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BMs that abandon their kid

Moralofthestory's picture

Now that I'm a mom, I don't understand the bm that abandon their kids to live with their dad and sm. & continue to have more kids with another man. I could not imagine not seeing my kid for weeks and months I would go crazy. What goes through these bm heads to make them think choosing to not be a parent to their kid is okay?


CallMeCrazy's picture

Well, you used the wrong term assigning this behavior to only mothers. There are a number of fathers who do the same. There are a number of father ON HERE who have done that... moved away for a better job and barely see their kids, moved away from their kids because the new SM wants to, etc. and they very often make a new family with the new SM while seeing their older kiddos on a very limited basis.

Now, if you were to replace "BM" with "parent" in your post, I totally agree. I cannot understand how a parent can have higher priorities than raising their own children and I truly cannot even fathom putting a new partner and new babies above them and making a whole new family while leaving the "first kids" in the dust. I read about that on here all the time and it's always justified. Baffles me. My children were my first priority after I divorced their father. 

Tried out's picture

how mothers - and yes, fathers, too - hook up with someone else while they are married and have children, knowing full well that it could easily result in only having their kids 50% of the time. Seriously? No man would ever have been worth that to me, including my DH who I'm nuts about.


Moralofthestory's picture

I know fathers do this- I'm saying this from a motherly prospective that we have a maternal instinct to be there 

ESMOD's picture

I honestly think it's often a bit more likely to happen when the father does this but I think that society somehow judges women more harshly when they may do the same thing.. like the motherly instinct and doing it is a bigger failure for the mother than the father.

Don't get me wrong.. there can be extenuating situations on both sides that create these scenarios.

You have a parent that may get the short end of the visitation/custody stick... and that can make the relationship difficult to maintain. 

You have people who marry partners that discourage the relationship.

You have people who have careers that make staying in the same place difficult (military).

You have people that avoid conflict to the point they want to forget their old life almost completely.

You have people that may have had drug/alcohol addiction issues that drive estrangements and make it harder to be present for their kids.. but the new partner wants to have kids so they do it anyway.. but if they were to divorce again they may make the same choices?


LS80's picture

Both moms and dads do this. 

I think many of these parents you allude to, are selfish and opportunistic . They prioritize their comfort and their needs. They have no loyalty or integrity. They do what's best for them.

They only want to deal with their kids when the kids are nice and affectionate and they're not causing them any problems, like when they're babies. But once problems start to crop up, and the kids start struggling with mental health issues or other issues that make these parents' lives more difficult...the parents bail or try to pawn the kids off on someone else. It's like they only want to be parents when it is easy or pleasant for them to do so?? I dunno.

Pretty shitty if you ask me.



Texashley33's picture

The BM we had to deal with had 2 divorces..1 kid with first ex husband(my husband now) and 2 kids with 2nd ex husband, and has nothing to do with her kids, unless it's for attention. I call it evil and selfish. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

My psycho exh's exw abandoned their kids. The Call of Crack was too strong for her to resist. No one knows is she's dead or alive. Psycho exh was a crap father. I raised the skids and am still called Mom (Grandma by their children). 

IMO, too many people enjoy the practice but have no interest in the end result. Unfortunately, they seem to be the most fertile. 

shamds's picture

For their kids or kick them out of home and exhubby would rather just continue paying cs as hush money to shut them up and not deal with drama instead of naiking their arse in court.

my husbands exwife kicked sd's out of home aged 17 & 7 when sd was entering university. Claimed she was gonna die from an illness no dr could detect. Almost 10 yrs on she's still full of shit and alive. 
sd's admit she abandoned them amd neglected them but are so brainwashed by her they still listen to her

1dad4kids's picture

I'll be honest. I wanted my DH to do this. But he didn't, he did the opposite and moved closer to SS12 to be in his life. 

Which I only semi supported at first but eventually came around and soon loved SS12. Thank f*cking God that happened before BM turned into a head case. 

But I couldn't imagine even abandoning my step son. Like his StepDad hasn't seen him since the split 4 months ago. BM has a no contact order against him, but like SS12 has an email address and I checked, The StepDad isn't blocked. 

How could you not try every single way to contact your child? 

I know if DH and I split, or if he died and BM stopped letting SS12 come to me, I would do everything possible to let him know I'm thinking of him and miss him. If seeing him was not an option. 

BethAnne's picture

Many people move on after a failed relationship and move to new areas and have new kids with their new partners/spouses. Kids are not automatically better off with their mother rather than their father. I think that it is easy to demonise women especially when it comes to motherhood. 

There are circumstances where there are despicable mothers. But mostly people are in circumstances where they are good parents in a difficult situation who do the best they can. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

The BM we deal with has full custody of SD yet abandons her any opportunity she gets ! Every single holiday for sure and she even moved to another city while leaving SD to live with her mother for over 7 months for her to "settle" in... Oh and still getting a hefty CS check