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BM keeps planning things on DH’s custody time

Biostep7777's picture

She literally won't stop. SS got invited to a birthday party a couple of weeks ago. It was for this weekend which is DH's custody time. She told SS he could go. Nobody says a word to DH.  Then she texts DH on Wednesday (she's suppose to be using OFW but doesn't) and tells DH that SS was invited to a party on Friday. He has asked her at least 20 times to stop planning things during his parenting time, to stop telling the kids they can go to parties or whatever on his time without discussing it with him. 

She completely ignores him and keeps doing it. Is there ANY way to stop this? 

Winterglow's picture

If it isn't in OFW then you don't know about it. If she does put it in OFW, he should respond with "sorry, that's on my time and we already have something planned."

OFW is supposed to be compulsory for ALL interaction - USE it! 

tog redux's picture

"Thanks for letting me know. I'll pick up the kids at the usual time". 

Reply in OFW. That way she can't say he didn't reply so she kept the kids. Include "As you agreed, please use OFW going forward."

Then he can take SS to the birthday party if he wants. Why are kids having parties during a pandemic?

CastleJJ's picture

Your husband needs to block her on all other means of communication but OFW... the fact that he hasn't is proving BM right that she can communicate however she wants. He also can't live his life based on what a judge might say or what he might do. They don't involve themselves with this level of petty games. Just do what you want, document, and move on. Follow the current court order and you'll be fine. 

Guess what, BM promised skids they could attend a friend's birthday party. Cool, guess what else. Your DH does not have to take them, especially if it wasn't communicated in OFW... technically, if it isn't in OFW, he doesn't know about it because he blocked her on everything right?

And when BM flips a lid, the answer is "You scheduled an event during my parenting time. I had already made other plans. Next time, please upload the event into the calendar on OFW for consideration. Thank you." 

This is a prime example of parental alienation; scheduling events on DH's time because "its in the best interest of the children" when in reality it is a way to reduce parenting time time DH. If he allows it, he's essentially allowing her to alienate. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Like the others said- Respond on OFW. Tell her that he WILL be picking up the kids at the scheduled time per the court order. 

That's it. 

If they aren't there, document, call and see if you can get a police report, and start filing for contempt. That is the only way that she will change. 

Harry's picture

It's DH,s time and no party   

Maxwell09's picture

So when BM does this he needs to go straight to family wizard and in the Journal section (no messages because there doesnt need to be a response) he needs to type "On X day at X time, BM texted me that she has made plans with the kids during my weekend. She is refusing to use the CO communication services here after I have asked her to keep all contact on OFW so communication cannot be edited later on. I have also repeatedly asked BM to stop scheduling events during my weekends and telling the kids about them before I know about them. This is alienating them from me and causing me to be the "bad parent" when I have already made plans during my limited time with them.  Make sure the note in the journal is shared with her when its posted so she can see it too. Upload the texts of her in the image section. 

Then your DH needs to stop taking them to these events. Every. Single. Time. And if she contacts him somewhere other than OFW ignore it as if she is blocked unless it is an emergency she should be using OFW and she wont unless he stands his grounds and its the only way he will respond to her. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

BM over here is starting to do the same! It's 4:30 pm here and SD is still not here because SD 11 had to get her hair done for a party tomorrow !!! She was suppose to be here this morning! I really wanna just tell DH that instead of BM just dropping off SD whenever she feels like it today ( considering the day is almost over) DH should just skip this weekend and get her in 2 weeks and start keeping. Calendar and tracking BM every time she does this !