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It really is the little things the days when SD is here that get on my nerves

missgingersnap2021's picture

Of cousre SD jumped in her car today the second DH said he would be home soon so she got here before him (Like she always does lately. I dont know why DH cant just let her know when he actually does get home and she can come over then). Anyways, so as soon as he walks in the door before I could even greet him she had to run downstairs. 

Seriously can I at least give him a quick kiss and see him for literally one minute?


JRI's picture

She seriously needs a boyfriend.

thinkthrice's picture

Instead of playing mistress to your H

missgingersnap2021's picture

I have no idea and it really is the only thing that scares me about my future, She turnsv17 in 2 months and will be graduating in 10 months. I do plan on talking with DH in about 5 months (in January) about how he plans on weaning her off of the constant checking and her rugid schedule of sleeping here. I am sure the talk will not go well.

MissK03's picture

Honestly... the whole thing is weird and I don't know how you do it. I'm not trying to be an a**hole either. She is like this with BM too though right? 

missgingersnap2021's picture

I don't think to this degree. What annoyed me is that DH always goes to his desk a few minutes after he gets home. By now she knows his routine too. If she had just waited a few minutes he would have come upstairs, gone in her room an SD said hello. 

ntm's picture

Why wait for January? Seems like this conversation lis loooong overdue. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Next time she runs to greet daddio trip her LOL

Seriously the enmeshment must be so hard to watch.

Wonder if she does this to please daddio. Maybe its not so much SD, but it is expected of her?

missgingersnap2021's picture

No I think this is just her being needy. He really has been trying recently to"do his own thing" so to speak when she is here. She just wants to be up his butt the entire time she is here.

Tried out's picture

he doesn't let her know when he'll be home because he *wants* her to be there when he gets home, including beating you to the door? He doesn't come across as a total idiot who can't figure out cause and effect.

missgingersnap2021's picture

If you read my last comment you will see why he calls her before he actually gets home. And most times he does beat her here so we at least have a few minutes alone. Yesterday he got delayed so she got here first. 

Tried out's picture

Here's another question for you, though. Is it possible you and DH are talking at cross purposes?

I know he said she won't live with you once she graduates. But does not living = not spending nights or weekends on a less rigid basis as a dearly beloved guest? Or not hanging out all weekend and evenings even if she doesn't spend the night? In other words, are you going to get what you seem to want, a SD who drops by occasionally and stays an hour or two?

If it was me, I'd want to have this discussion sooner than later, just to make sure you're on the same page of the dictionary. I have trouble imagining a dad this devoted/enmeshed/whatever telling his daughter she's essentially not welcome to come and go as she pleases. 

AlmostGone832's picture

I think I was find somewhere else to be when he gets home...

right before she gets there, I'd go out each time and start with a little shopping. Buy myself something nice each time, take my time looking around and then go out to eat at a place with a lot of people and atmosphere maybe sit at the bar have some fun and take a long tone to get home.

when he asks what's up just say "oh I figured you and your mistress wanted some alone time when you got home from work. Frankly I'm sick of watching her hang all over you so I'm going out and having some fun on my own"

missgingersnap2021's picture

In this instance it's really not him. It's her. We were actually both upstairs (she and I) when he got home and I was just finishing up a work email and was about to run down to greet him when she "beat me to it" so to speak so I just said F** it and jumped in the shower.  Since I didn't go down to greet him he came up to see where I was and what I was doing. I just said well since SD ran down to say hi I just decided to get in the shower. 

hereiam's picture

But it is him, he is the one who calls her to let her know that he's on his way home. He knows what will happen.

missgingersnap2021's picture

No its not. He calls her becuase she comes over on Wed. If he didnt call to say when he was going  to be home she wouldn't know when to get here (which would mean her getting here at 3pm. The normal VS time.) Now that she is driving at least it is sometimes later. 

Tried out's picture

could call her after he gets home if he didn't want her there to greet him when he gets home, right? He's making a choice?

bananaseedo's picture

It seems though you keep in some small way competing with her.  In intact homes, it's NOT unusual for the kids to run to greet dad first, then wife is doing her own thing and her husband comes to her and greets her- you don't see grown women running to the door the minute he comes in to 'greet him'- at least I've never seen it.  

Yes, typically it's younger kids that do the running to the door first, but we all know that SD has the mentality of a much younger kid then 14- so she acts like one.  Your dh seems to both love/hate that about her. Sometimes he encourages it, other times he's annoyed by it (inconsistency can breed dependency also).

Do what you did, do your own thing and let him come greet you when he's done- that's not something I would be that bothered with.  Shoot in our home, our dogs ALWAYS get to DH first -sometimes it's 3-5 mins of attention before he comes to greet me.  Granted we aren't super lovey dovery type so I don't care really whether he greets me w/a hug/kiss every day-but that's just me.  

Let him come find you. Don't get annoyed with it, try to not put everything in as a competition, I realize it's hard because your dh has set you BOTH up for failure this way-he's the one that has bred this competition sort of speak.

IDontCare3117's picture

What's stopping you from asking your DH not to call her until he is actually home so you can have a few minutes alone with him?

bananaseedo's picture

That's a good question.  Why not ask him to call her once he's home and had some time to decompress with you and alone in his office like he says he wants to do.   I would go ahead and bring it up.  His reaction should be self-explanatory after that.

missgingersnap2021's picture

I honestly think he does it so she is here as close to 3pm as possible. Its like he lives in fear of not following the visittation schedule. He and BM are so rigid with the schedule it's pathetic. Oh well once school starts she'll be here at 3:15 because she never hangs with anyone after school. I did more at 16 with friends than she does and I didnt even get a car of my own until I was 18. 


IDontCare3117's picture

Again, why aren't you addressing it with your DH since it bothers you so much?