So DH and I did message BM yesterday in regards to SD's struggles in school. DH voiced his concerns over SD's literacy and math issues and asked BM if she had a plan to help SD get caught up and succeed in school. Make a long story short, DH and I tried to have a discussion with BM rather than pointing fingers because all it was going to do is go no where and make everyone mad. BM said she is worried about it too, she will be spending more one on one time with her to help her at home instead of the "30 mins she is already getting at home." Then 3 times BM messaged how she is serious about wanting to put SD in summer classes, but is unsure how to since SD spends most of her summer with us and asking him to consider a part-time situation so she doesn't loose traction."
After the third time, DH told her "I do not want to argue, but as I am trusting you have it under control on your time, trust that I have it under control on mine. I have been working with her on my time for years now to help her learna dn I will continue to do so when I see her. If I was not interested in keeping her on top of where she needs to be, I wouldn't be having this discussion or have had a parent teacher conference."
BM's response "Ok. There was no ill intent just genuinely think she needs more than some activities. Summer time is huge as she goes right back to school."
So basically DH and I had a discussion afterwards last night and came to a conclusion. Since we filled out the last medical release form to finally get the records from her pediatrician, have received the records from the ENT specialists, etc. we will not be bringing up or messaging BM at all in regards to SD's tonsils. If BM thinks it is as necessary as she was trying hard to two months ago, she will bring it up. What is frustrating is the pediatrician portal can only have one login per patient with an email and the receptionist suggested if BM and DH could make an email for them to both have access to the portal, but we all know how well that would go. So DH will just have to follow up here and there with the office to see if SD has been there after yesterday's date (that is when we requested the records).
In regards to schooling, DH emailed SD's teacher asking if right before SD comes to us in December if we could meet with her again to get an update on where she is still struggling and where she progressed so we can do some work with her over winter break, but until a discussion is absolutely necessary, we won't be messaging BM about either as we don't need to speak to her to get updates anymore. DH and I are not sure if BM was implying trying to cut our break with SD so she can do summer classes at her school with BM or if she was trying to get DH to say he would get her in summer classes here, either way, DH and I will get her help over the summer while with us.
We came to the agreement there is nothing more we can do on either subject that we have not already done. So we will just see if BM messages, gets any more updates from the teacher, etc. and we have documentation of all the hoops DH had to go through to access the information he should have already been granted access to, all SD's medical documents, and have updated school records. SD's report card comes out the end of this week and already signed up to reecive that electronically.Then we will see SD for winter break and take it from there, but until then just leaving it be. Plus alone in the court approved app has DH voicing his concerns about both topics of current contention. So here is to hoping from now until December 20th we will have some peace in step life.