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Adult 24 Year Old Being on Own Car Insurance

FrustratedandLost's picture

Ok, so I need some advice. My oldest SD is 25 and works as a nurse. She just bought a new car and my husband let her put her car on our insurance without talking to me first. I tried to tell him that even though we have insurance, the other party can come after us if they want even though we have insurance. I don't want anything to happen because we have a house and I don't want to lose our house. He told me this is how it was going to happen and I needed to basically shut up about it. How do I deal with this? My husband is one that doesn't listen to me when it comes to these kinds of things because he thinks I don't know anything. I don't know what to do. Does anybody have any advice? I'm so frustrated with the way he treats me when it comes to what he does for his kids and I'm frustrated as all get out. Has anybody gone through this? What did you do and what was the outcome?


Ispofacto's picture

Yes, if she wrecks the injured party can come after you.

My insurance company did not allow me to cover my adult son when he no longer lived here.  I had no idea, but they call us annually to review our policy (cars, drivers, miles, residency) and when I answered honestly, they booted him.

Call your insurance company and let it slip that she doesn't live there.



Stepdrama2020's picture

That is what your husband is. It doesnt matter how amazing he is in any other way. The way he treats and speaks to you regarding his kids is disgusting.

My outcome was divorce, but not based on this issue alone.  So your DH is a bully and makes all the decisions like you are a child. Doesnt sound equal to me. Its downright shitty.

Can you get your own car insurance and let DH and his wife, er I mean SD be on one together? Or this doesnt make financial sense?

Blessings and good luck lady

CLove's picture

This hasnt happened to me, but now that you bring it up, I will need to research this further.

Heres how you can protect yourself. Just make sure you have umbrella coverage and her car is titled to her name. You have your assets and anything joint they cant go after. Thats according to this article.

But the bigger issue is that person you are married to.

FrustratedandLost's picture

She just bought the car this weekend and the car is in her name. She was advised that she needed to get her own insurance by an agent at the insurance company we have. But my husband said she could add it to our insurance policy, which he called his policy, so that the poor baby didn't have to pay a higher amount each month. My concern is that they can still come after us as the policy holders.

And yes, he is a prick for not talking to me about anything that happens with his kids or decisions that are made. I have been contemplating divorce for a while now but am not 100% sure what to do. I know that he is never going to treat me as his equal and that frustrates the hell out of me. I sometimes think about what my life would be like without him and the fact that I wouldn't have to deal with any of this. 

Merry's picture

Yes, indeed. Adult SS was in an accident, his car was titled in DH's name and he was on our insurance. The other party came after DH too. Fortunately nothing came of it because she was at fault.

Next car was titled in SS's name, but DH was still stupid and kept SS on our insurance. I don't know how that was even possible as SS lived in another state. I actually didn't mind the money part -- SS was working hard and doing his best. I would much rather have sent him money every month if he needed it and let him handle his own grownup business.

The other thing is that once on Dad's plan, there's not much incentive to do anything else. When SS finally worked through his issues and got a decent job, I had a hell of a time getting him off our cell phone plan and car insurance. It all worked out eventually but it wasn't pleasant. I finally figured out that this was about DH needing SS to need him.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Call the insurance company and have them remove her. If they can't, have them set you up with a new policy. No, it won't protect your joint assets should SD get into a big accident. However, maybe the inconvenience of you not helping him pay for his daughter's insurance mixed with the 9th circle of Hell level of pissed that he'll be will push you to make a permanent change where his BS doesn't impact your life long-term.

I could forgive and likely get over my spouse giving their kid money to pay for their car insurance, but putting my assets at risk and telling me I can deal with it would be a bridge too far. Coddling is annoying, but disrespect is toxic. Your DH isn't doing something annoying; he's doing something toxic.

bearcub25's picture

I have never heard of an insurance company insuring a car unless the policy holder(s) are on the title of the car.  Are you sure he didn't cosign for it?

My DSO cosigned for SD so she could be on his insurance and save big bucks since she is 20.  We aren't married and he has his own insurance and I have mine even though we are both on the titles of our vehicles, bikes, etc.

PS   I'm not mad he did it as she is a good kid.

FrustratedandLost's picture

My DH did not co-sign for the car. OSD hasn't talked to DH for a long time and now she wants something and he wants to play good guy and kiss her ass. The only time she has talked to him in the past year and a half is when she needed something. He's been pissed off at her for this whole time and called her a B because she's had an attitude but he thinks she should be babied. I told him that she is a nurse and can afford to pay her own insurance now and that she needs to be an adult now. 

24 years as a SM's picture

DAH did this years ago with SD39 (Leech). Leech was 25 at the time, she was in an accident, and one person was injured. Needless to say we were sued since the insurance was in our name. Leech acted like it was no big deal, since it wasn't effecting her. We were told that if the insurance company could not settle the amount that it was possible that we would have to sell our house to pay the outstanding amount. Our house is in a trust that I inherited when my dad passed away, and is in my name only. We now have separate insurance accounts, DAH has one for all the vehicles that he owns and  I have a separate insurance for my vehicles.  At this point in time, I am sure he would never do this again, but I am not taking any chances.

Do not let your DH put you in the situation of possibly losing everything. If he wants to be stupid and have her on the insurance, tell him that everything that both of you co-own needs to be put in your name only. Or if he wants to baby a full grown adult, then have him pay for her insurance for a year, but have the insurance in her name only.

FrustratedandLost's picture

I told him I was going to call our insurance and tell them she doesn't live with us and he told me not to cause problems or watch what happens. I told him not to bully me anymore and that he wasn't going to bully me anymore. He told me that he doesn't think he wants to be with me anymore and I said good. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

not only is he a prick and a bully, he is  ABUSIVE. He wants to leave because you wanted to be honest to the insurance company. Like being a stand up person is wrong especially if it benefits sugar sweetie SD? Sorry that is emotional blackmail/abuse.

I would take him up on that. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

I'm sorry that it looks like this might be the final nail in the coffin, but I'm also glad for you that he decided to truly show his arse. Hopefully this makes your future decisions easier, or at least more clear.

caninelover's picture

I would not want to be involved with someone like this.

Please consider leaving - and then the car insurance will become a non-issue once you dissolve the marriage.

24 years as a SM's picture

If you haven't already, rat hole money by opening a separate bank account at a different bank. If you have shared bank account go to the bank and remove half the money. Do not  transfer funds to the new account, cash or cashier check only. Copy any and all paperwork about bank accounts, property and any other assets. My first husband hid some much joint assets that I got screwed over for about $40K in the divorce.

Sandybeaches's picture

My DH can be quite the same way about these things....

Case and point my SS was on his insurance.  This was before we shared insurance.  SS got a DWI no accident.  DH's company was going to cancel DH if he didn't drop SS.  I made it a point to make sure no kids were on our insurance as SS has gone on to collect 2 more DWI's and the second 2 included accidents.  Thank God SS didn't kill someone but it was still poor SS as he laid in the hospital with DH running to his side and BM using it as a reason to contact DH .... a mess!  A mess that I stayed out of !!! 

DH got mad at me one time when DH was driving my old car as a winter rat that was under my insurance.  He was going to let SS drive it for a few days.  I said no you're not and he said I thought you said it was my car I said it is but it's not your insurance it's mine and I will be damed if someone who gets DWI is going to drive it.  It was after SS first and he said he will never do that again... I said says you!!  so he did not drive it DH was mad but we see that I was sadly right... SS got 2 more DWI's.  Never trust him after the first hello???

I am so sorry for you!!  You are not wrong your DH is.  he should never add anyone to your insurance.  Get your own!!

Harry's picture

Like one to two million worth of insurance. Should be like $400 a year I think. You need to have certain limits on main car insurance and your homeowners insurance 

FrustratedandLost's picture

My thing is with this whole situation is that she has had accidents in the past that were her fault. This is my first home and I don't want to lose it. Her insurance through AAA would be $195 a month for a 2021 Toyota RAV4. She makes good money as a nurse and can afford the insurance payment. She doesn't live on her own; she lives with her friend's grandparents who charge her less than $400/month for a room. She can afford it. 

24 years as a SM's picture

AAA is what we had when Leach got in her accident. Our rates sky rocketed, even after Leech's car was removed from that policy.

IDontCare3117's picture

Your DH and SD are committing insurance fraud.  How do I know this?  Because I'm an insurance fraud investigator for a major carrier, and investigate several cases like this each month.

Neither you nor your DH are on the car title / registration.  That means neither of you has an insurable interest in the car.  That's a huge issue.  Your SD doesn't live with you and apparently hasn't in quite some time; this raises a garaging issue.  Where a car is is principally garaged can effect premiums.  

I don't deal much with California so I can't cite the insurance regulations chapter and verse.  I can tell you, though, you need to call your agent, let him or her know what's going on and see about getting SD off the policy.  The very last thing you want is being flagged for committing misrepresentation.  Believe me, the insurance industry has databases to keep track of such things, and carriers share information with other carriers.  

notsurehowtodeal's picture

This was my thought as well. You should call your agent and tell them exactly what the situation is and see what they tell you.

Also, have you considered some therapy for yourself to help you figure out why you are choosing to stay with someone who treats you with such disprespect? You deserve so much better!

FrustratedandLost's picture

I actually have considered therapy. My thing about staying is I will walk away with nothing but my car and my personal belongings such as clothes, shoes, toiletries. I did put a call in to a divorce attorney this morning but when he called back my DH was sitting at the table with me so I didn't answer the phone call. I'm just scared about what happens if I leave. I know in my heart that I will never be treated fairly by him. It's taking that first step that is hard, second guessing yourself that what you're doing is wrong. Stuff like that. If anybody did go through a divorce with a divorced spouse, how did you do it? What did you do? Advice anybody?

lieutenant_dad's picture

I told other people I was going to do it before I did it. These were friends who held me accountable, and who thought I needed to GTFO.

I also found a booty call/FWB, thinking it would make it where I wouldn't go back because I "moved on" (it worked, but I don't recommend doing it). This was/bordered on cheating, and the feelings I have about that still bother me a decade later.

I found somewhere else to live (though not immediately before I left, which was a mistake; I should have had my housing sorted before I left the first time). Highly recommend finding a roommate or family member you can live with. A gold family member or friend will support you emotionally. A roommate relies on your part of the rent. Again, it's a system of accountability.

Opened my own bank account ASAP and moved my half of the money in there. Highly recommend doing this - as well as finding your own phone service, car insurance, etc - before leaving. Also started direct deposit before I left-left.

I left right after I told XH I wanted a divorce. Like, grabbed my purse and left for the night. I knew he'd pull some BS to get me to stay, and it worked for about 6 weeks because I didn't have somewhere permanent to go. But once I had somewhere permanent and left? I didn't move back in.

It's NOT easy. It sucks hardcore. But I CANNOT express how much of a stress relief and free feeling it was just to get out. I didn't realize how much I was holding onto. Long-term, best decision I could have made.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

First, you need to find out where you stand financially. Consult with a couple of lawyers and lay it all out, you may be in a better position than you think you are.

Leaving is scary, so making a plan will help. After you know where you are financially, consider seeing a therapist to help you figure out what you really want to do. Once you make up your mind to leave, it will be easier to actually follow through and do it.

Winterglow's picture

You've been married for at least 10 years, definitely see a lawyer. You may have rights to things you haven't considered, half of his retirement funds from that period, spousal support, and goodness knows what else. Life could be so different for you...

FrustratedandLost's picture

I agree with you. My husband and SD are committing insurance fraud. He says it's his policy and he's had it since before I came along. I know what he's doing is wrong and believe you me, I don't want anything to do with this. 

IDontCare3117's picture

Without knowing your carrier or your policy specifics, I can't give any more advice than I already have.  I can assure you you don't need to worry about losing your assets should your SD get into an accident while still on your policy.  In the 25+ years I've been doing this, I've never seen anything like that happening.  Never.  I could try to explain all the ins and outs of the insurance process, but I'm having a great big glass of chardonnay after dealing with shit like what your DH and SD are doing all freakin' day.

FrustratedandLost's picture

How do you deal with it? I've been in this situation for ten years of not having a say in what goes on with SKs. How do you deal with this shit and keep your cool?

IDontCare3117's picture

Hon, I can only address the insurance issue.  I will say, however, it's empowering to take matters into your own hands, and take control of your life.  You see a problem with the insurance crap, and you can do something about it.  EFF your DH for trying to intimidate you.

Sometimes the only way to silence a barking dog is to bark louder.  Don't be afraid to bark.

reedle2021's picture

I agree with the other commenters on here.  I'm so sorry you are going through this and your husband is being an a$$.  His daughter is an adult and should be on her own insurance policy.  My parents only kept us on their car insurance policy if we were living with them and in college full time, after that, we were on our own.  I certainly wouldn't want her on the insurance because you all could be dragged into a mess if an accident happens.  I hope things work out for you all.  Also, I understand where you are coming from as my DH doesn't allow me to offer any insight or input into his 21 yo son's life either, even though I am the one who is financially supporting them both.  His son is unemployed, a pot head, no plans, no future - just hangs out all day eating all the food and playing video games.  If I say anything about his son, my husband becomes enraged and then ignores me for days.  I am in the process of leaving this situation because it will never change.  My DH also has his son's care on his insurance policy but I'm not on it, I have my own policy.  And there's no way in hell I would EVER insure someone's adult offspring on my car insurance. 

Take care of yourself - I hope everything works out!

tfsimmons's picture

Should be to your city's Top Divorce Attorney to see where you stand in your situation and what you'll take away when you leave so you can start planning.  To me, it sounds as if you might be stuck in this marriage and can't quite see your way out... Especially with a Schmuck who belittles and thinks he can control you!  Find your Fire!  Bust down whatever holds you back and dig yourself out of the Hell you're going thru!!  You know you want to - and we here know you CAN!!