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Just another night…

Ghost22's picture

Just another night where SS14 is acting like an attention seeking 5 y/o girl....

DH calls attention to the behavior and he's met with a high pitch, "WHAT?!" *Giggle giggle hair flip*...

It literally hurts how much I'm annoyed right now. Not engaging whatsoever  but I still have ears and can hear his pitchy voice... this SUUUCKS...

Hope you're all having a better night than me. 

Rags's picture

My son is gay.  We did not have the hair flipping girly giggle stage. He did have a couple of periods that I would describe as his twinkle toes periods but ultimately he turned out to be a strikingly attractive man.  Both he and his BF are  attractive masculin  men.  They are not fem gay men. They are just... gay men.  I am jellous of their beards.  They both can grow a beard in about half a day.  In a month or more I can generate a little more what looks like an albino chia pet with mange on my face. Damned kids!!!


The "look at me" thing is irritating.  I do not have any memories of that from our son... ever.  He was just a mellow, mostly enjoyable kid.

I am fine with a kid being who they are. However, when that results in someone else's quality of life suffering, the kid can behave in accordance with the standards of the home and family.  Once they reach the age of majority and launch, they can figure out their life choices when they are old enough to make those choices.  Do not misinterpret my comment as being gay is a choice.  It is not. Behaviors on the other hand.... are entirely a choice.

That said, my wife and I both would have dearly loved to have been supportive of our son when he was navigating the process of recognizing and working through his sexual orientation.  I suspected that he was likely gay, he did not come to that realization until he was 18yo when he spent the first Spring Break after they graduated from HS with a wonderful young woman that he was extremely close with.  They spent that week on a road trip spending every night in different resort hotels at the beach, then touring a number of Texas destinations (S. Padre Island, Galveston, San Antonio, Austin).  They cared very much for each other but during that trip he recognized that as much as he loved this young woman he was not intimately attracted to her.  That started a rough several years for him as he worked through developing healthy mature relationships and learning how to like himself.

Dealing with this is a touchy process.  Balancing this kid being who he is and minimizing the irritating impact he has on your life, marriage, home, and family.

The good news.... you are only 4 years from the point where he can transition into his young independent adult life, launch, and work out his path.... In his own space, time, and on his own dime.

Ghost22's picture

Im definitely curious to see how things shake out for SS. However things turn out- he will be loved and supported. We take identity and sexuality incredibly seriously and want to support him living his authentic life. 

This behavior is just rough. Thank you for your words.

Rags's picture

Fluid "identity"  became a thing after we had completed our parenting of SS as a minor.  Sexualtiy was something we also did not really struggle with because he had not yet come to his personal realizations regarding his sexuality until he was 18 just before he launched and never broached the topic with his mom or I.  He and I did have a brief conversation on it when he was 17 just before he graduated from HS when he was surfing porn.  I saw this activitiy and asked him about it. He said that the gay porn just started playing when he was on a porn site.  This was not any kind of regular thing for him and I equated it to sneaking a peak at mom and dad's PentHouse or PlayBoy mags as a kid.  He told me that he was not gay and to please not tell his mom he was surfing porn. I told him that if he ever wanted to discuss things he could come to his mom and I.  I honored his request.  5 years later he threw me under the bus when he came out.  "Mom! What do you mean you didn't know. Dad knew, and you two talk about everytthing."

Dash 1

So, I had to do a lot of tap dancing with my bride while the three of us were on that call.  I thanked him for throwing me under the buss.  We all had some great laughter through teams during that discussion.  He is our kid, we have his  back.  His mom and I are extremely proud of the kid we raised to viable and successful adulthood.

He came out to his mom and I when he was 22.  He did have some unhealthy relationship struggles over the next few years and it is only within the past year that he has found a quality partner and quality relationship to thrive with and within.

This whole identity and pick your pronoun's thing is not something I am sure I care to really engage in.  I may just put that in the old dog not careing to learn a new trick category and ignore it since intellectually it is not a legitimate topic in my opinion.  When I look at the "How do you identify?" quesiton the anwer is unequivocal.  "I am me."  Beyond that, the entire topic is a waste of air and time IMHO.  Them, their, he, she, it,  none of the above, etc.... is all covered in elementary school language arts classes and is what it is not what someone chooses it to be. "Hey you" covers all of the boxes and avoids the entire rediculous topic IMHO.

The first time I get blasted for addressing someone with "Pardon me Miss/Ma'am" or "Pardon me young man/sir" it will be game on and not pretty to witness.  So far, I have not been confronted with that situation.  Hopefully it is a situation I never have to experience.

I have asked a friend why she did not tell me her eldest was a twin when on FB she referred to her eldest as "their" in a gramatically incorrect manner. "their is on the way to college".  WTF is that?

If someone can pick their pronouns, anyone else can pick what prounouns they will use refer to that person with.  One person's proounoun choice does not trump another's prounoun choice to refer to the first parson as. This turns into a rat hole of monumental proportions and I hope it fades into the rediculously bad choices box of history very soon. I will  go with grammatical accuracy in the pronouns arena.


SeeYouNever's picture

Some boys make it their life's work to be as obnoxious amd annoying as possible. Ignoring it makes them try harder for attention, acknowledging it only encourages them. 

I have a friend whose son screeched like a velociraptor for nearly a while year. He's 14 now and demands his hair get dyed a new color every few weeks. You'd think the poor kid never got any attention.

Rags's picture

Nothing a small compressed air horn from Home Depot or Lowes won't fix.  

I had a friend who did this and my dad just about ripped his head off and shit in his lungs when he pulled that crap in our house when I was a kid.

It was so loud it could cause hearing loss.

When the screech starts, blast the kid with the airhorn.

End of screeching.

As for hair color, At 14 he can work odd jobs and pay for his hair color of the moment himself.  If we had done that our USMC father would have had the issue resolved with a high and tight crew cut in less than 5mins flat.

Ispofacto's picture

Funny how when a boy acts like a twat, which happens often, people compare him with a girl.  You know, because females are so annoying.  Um, no, boys act like twats sometimes.  He's acting like a twat, not a girl.


Ghost22's picture

Touché... I guess when I thought about the high pitch giggles and hair flip I went right to 5 y/o girl as that's something I would imagine a 5 y/o girl doing... it wasn't meant to be a dig on girls (not for nothing I am one and I have a DD2), more identifying a behavior that seemed more in line with a young girl. If he were a 5 y/o girl (or boy)- I honestly don't think I'd be as annoyed because it would be more developmentally appropriate. That being said I get your point so, touché...