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Much older stepkids and bios, what's the relationship like?

SeeYouNever's picture

SD13 has always had a messed up sense of family relations. She calls her cousin on BMs side her brother, she calls her cousins (my niece and nephew) her nice and nephew too, and though she calls my kids her sisters she says she wants to be like an aunt to them.

She is old enough to be corrected because this is going to be confusing for all the little kids involved. 

The thing is SD is 13 and there are no other kids of her generation older than 3. She is a sort of middle generation and considers herself a junior aunt. Which does make some sense.

This wouldn't be a problem but my most hated SIL is the same, she is 11 years younger than my husband. This SIL is almost like a 2nd SD because she considers my husband is a father figure to her. She tries to manipulate him and get stuff out of him just like SD. She is super immature and likes to be a bad influence. She doesn't just fill SDs head with negativity regarding my DH and I, she actively teacher her how to be a manipulative mean girl. When they are together it's like 2 middle school girls, but one is 25 and can drink. SD loves her and idolizes her aunt. Argh, there are going to be two of them. 

I like that SD realizes she is going to be more like an aunt than a sister to my kids, but does it have to be that kind of aunt??


S_mum's picture

Half-siblings can be either super close or distant. It depends on the situation, ages, how often they see each other etc. I think that as long as she treats your kids with respect, it doesn't really matter.

On another note, I think that your H should tell his sister to get a hobby...or something. Honestly,,as a parent, I wouldn't be able to put up with my sister being a bad influence on my kids, especially in my own home. 

CrownJewels's picture

I'm intentionally keeping my children (half siblings to SS) the hell away from SS. SS is not a good influence and has often bossed my kids around or undermined my authority. Full disclosure: I despise SS. He has cursed at me, tried to sabotage my marriage, taken my things, stolen food meant for the whole family, has bragged about getting multiple birthdays and Christmases.  Embarrassed me when visiting relatives. Sucks up to my husband so badly my husband acts like SS is the love of his life. 

I have bald-faced told my kids everything SS has done. Made sure they were present when I told my husband SS swore at me (for no reason, I had not said a word to him.)

I could not bear for my kids to take the side of the terrorist. I would puke. He is arrogant and disgusting. I don't see it happening, however. DD can't stand him. Both my kids are excited for him to permanently leave.

For a long time I didn't tell my children anything but they're older, noticing things and asking questions. I have to tell them why they don't see my husband's mother.

The SD in your life has no right to attach herself to YOUR relatives. I would put the kibosh on that if I were you. Your husband's idiot sister needs to get lost, get a life, get a job, something. 


JRI's picture

I'm 8 years older than my nearest brother, 10 years older than my deceased sister and 17 years older than my youngest brother.  Take it from me, at 13, your SD will be out and on her own long before she can influence your bios.  Its like my siblings are from a different family, the age difference between us is just too great, plus they both live far away  No hostility or bad feeling, just people of very different ages.  Now that I'm overseeing my 98yo mothers care, I'm more in contact with them than I ever was.  But once she goes, and the estate is settled, I realize I might never see them again.