on Facebook with a caption something like "isn't it sooooo cute to see them snuggling all the time?" and wait for the comments... Sometimes it helps to see things through others' eyes for him to understand that it isn't just you.

cmd88's picture

I will definitely try that if things don't improve after the long discussion that we had the other night. Thank you for the advice!

CLove's picture

That you comminucated and he is willing to look into things more, but someone brought up that her not having her period makes all the affection and attention ok, and that just makes me go "huh?"

Hes not "seeing it" because he doesnt want to. Sorry. Thats all Ive got.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Im am so sorry but i thought yuck when I read this. When he asked you if you thought the behavior was inappropriate you should have said yes but it is! Your SD is 12! She is not a little girl, she's almost a teen so he really needs to help with the unhealthy behavior or she's gonna need therapy . I had the same issue witH my SD who is now 12 also. When DH and I moved in she thought she was the little wifey. She was a lot younger but still . She would cry if we closed the door to get dressed . She was 10 and still coming into our room at night because she was "scared" she would always be all over DH and hold his hand across the table . This all stopped when I brought it to DH attention and when SD starter her period at age 10 almost 11. It helped also when I had DD2. He realized SD is not a baby anymore and needs to take on her role in the house as a big sis and help with things around the house . My DH would baby SD so bad and my BS10 would get stuck doing a lot of the chores but not anymore.

when she is here I tell her also to help out. Maybe you need to give her a few chores to do or created a chart. She needs to be treated her age which is not a little girl anymore . You need to have a serious talk with your DH and tell him he is only causing her developmental and emotion damage by not allowing her to grow up. Maybe he needs some therapy himself ??? I'm so sorry I hope it improves. 

AgedOut's picture

I thought about this last night after I shut down and was kicking back. Why? Because I have a 13 year old granddaughter. Would I speak up if this were my son and his daughter? Yes. Because something just seems icky about this. I can't pinpoint what but I'd be shutting that shite down asap. If they're snuggled up on the couch spooning? I'd walk in front of him, stop and say "you two need to end this snuggle fest so I can sit here too" then plant your tush and when he/she tries to body mold to each other directly look at him and say "that is inappropriate" 

because, it is. 

cmd88's picture

You're absolutely right. I am not saying that everyone that has commented is wrong only in some aspects when it comes to labeling my DBF as a pedophile/molestor without knowing everything. If I were to type out everything, it would truly be longer than one page. It is icky, and makes me feel super uncomfortable which I had expressed to DBF and he did listen to what I was saying without getting super defensive, I have stated a few times when she would go to hold his hand or lay by him on the couch that, "Isn't she a little too old for this?" And SD12 gives me one nasty look. I try to model the behavior that should be happening from DBF and SD12 with my daughter. She gives me a hug good night or will rest her head on my shoulder if she's not feeling well but that is it. Hopefully everything that I have done thus far starts to work. If it doesn't then yes, I am considering bringing DBF in my therapy sessions so he can also hear it from my counselor. Other family members have only seen SD12 sit on his lap, but one of his sisters let her kids sleep in bed with her and the dad or they legit throw tantrums, and I mean awful ones and they are just as spoiled, maybe even more. I don't want SD12 to turn into them.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

On one hand you keep defending him and saying there is no way he is a pedophile or is grooming his daughter, yet on the other hand you also keep saying things like this, "If I were to type out everything, it would truly be longer than one page. It is icky, and makes me feel super uncomfortable which I had expressed to DBF..." As I said before, listen to your inner voice - it is trying to tell you something. Your SO is doing things to a young girl that make you feel "icky" and "uncomfortable" - why are his actions making you feel that way?

How does he treat your daughter? Any red flags there?

cmd88's picture

When I stated if I were to type out everything ti would truly be more than one page, I was not meaning everything with DBF and SD12, I meant everything in general. The in laws, the BM drama, etc... 

He's treats her well, but distant at the same time. He will joke around with her and take her to her appoitments when need be since I work Monday-Friday 8-4:30. So does he take care of her when he doesn't have to? Yes, is he cuddly with my child? No. They have only hugged once because my daughter had just found out that her dog she keeps at my mom's house had been hit by a UPS truck and was quite sad. All and all he treats her just fine, obviously he isn't her dad so they have more of a buddy relationship more than anything.

Stepdrama2020's picture

We can only give advice from what is written. We give advice based on our own experiences. Some you may not agree with, or want to see. Thats ok. Take it or leave it. I think reading your threads these Stalker ladies and gents have been pretty good on picking up on from what youve written. 

I am happy for ya that your DBF is listening to you now and started researching. Maybe most of us got it completely wrong, and thats ok. Its your life, and your job to create the best life for you .

Blessings and good luck

cmd88's picture

I guess I just get defensive with the labels that were posted because I personally know what a pedophile is and what a molester is, I unfortunately experieced it from age 3 and remember everything, so it triggered some bad emotions/feelings when I had read that. I am a pretty good judge of charactor so I guess it just stung a little. I do appreciate people taking the time to comment and give feedback negative or positive. I need to be more specific with my blogs from now on, that's what I have learned from this. 

He seems to be listening, or at least taking it all in and thinking about exactly what I said and how I felt. He is researching what mini wife is and such, we just haven't spoke about it since a couple of days ago. We don't like having these types of conversations while we have our kids, i'm assuming we will when we have a little time alone tonight or wait it out until we are kid free next weekend. So far, so good, but it's only been one day since she's been home. She leaves Sunday and will keep everyone updated if they wish to hear more about it and the steps I am taking and he is taking, better or worse.

Stepdrama2020's picture

HUGS. NOW I get your reaction. My heart bleeds you went through that. I cant believe Im typing this part, never shared this but to a close few...BTDT. Its a lifetime as a victim to get over it. You know you are ok when you realize that you werent the damaged one, it was them.  You shouldnt feel shame, but they should. OK this is too heavy.


cmd88's picture

*HUGS* back at you. It's not something that I talk about, really haven't to many people besides my counselor who I have been going to for 2 years now. I go there for Trauma therapy, and we will start talking about things that are very heavy and once he knows it's too much, we go to something else. Seems like lately he's been just letting me talk about what's happening in the now, not what was in the past, though the past is what sneaks up on me, especially when I get in the mode of real depression and hiding out in my room since that's the "safe place." I was age 3 all of the way up until I would say about 8 years of age. One is in prison but not for what he did to me, and then the other one died just a couple of years ago.  

I know that my DBF does not have those tendencies, because I know a molester/perdophile when I see one. I know how they act, I know that they are what they are just by looking at them and he is far from it. He just needs to understand that she isn't a child/baby anymore and so does his family. SD12 is a very sensitive kid, so if you say, "no" to her, she's going to run away and cry, I know when he fully explains to her that the clingyness can't go on anymore that she's definitely going to flip out. Which, I am not looking forward to. 

bananaseedo's picture

It could be people are overreacting- but there is somthing called emotional incest and enmeshed which is bad as well, but does not make him a pedophile.  There is a really good artcile online created by a dad and for dads you could share with him that makes sense and doesn't come across as 'accusatory'.

Hope this helps, my heart goes out to you.

cmd88's picture

This is perfect! Thank you for sending this to me. This is more like what I was explaining in a way and wondered when I was reading other's feed about the same mini wife issue what emotional incest was about. Thanks again for the feedback and I plan on sharing this with DBF next weekend. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Good article

Merrigan's picture

Both my SDs seemed to go through a clingy phase at 12-15. SD17 wants nothing to do with cuddles anymore (thank GOD) but SD15 will still snuggle up to her dad on the couch and hold his hand in public. It doesn't bother me nearly as much as it did with SD17, because unlike her, the younger SD doesn't try to rub it in my face.  My SO also comes from a more affectionate family than I do, and I can be a bit extreme about physical touch from anyone other than an SO, so I realize that some of my squickiness comes from me.

You know your SO. He seems to see his daughter as a little girl still and doesn't want her to grow up. It's been hard on my SO to see his girls start to turn into women.  Sounds like the same thing is going on here. I don't see a hint of grooming here. 

cmd88's picture

I think for me, since I am a first time "Stepmother" well, going to be... I just get uncomfortable with it because she does seem like she wants to rub it in my face and her attitude towards me lately doesn't help the situation. I am glad that they grew out of it in your case! Thank goodness. I hope that she does too. I just don't see her mentally maturing anytime soon, which is unfortunate. SD12 goes as far as doing a weird flirty/fake laugh when DBF will say something funny, but it isn't like super funny you know? And she goes and smacks him on the shoulder and giggles. It's kind of what a school girl would do when she is flirting with another school boy. I get more annoyed than anything. Yesterday wasn't too bad since I think he is starting to understand now, but she still did that damn flirty laugh, and kept butting into our conversation and trying to cut my DD13 off when she was trying to tell a story. It's only been one day though and I am hoping it's not like how it usually is for the rest of the days that we have her. 

I didn't think it was grooming either and that article that was sent definitely helped. 

Merrigan's picture

When SD17 was about 13 and in the height of her clinging phase, she said she wished she could marry Daddy.  She would barge in his bedroom when we were changing or being intimate so she could "catch" us. It weirded us both out and since then there have been locks on the bedroom door.  Now, she thinks he's a weirdo and doesn't want him around her and her friends. She's up for hugs, but would rather be in her room online with her friends.  He feels insecure about it but I've told him it's typical for teen girls to pull away. It does get better in most of these cases.

I think it could get better for you too. And I'm so sorry to hear about your past traumas. Sending good vibes to you. 

cmd88's picture

That would definitely weird me out too. SD12 doesn't barge in our room but she will constantly knock on our door and keep saying, "dad, dad, dad," until he asks what she wants and then it's usually something like, "I am watching spongebob and it's so funny." or "I am eating cereal." Just random crap like that and it's always on the mornings he and I have off and try to sleep in, which we never get to. Usually a person doesn't expect to get no sleep when they have new borns. She's fricken 12! I just called there to check on my DD13 to see how she is handling the booster, and guess what? She's clinging on DBF as we speak. I got mad because I could hear her in the background and I just hung up the phone. Still trying to cool off before actually going home and getting ready for date night that I am just thinking of canceling because I am that irritated. 

Thank you for the good vibes, I am getting through it. Trauma will always be trauma, but i've been doing okay. 

I get that your SO feels insecure because at one point your SD was his baby girl, but it will get better with time. Are you two planning on having any more children?

Merrigan's picture

Sounds like she's trying to get her dad's attention away from you (and your daughter). If he feels guilty about that, he might indulge it.

I don't have kids and most likely can't, ( I also identify as childfree) so no babies for us. 

cmd88's picture

It was frustrating when I was trying to talk and hear her trying to interupt while I was trying to check on DD13. 

And there's nothing wrong with that. We were planning on having more, but kind of scared to with how SD12 is.

Winterglow's picture

So why don't you tell her it's rude to interrupt and to wait her turn. That's what teachers would do. 

cmd88's picture

I was in the beginning telling her not to interupt and let other's talk. I guess I just got fed up with it all and just let DBF handle it from then on out. This past weekend has been the better of them all in quite a while. She did the interupting thing a couple of times this weekend but DBF told her to zip it until other's were finishing their conversation. 

AgedOut's picture

it's a bit late in the game but I saw this and w/ a SIL whose grands scream when she's not giving them 100% attention, I would just say "It sounds like xyz doesn't want you talking to me. call me back when you can give me your attention. goodbye."

cmd88's picture

I would probably make the same type of comment to be honest with you. Just the other day, I was asking SD12 and DD13 what they wanted on their pizza, as I was picking that up for them for their dinner before doing mine and DBF's date night and DD13 answered me, and SD12 just sat there, pouting, and I asked again, what do you want on your pizza? Rolled her eyes at me, didn't respond, I got up and said, "I guess I am just talking to a wall." and she just screamed at me, "I said SUPREME!!! GOD!" I said, you said nothing to me, you just sat there, but whatever. 

That is a good response too, I will have to try that if she hasn't learned not to interupt people while they are talking. I was just going to let it go, and walk away when she's talking over everyone and let DBF handle it, but I may have to try this out at least once before then, lol. My SIL's kids also have 2 children that scream when they do not have her full attention, and that's pretty much an all day thing. They also have to have SIL or BIL sleep next to them or they will throw tantrums.... I guess I don't have it quite as bad and I don't know how people can deal with that for that long. 

Disillusioned's picture

I think communication is always the way to go. Especially if it's making you uncomfortable. Rather than stewing about it and dealing with growing resentment, better to calmly express how it's making you feel

My YSD in particular was/still is a mini-wife and between DH's divorce dad guilt, fear of her too walking out of his life, and his geniune over the top pride in her despite all her crap not to mention mistreatment towards me, there have been times it has gotten way too much for me to deal with as well

I've found trying to ignore it, or go along with it simply doesn't work. Honestly just speaking up when something seems over the top, or has made me uncomfortable has been the best thing to to

It's still not perfect, but DH has checked himself on some of the things he's said and done that are rediculous and I've mentioned to him have made me uncomfortable

And it's better

So, I would clearly tell your DH and use specific examples, each and every time. Until he starts to see what is not appropriate, what causes you to feel alienated or humilated and then he can decide if it is in fact the right way to carry on

Hope it gets better!

cmd88's picture

Me communicating a lot more than I did has seemed to work so far. But it's only been a week. I am not sure if he has taken in what I have expressed the past little while or he is just seeing it for himself the things that make me uncomfortable and realizing that he needs to let SD12 grow up. Things are different from what they were a couple of weeks ago, so I am hoping that our talk we had did help. Only time will tell. 

As for her attitude, she had it the first night when I got home, and was sitting where I normally sit. I kept DBF busy with helping me cook dinner and when it was movie time, she chose to sit on the floor because she was pouting a little bit. But by night number two, she was in a good mood, and had a decent attitude. I came home to her doing the dishes without me prompting her to do chores, which was nice. By night 3 she was less clingy and doing her own thing. Not sure if this is going to last, but I am hoping it does.

cmd88's picture

I can only hope. 

Tried out's picture

I, too, was molested throughout my childhood. So reading about your DH and SD set off red alerts in my head.

The part that continues to make me uneasy is that in an earlier post, now deleted, you said the physical closeness, the under the covers cuddling for hours on end, is a relatively new thing. That's what concerns me.

The person who molested me eventually did it with other family members in the same room, using a throw to hide what he was doing. I will never understand why nobody questioned what the hell was going on. It was many years ago, but come on - this started out of nowhere, after years of hiding what he was doing, and my parents didn't see how odd it was?

The only answer I have ever come up with is we don't see what we don't want to see. 

cmd88's picture

I am sorry that it happened to you. I never wish that upon anyone and it is something that just never goes away in our minds. I did delete my previous posts because I don't want the chance of someone reading my posts that know me and I just wasn't fully comfortable expressing the issues at the same time. Now I just don't care. It's nice to be able to vent, even if I get negative feedback. 

I know for a fact that he's not molesting her, and it's not because he is my significant other. I can read people pretty well and this is not the case. Just like the other posters on here had stated, he still sees her as a little girl and not in a sexual sense. She was spoiled by everyone on both sides of her family for pretty much all of her life, he had her at a very young age and doesn't want her making the same mistakes that he did (having kids too young). He also grew up in a very loving family, where everyone hugs even if it's only been a day since they have seen each other.. I am not a very touchy person, so I guess I am always uncomfortable when even someone comes up and tries hugging me. 

I do know that she is far too old for the snuggling, holding hands, etc... That's why I had to say something, that's also why I came on this website for advice and to see if anyone else has experienced this.