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I lost it at SS

Floral_SM's picture

I think I just cracked under all the pressure in my life. The weekend annoyed me because I had to deal with the In Laws. Long story short - my baby is not treated as my first baby. She's just number 7 GC and number 3 child to my in laws. We usually sit and be ignored, while DH and SS and SD are amongst the social interactions. I can't stand the passive aggressive crap I receive from his family. 

I also have just put in the marina, and have felt my hormones go crazy. I am breast feeding so that isn't helping with my short fuse with the skids. DH has been working LONG hours, meaning I am stuck feeling like the nanny lately which has never been the case. My old car I just sold to DH's mate's  business got a speeding fine and they haven't changed my name on the rego so I received it in the post.. I was FUMING.  

By the time I sat trying to feed my 6 month old, and hearing arguing with SS and SD.. I just saw red. I can't even remember exactly what I screamed at him, but it was along the lines of him not respecting me and not helping me out by just doing what he's told. He cried. I was nearly crying. SD was smug because he got in trouble which annoyed me more. I felt TERRIBLE after. But we are only human?? It's so hard to parent another persons child! Why should It be put on me? Anyway..
 

The good news is I unloaded on DH when he got home. Told him I can't keep doing this crap. I said I feel my options as a SM is deal with this life or Leave it, and said I'm struggling really hard these days dealing with his kids. He straight away organised OSHC after school every day he's working and taking them to school. I am so relieved. I nearly made an appointment to see someone because I felt like I was drowning. I can't talk to my DH about it sometimes because he hates hearing me dislike his children. He said to me there's always a time for us to chat and I disagreed. There's never an easy time to hear the woman he loves say she is starting to resent his own children. I feel terrible and he feels hurt. But we agreed we need to really try it more before I bottle it up again. 
 

Some days as a step mum, even after all these years doing it, I struggle. As the kids get older, and Toxic BM neglects them, and DH works, and I chose to be home with my first baby, it takes its toll on me. I just hate that my attention is drawn away from my baby to parent the skids more than anything. That's what I told DH. I told him the way it's going I can't uphold my half of our marriage and I think I really scared him. He was so good how quick he acted on fixing the structure for me, and just reminded me why I married him. He's a good man, trying to work hard for his family. I just can't look after his kids though. It's not what I signed up for and it's taking its toll. Fingers crossed things get easier! 

Comments

Smashytalk's picture

Forgive yourself for being human. We've all lost our shit at one point or another. You're dealing with a lot and you just hit your breaking point. It happens.

im glad DH stepped up to take that burden off of you. That's a real man right there. 
 

if you need counseling to manage everything, there's nothing wrong with that, I've gone and made appointment to go again. It's okay to not carry it all on your shoulders. Hugs, mama.

Floral_SM's picture

Thank you <3 

It can be tough, and I'll keep counseling in mind if I feel low again. I feel so much better getting it off my chest to DH.

Jcksjj's picture

Bio parents end up losing it and feeling bad here and there too. I doubt there's exceptions. 

Feeling like you have no say is extremely frustrating.

Floral_SM's picture

Yes the frustration is real! It's definitely different when you go off at your bio vs a step child. 

Wilhelm's picture

You said what needed to be said and you were not ignored. Let us hope things improve now. 

Floral_SM's picture

Thank goodness I wasn't ignored. I have a good man, just sometimes he forgets I can't handle his kids. Fingers crossed we keep communication going.

JRI's picture

I zoned in on your comment about time together to chat.  I was drowning when I went to counseling and that was a key recommendation: time alone with DH daily.  I remember talking about how difficult it was to arrange with 5 lively kids here and DH's demanding job.  My counsellor said, "I don't care if it's just a walk down the street".  Wishing you a better tomorrow.

Now, I'll play devil's advocate for your inlaws.  We are probably guilty, too.  We have 9 GKs from 5 kids, also 3 GGKs.  I'm positive we don't show the appropriate attention.  There are just so many!  We are doing good to remember the names and we do recognize all birthdays.  We try not to show favoritism but the older ones are more "real" to us, I guess because they've been here longer.  Your post will make me more considerate of this factor, thanks.

Floral_SM's picture

Yes, I bet it's full on for you! I understand how busy it can be keeping up with that many small GK's. From what I can see is you are a decent and kind person. I feel my MIL is nice to my face, but says comments that are not necessary to sideline me. 

queensway's picture

You have a lot on your plate. In-laws, step children, a new baby, a husband working a lot, of course you are going to blow up. I would feel the same way as you do. I am glad that your husband heard you. Always speak up when you feel stressed. I do feel bad that this is happening now when you have a baby to take care of. This is a special time and it goes by so fast. I hope things get better for you. Hug and kiss that baby!!!!!

Floral_SM's picture

Yes it is a lot of build up! So true how fast time goes, I cuddle and kiss her as much as possible <3

futurobrillante99's picture

You're only human - you snapped.

I'm in my 50s and it was a-okay for parents to snap back in the day. I can remember days when we were ALL sent to our rooms without food or water and "you just wait until your father comes home." So, it was hours spent in fear of dad's wrath. I was one of 4 and the chaos of that many kids had me stopping at 3, well spaced offspring. I know I had it easier than my mom, but I STILL lost it and sent kids to their rooms to get a break.

The difference is I was raised in an intact family and so were my kids. It gets trickier in a step situation.

Floral_SM's picture

Yep totally understand where you are coming from. I came from an intact family too. It's so much harder for steps. We will always find a way to cope though, it's like an art we perfect over the years.