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My stepson is scary.

Tristykay17's picture

A mutual friend introduced me to my husband. We hit it off right away! We were engaged in 3 months and married within the year. My husband was single for 7 yrs before meeting me so it was always just him and his son. ( 14) I also have a 14 year old daughter 8 yrs old son and 5 yrs old daughter. 

my step son one month after our wedding snuck into my daughter's room and touched her but and breasts while she slept. He ofcourse denied at first but then two weeks later he did it to my daughter's friend. 

So all of the steps were taken, he lives with his grandmother now but when I have to be by him and it makes me cringe while my husband is trying to be closer to him. It makes me resentful to them both. 

my husband says he's a kid and its normal to be curious. 

I Think he's creepy and acting on fantasies after watching porn. Scary. 

how do I not grow apart from my husband while he sticks up for and doesn't seem mad or worried enough about it just bc its " his son" 

Comments

CrownJewels's picture

Call the cops. What his son did is molestation or rape. It is not normal or okay to sexually touch anyone when he/she is sleeping.

His son is a predator. You need to leave with your children.

advice.only2's picture

Don't allow your spouse to normalize his sons behavior.  Protect yourself and your children, because should this go to the authorities you can lose your children as well.  Take this seriously and don't allow DH to downplay it.  His son needs serious help but I'm not sure it will stop him being a predator! 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Leave and protect your children. If you don't they will never forgive you. 

Thumper's picture

Your first duty is to protect your bio children...no matter what.

I must assume that your ex was told, correct?

Your ex may decide to file for custody if HE thinks you are not protecting her.

LETS say this boy was a kid in school. How do you think the school would have reacted....blow it off,??? I do not believe so.

 

 

 

tog redux's picture

Normal to be curious? Yes. Normal to touch your stepsister when she's sleeping? No. Normal to do it a second time with someone else? No. 
 

Of course your husband wants to have a relationship with his son. But minimizing his behavior is dangerous. If it was a girl at school he'd be arrested and expelled. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

YEP!

"Curious" is a word you use with a toddler who is asking why their parts differ from someone else's and who touches someone breasts/chest/crotch out of innocence.

What do we do with that behavior in toddlers? We explain the pieces and parts, and we talk about consent and body autonomy. 

It has never, EVER been okay to just use the excuse "kids are curious". For a toddler, education follows. For a teenager, consequences come from the law. ESPECIALLY the second time they do it.

hereiam's picture

my husband says he's a kid and its normal to be curious.

Four year olds are curious. Your SS is 14 years old and snuck into your daughter's room to fondle her. He knew exactly what he was doing.

I have no advice on how you cannot let this come between you, especially as he is not taking it seriously. Makes me wonder if it's happened before and your husband brushed it off so his son thinks it's okay to keep doing it.

Had this happened before you married him, would you still have married him?

 

 

IDontCare3117's picture

Are you seriously asking about this?  

You file charges against your SS, leave your DH, and get your daughter any help she needs.

Why in hell would you want to stay with a man who minimizes sexual assault?

DPW's picture

So if he touched your 5 year old, would he have been curious as well? How do we know he hasn't touched her? 

I get being curious, but this goes too far especially with your DH's response. I would do anything to protect my kids from him. I would never allow them in the same room. 

futurobrillante99's picture

It's a very dangerous thing that your husband is dismissing your concerns and his son's problems. I don't think I could be married to a man who dismissed his son molesting one of my children.

ndc's picture

When you say "all the steps were taken," does that include calling the police?  Putting the SS into an intensive counseling program?  Or was it just shipping him off to grandma?

That boy would never be in the same house as my kids again.  I'd leave my marriage before I risked having my kids exposed to that junior predator, especially since his father is trying to normalize his behavior.  It is anything but normal.  And to answer your question, I don't know how you can not grow apart from a man who is defending and enabling a budding sexual predator.  In your shoes, I don't think my marriage would survive the way your husband has responded to this.

thankful_blessed.mama's picture

You as a mother you need to protect your child! Call the police!!! It doesn't matter if he's 14. He knows better! It also doesnt matter that it's your DH son. Expose this behavior right now! The worst thing you and DH could do is to "protect" him and not report this. Absolutely not. If no legal action is taken, this most likely will happen again and to someone else's child. When my brother was 5, he was molested by his friends 13 year old brother at a sleep over. I take this kind of thing very seriously. Your SS needs help. And if your DH is making excuses for this behavior, DH needs help too. Your babies come first. Do everything you can to for your daughter so that in the future she knows you will do and did everything in your power to protect her. 

Tigerlilyyy's picture

Your daughter was violated. Why are you still with this man? You may love him but your priority should've been your daughter and getting her out of that environment. You're showing her you care more about your happiness than her safety. As your SS's father, he will always be a part of your DH's life, meaning a part of your's and your daughter's lives if you stick around. 

CajunMom's picture

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. The MINUTE my mom found out, she kicked the asshole husband (not my bio father) out of the house. While the damage was done, it's the one saving grace in that part of my life. I still find comfort in my mother's anger for me and at her husband. We struggled like hell after he was gone but ALL of the girls were safe....finally.  Your SS is FOURTEEN. He knows what he's doing. He is NOT exploring...HE is VIOLATING and ABUSING girls younger than him. He is a PREDATOR!

My only questions are: why did you not call the police and have him arrested, or at least file a report, and why are you still there with a man who in enabling a child predator?

notsurehowtodeal's picture

How does your daughter feel about you spending any amount of time with the boy who sexually assaulter her? I would think she would feel some sense of betrayal. Quit worrying about growing apart from your husband and start having some concern for your daughter.

What was the response from the parents of your daughter's friend?

Tried out's picture

they ever told? 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Your daughter should never have to be around this kid again and it's your job to protect her. His behavior is not normal in any way and he should have been placed somewhere to get treatment.

What he did was predatory and it will happen again if given the chance. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

How do you prevent your marriage from falling apart? You don't. The ball is in HIS court, and he can't dribble his way out of a wet paper bag it seems.

Your #1 responsibility is to protect your children, and that includes at the expense of your marriage. If your husband won't protect your kids by getting his son out of the home and into treatment, at a MINIMUM, then he has failed your marriage.

And if you don't physically distance your children from his son permanently, you fail as a mother. Point blank. It's entirely unfair for your daughter to be exposed to someone who took advantage of her to keep a husband. If that is a price you think she should willingly pay, you need to hand both kids to their father(s) and cease being their mother.

I'm sorry you're in a position where you lose when you did nothing wrong. However, that's the situation you're in. 

Tried out's picture

that you are more concerned about your relationship with your husband than your daughter is appalling. And the fact that you allowed a sex offender to be around your daughter AFTER he was accused is even more appalling. If you are unwilling to leave a husband who discounts the magnitude of this then your children belong with their father. How can you not see this?

Tried out's picture

She just got hit with a mega dose of truth. I sincerely hope it opens her eyes to her grim reality.