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NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

So the next question is now that DH has his parent teacher conference before BM, should DH message BM saying he had the conference and a summary of the discussion? The reason I ask is if DH wants to in the future use that BM witholds information for medical and educational from him, shouldn't he appear to be totally upfront about these items? Don't want his arguement to not hold weight because he then witheld information.

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tog redux's picture

Well, in theory, the teacher should discuss the same things with them, and neither of them should make any decision without the other's input. So I would say no, don't bother messaging BM unless there is something they need to discuss about SD (a serious thing, like she needs testing for a learning disability or something).  Teacher isn't going to tell one something she doesn't tell the other, and they both have equal access to the teacher, so he's not withholding anything. 

CastleJJ's picture

If I remember correctly, this teacher was favoring BM and providing different information to both parents. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

but wanted to make sure that DH doesn't shoot himself in the foot. 

EDIT: No, not me! SD's teacher has been extremely nice and has shared information quickly and easily. We have not had any issues with her at all Smile

CastleJJ's picture

I wouldnt send a message beforehand. She will think he is bragging about getting to the teacher first. It will reiterate her "DH is controlling" narrative. I would have DH send a message after both DH and BM's parent teacher conferences occur, stating that DH had his conference scheduled prior to BMs, but that he wanted to check if there was anything that needed to be discussed between the two of them regarding the information provided at conferences. If BM says "No," he can just respond back that he wanted to check. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

That is a good idea so it looks like DH is trying to communicate on SD's communication