You are here

I want my husband to be MY best friend and partner, but so does my stepdaughter!

slkastep's picture

Okay, so is she really THAT interested in him, or is it just for attention?  My husband talks to his 15 year old daughter like she is his wife.  He tells her ALL about his day before I even have a chance to talk to him at all.  She is always asking how work was.  And when he talks to her about it, she acts like she is on a date with a guy, hanging on every word he says.  She asks him a million follow up questions.  And I seriously doubt that a 15 year old girl is that interested in his job or what he talks about.  One time she asked about mold cleaning spray, and how it works.  Like she literally asked him to explain how the mold spray works.  So, he just talks, and talks, and talks about everything while she sits there and acts like it is the most interesting thing she's ever heard.  And, when I get home from work in the evening and want to spend time with him, there is nothing left for him to talk about. He is all talked out.  Can someome please explain to me what is going on?  I thought teenagers did their own thing most of the time.  This is everyday.  We have them half and half.  And when she isn't with us, he calls and does the same thing with her over the phone.  I'm happy they are close, but geez.  Why is he even married?  He obviously doesn't need me for companionship.  Please help!!

Comments

24 years as a SM's picture

After a while I stopped responding to DAH (Dumb A$$ Husband) because I thought he was talking with his mini-wife, SD39 (Leech). I lost a lot of respect for DAH and one day he asked me why I never respond to his questions. Bitch that I am, I told him, "I thought he was talking to his other wife, and the next time he wanted to get "frisky" he could get that from his mini-wife. There's nothing more gross than to see a 34 year old daughter rubbing her dads leg and acting like she wanted to have sex with hm." This was a huge eye opener for DAH, he put a stop to Leech hanging all over him and rubbing his leg. GROSS!!. He also put a stop to including her in a lot of our marriage conversations. This happened about 5 years ago, and there is no communication with Leech, due to other reasons.

4 years ago, Leech admitted that she was jealous of our relationship and wanted her Daddy all to herself. This could be the same issue with your SD.

futurobrillante99's picture

I would feel like I was there for sex, cleaning and a paycheck in your situation. I'd consider going on strike with all 3 until he remembers who is WIFE is.

slkastep's picture

It is not like he ignores me.  He does greet me, kiss me, and ask about my day.  But, it's like you can tell that he's already been talking for a while and less enthusiastic about it.  Kind of like when you tell the same story too many times it gets boring.  And it can be quite annoying for me because I hear them talking sometimes when I'm playing with the dog or doing something else, like my laundry.  And he will repeat the same story to me that he just finished telling her.

futurobrillante99's picture

I would tell him how you feel about his daughter bleeding him so dry for conversation that there is nothing left for you.

futurobrillante99's picture

Why not try talking to a friend of yours when you get home and telling them all about your day so that you're too tired when he asks how your day was? Men seem to learn better when they walk a mile in our shoes.

advice.only2's picture

So tell him how you are feeling, also maybe have some articles handy so he can read up on mini-wife syndrome. Because this relationship dynamic is not healthy.
It comes down to does he want a healthy adult relationship with his wife?

New_to_this's picture

My husband was like that too. I'm not sure when he started to get grossed out by it, but he did. Maybe I brought it up to him that she was like his wife. I don't remember. But, I do know that I stopped walking next to my DH when we were out, so that he could instead walk and hold hands with his daughter (she must have been 13 at the time). I stopped sitting next to him on the couch so that she could instead snuggle up to him. I never sat next to him at a restaurant so SD could sit next to him instead. Things like that. I never made comments about how they looked together. I let it speak for itself and let others comment on it. But, it did affect the way I saw him as a partner.

Eventually, it died down, but it was only until DH stopped allowing it.

positivelyfourthstreet's picture

Ha!

 

Same here.  It was so repulsive and embarassing that one time when I stopped at the grocery store and saw the happy couple I ducked into another aisle and pretended I'd never seen them before in my life.

 

Lol!  Sigh. Good times, huh?

 

Smile

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

That is so abnormal. I used to think it was torture to have spend time with either of my parents when I was that age. 

caninelover's picture

I would put the headphones of my cool Sony Walkman on to avoid talking to the parental units more than necessary.  At that age they were not 'cool' enough to get the ins and outs of teen drama.

thinkthrice's picture

Yep.  Some men feel oddly flattered by it.  Until your SO starts saying to the mini wife "why don't you talk to your friends"   To which she will reply "but daaaaddeeeeeee  yoooooooou  ARRRREEEE my BESSSSSSTTTT frieeeennnnddd!"

Then he needs to reply "I mean friends that are YOUR age."

Until he starts shutting that down it will continue and she will feel encouraged to keep up the "competition."

strugglingSM's picture

I'm assuming it's a control thing with her. She wants to see if she can get him to pay attention to her instead of you. Once she finds an actual boyfriend, she will likely pay less attention to your SO and he will be crushed.

slkastep's picture

I've brought it up to him several times, but he just doesn't see it.  Which is weird because my daughter is always in her room and barely talks and his son doesn't talk either. Only sometimes.  They have to be in the right mood to want to talk with us.  Even with the other two being more "normal teenagers" he still says he doesn't see it.  He says there is nothing wrong with his daughter asking about his day.  He says he will try to create space, but why would he if he doesn't even understand why?

levilleg's picture

It sounds like you're struggling with feelings of jealousy and it's distorting your view on things. How do you know he's not as excited to tell you about his day as he is when telling his daughter about his day?? It's not like you're the 5th person he's told about his day. And people generally welcome the opportunity to talk about themselves. I disagree that this sounds like "mini-wife syndrome." Not all teenagers are the same and it's unfair to assume there's something wrong with your SD bc she actually enjoys talking to her dad. The only solution I see here is for you to change your attitude about your DH and his daughter's relationship. Bc you sure can't ask your partner to have less communication with his daughter when it sounds like they both enjoy it. It seems they have the kind of lovely relationship many parents hope for. If you don't think this is something you can overcome, consider leaving.