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I can't believe her

Justone's picture

So my partner and i have been together for a little over 2 years. we have a son together (2 months old) and he has a son with someone else and he is 5 years old. we are both in our mid twenties and work was fine before the Covid shock. i was a full time teacher and his work in a salon was great. i earnt more than him but he always paid his part. i receive a bit of help now from the country we live in but it only covers nappies, wipes and 2 weeks worth of food for one month. i spend 40 euros for food a week on 3 people. when his mum found out she was very shocked and asked how. i sent her some polish recepies and that you can make soup for 2 days from 3 euros or less. (Our country is not great). the BM of his 5 year old does not work and never has. she gave birth to their child, went out on her first night off from being a mum and cheated on the father (my partner) and then that night took this man back to the house and kicked my partner out of the house and said if he wants to see his son he can see him at weekends. time passed and he has been paying child maintenance and seeing his child and working. BM is being maintained by not just her new man who has a great job, but also by my partner who cannot pay for our child because i am paying for our child doing freelance work and working my ass off. she has the audacity to add more days in where we have SS and have to pay more food and electricity when he is here because eventhough we tell him to turn things off, he doesnt remember and he insists on spending lots of time on games. i just received our electricity bill and i am furious. we cant afford this and his job is late with paying him. we have been looking for new work all of the time and noone has contacted due to the virus most businesses have closed down in the towns surrounding us. his boss is awful as she never pays on time and always pays him in parts. i work what i can with what clients i can get and try my best. eventhough it is not SS i end up looking at him and thinking about his mum and thinking, if non of this would have happened, we wouldnt be in this situation. bare in ind im the only one who pays for food, electricity, gas,and vaccines for baby ohh and the car insurance. he cant afford it as he pays our rent (grateful for this) and his BM takes a rather big lump. im so angry. additionally his son has ADHD and i cannot cope with this anymore, i cannot spend anytime with my partner due to this 3 and we can barely have a convo where it is just us. SS doesnt let me spend time with baby unless he is talking at me 24/7. so tempted to join my mother again and look for work near her and start a new or go to a different country with baby. advice please. i feel like a horrible person but i am so sick of not sleeping well because this stress and when we could sleep his son wakes us up to play. so tired of this now. please God bring some positivity into our lives and keep my baby well.


lieutenant_dad's picture

Can either of you find a job elsewhere that would pay more or more consistently? Are there gig jobs (in the US, we have ride share programs like Uber and grocery delivery services like Shipt) that your SO could take on to bring in some cash each month?

I think the first thing your SO needs to do is stop taking SS extra time since he can't afford it. He pays BM a certain amount, I'm assuming based partially on how often he sees SS. If he can't afford it, then the extra visits stop. He can call SS and talk to him, or use FaceTime or similar video app. 

Next would be for your SO to take on any contract/side work that he can while looking for a new job. Is there any legal recourse he can take to make sure he gets paid on time, in cash and not in parts? He needs to explore that avenue, too.

Then, does he have the ability to file for any assistance? Are there any training programs he can enroll in that would help him gain a new useful skill? He needs to comb through everything he can to bring in money now and make himself profitable in the future.

I don't blame you for wanting to run. If he's not willing to put in the same amount of work you are to bring you all up, then it might be worth it to exit the relationship.

CLove's picture

I got stressed for you reading all that.

Try to get some time away from SS. He sounds like a huge energy drain. Talk to your SO and SS about household rules. Especially since the finances are not holding up. Here in the US there are lots of folks doing the "gig economy" with lots of side jobs.

BM sounds like a piece of work. yuk.