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SS9 Comes Tomorrow

CastleJJ's picture

DH has to pick SS9 up at noon tomorrow and SS will be here for two weeks. I don't envy DH's 8 hour round-trip drive. I always hate preparing for SS to visit because it's stressful. I always feel the need to clean everything and get all the errands done, like grocery shopping, beforehand. It always feels like such a big production because SS is here so infrequently and his visits completely throw off our routine. While I mostly love his visits and enjoy spending time with SS, the preparation beforehand always increases my anxiety. 

Well, my doctor started me on new medication this week and warned me it might knock me flat on my butt for a few days just until it gets into my system. Oh boy was he right. I have been bed bound for two days with massive hangover feels. I have been living off of toast and I am barely strong enough to get out of bed. DH has been super helpful. He came home on his lunch break today to let the dog out for me and to make me lunch. He also cleaned most of the house, did all the laundry including washing towels and sheets, and is at the grocery store as I type this. I have been in bed all day watching Netflix. Not being able to do anything to prepare for SS' visit has stressed me out. While DH always helps, I think me being involved with the prep work beforehand gives me a sense of control, since I have no control over our visitation and custody situation and us dealing with BM's PAS tactics leaves me feeling powerless. My home is the only thing I have control over. 

Hopefully, I will start feeling better tomorrow. DH talked to SS9 on the phone tonight and SS is super excited to come visit. We are holding off on telling BM and SS about our camping trip next weekend. DH said he will email BM tomorrow night after they get home and we can tell SS9 on Sunday. Hopefully she won't cause email drama. I hope we have a nice visit with SS and BM's PAS tactics haven't infiltrated SS' brain beforehand. I don't want a repeat of the whining, crying, "I miss my Mom" SS we had for President's weekend.


CastleJJ's picture

HCBM had a stipulation added to the CO years ago that if SS spends the night anywhere that is not either parents' residence, the other parent must be notified. She said that she "needed to know where her son laid his head at night." 

We tried having the stipulation removed when we took BM to court in 2019, but the judge left it. The judge did make it clear to BM though that notification does not equal needing/requesting permission. Ironically, it is the only thing in the CO that BM actually follows too. We get emails from BM every time SS sleeps over at a friend's house or if BM and SS go out of town. We think it's overkill, but it's in the CO, so we will comply. 

HCBM would love nothing more than to find DH in contempt. Even if nothing would happen in the courts with such a stupid contempt charge, we don't want to give BM the satisfaction. 

Winterglow's picture

So tell her either when you're leaving home or when you arrive at the campsite (which is probably what you were going to do anyway).

tog redux's picture

DH had something similar in his, but I think it was if they left the state? Or maybe the general area. I can't remember. She wanted if they left the county, but we live at the meeting point of 3 counties so we'd have had to tell her when we went to Walmart if that were the case. 

Tell her when you get to the campsite, then turn off email and have fun. (Or, if you think SS9 will tattle, tell her just before you tell him and shut off email then).

Hope you feel better soon. 

MissK03's picture

Gotcha. Well at least she follows it herself. Still frustrating that she knows what you guys are doing on your limited time with SS instead of just doing your own thing with him. 

BM made a similar comment to SS16 once (probably more but I know about this one) when he was 14 going on 15. SO tells her if the skids go out of state. Two summers ago he was going to a friends cottage on the beach about an hour and half drive away for two nights. BM texted SS16(14) And said "have fun but..I always sleep better knowing you guys are just 10 minutes away from me." GAGGGG! But... you go months without seeing them.... sleep good BM........ 

JRI's picture

It's hard to feel like we are losing control.  Just tell yourself you're on the roller coaster of life.  One day at a time.

Stepcreaturesonly's picture

So many bloggers talk about it. Do you guys nit have doggy doors in the US? Why do you all have to physically let them out?

tog redux's picture

Lots of people have dogs without fenced yards, so they either have to take them out on a leash, or put them on a line, or watch them so they don't leave the yard.

We have a dog door, but it's in the glass door so we can only leave it open for the dog to go in and out in the right weather (when the air conditioning or heat isn't on).

CastleJJ's picture

We live in a second story apartment so I have to go downstairs and through a lobby to access the outdoors so we have to physically take our dog outside. 

Stepcreaturesonly's picture

Rarely cold enough where I live to have heat and I guess people with aircon just waste the power! Pretty much everyone has their backyard fenced in aust unless you are on a farm I think. Maybe it's a law if you have a dog? Dunno. 

Mominit's picture

I don't know a single person in Ontario who has a doggie door.  I have a fenced yard, but I also have a large door.  I've seen the radio control collars that ensure that only the dog can trigger the door to come back in.  I'd have to have one of those on him to ensure that only he could come back through that door or else I'd have houseguests in no time (fox, raccoons, ducks, geese, baby bears...all are known to wander into houses if the door is left open).  Oh the damage a raccoon with a hankering for pizza can do!  And the insulation required to keep the -30C cold out and the +35C heat out makes it less practical.  I'd rather just open the door to let him out, and open the door to let him back.  My daughter doesn't have a fence in her yard so she clips him to a run line.  

Neat that doggie doors are common elsewhere!

tog redux's picture

Not a ton around here, but we do have one because we have a Jack Russell mix that likes to go in and out in the summer.  It's on the storm door, so we just close the inside door when heat or air is on, or at night.  Even if the inside door is mostly closed, it is easier to let him out and in, just open the door and he pops through the dog door.

Our summers are generally cool enough to at least be able to have the door available for him during the early part of the day.  Depending where you are in Ontario we probably have similar weather here in upstate NY.

Stepcreaturesonly's picture

Oh my god, cute! I would put up with the mess to see a raccoon. They are adorable. Not that I've ever seen a real one. 

Thumper's picture

Hope you start to feel better.

By the way, glad your husband is doing everything to prepare for his child's arrival. He should have anyway. Or at least the, fresh sheets on his bed, food shopping.

CastleJJ's picture

He normally does do majority. I just like being involved in it to calm my anxiety which I wasn't able to do this time. Whenever SS9 comes, I always feel the need to do like a deep cleaning and reorganize everything.