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Am I doing the right thing?

pollycracker's picture
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Hi All

I am back again, lately this seems like the only place I can actually be open and honest with my feelings and situation I find myself in.

As an update BM ex husband was accused of raping her 16 YO daughter, the sister to my SD10, who has a different father. He has since approached me in order to assist him with his criminal trial. My fear in assisting is that BM would formally charge either myself or husband of sexually assaulting SD10, as I previously advised this allegation was made about me where she basically "hinting"/accusing me of abusing SD10 when she is at our house noting that since SD10 only masturbates at our house that is an indication of something sinister. I am convinced that if DH has slept in the same room as SD10 that he too would be standing criminal trial for rape or indecent assualt. I therefore did not feel comfortable in assisting BM ex-husband unless subpoenaed to court to give evidence of her character, as I cannot provide evidence of the "event" in question as I was not there at all.

 

I have since taken legal advice and it was confirmed that I should not offer any assistance however I should create an affidavit and have it commission in order to place my facts on record and hold that with our attorney. As was the case previously we have had no visits with SD10 since August 2020. Messages between SD10 and DH are flowing where SD10 has asked why he is not fetching her and SD10 telling him that BM said it was okay for her to come over (but no messages directly from BM to DH to confirm this). DH has told her that there are matters to clear up before she can come over for a visit. I however do not want anything to do with this entire situation, the risks are extremely high and I feel that distance is necessary as we do not want to lose our DD3 to the foster system or bring our professional careers into disrepute. I actually distance myself totally from all of this and would prefer not to have her over at all anymore. My feelings are that BM created this entire situation and now SD10 has to deal with it and it is not fair but I cannot see another way to handle this situation except to drag it into court proceedings which may have an effect on both our careers or even prompt her to make false charges against us like she probably did with her ex-husband. BM stated she does not want SD10 near me however now SD10 is stating she wants to come over and I just cannot do it. She is obviously pretending none of this is her fault with her SD10, the narrative is that daddy just doesnt love you or care.

I do not believe ex-husband's rape charges, as BM actually mocked me for being raped at 4 very unsympathetic of her bearing in mind her daughter has allegedly been "voilated" a few years ago. Seems very odd as she informed my husband that she would take both her daughters for doctors visits to check their virginity. I wish I could help ex-husband as a character witness however I cannot risk my family for it. I hate that crazy women like this actually exist.

At the moment I have started a deep resentment to my husband for having a baby with a psychopath as we are now dealing with all of this possible scenarios, and it makes me sick to my stomach. I still love him with all my heart and want to protect him from losing everything he has built. Husband is totally on my side, 5 years he supports me 100% and he has indicated he cannot have her over until this is resolved. I feel like we are between a rock and a hard place.

Do you think I am doing the correct thing by following the legal advice and staying away from SD10, I do not want to be involved with any of this and do not want her around my DD3 as I feel she might even hurt DD3. I do not know what SD10 has been exposed to and I am scared for my family, I do not want to risk everything. Please can you perhaps help me? give me advice or some feedback on this situation? what would you do?

 

thank you. any advice will be appreciated.

CajunMom's picture

This is an attorney telling you to stay away. What more do you need? This is some SERIOUS stuff. Stay away from all of them until this is resolved in the courts.

tog redux's picture

I don't know if ex-husband is guilty or not, but something sexually inappropriate is going on at that house. I would suggest that you stay away entirely, and that your DH find someone trustworthy to supervise short visits with SD in public so that she doesn't feel abandoned. 

ESMOD's picture

Grab your 10 foot pole and stay well away from her EX.. and this case.

On another front, your husband needs to see if it's possible the younger child was also molested..by her mother's EX or by her sister even.... It sounds like bad things have happened over there.  

No way would I be wading in to help that guy when it's entirely possible he actually did what he has been accused of.  

You don't have personal knowledge of what happened in that home.

pollycracker's picture

In a way I agree, I have no personal knowledge about whether he did this and there is a possibility that he did. To me though BM has stabbed DH in his head, made false charges against DH accusing him of abuse in Court to make him get back together with her, her ex-husband left her 18 months ago and started dating her neighbour 2 weeks before she made the charge of abuse against him, she also started accusing me of abuse against SD10 and  her daughter was crying to sleep next to her father and a week later there are rape charges against another man who also left her. I am sure if my husband was with her alone that night he too would be facing charges of rape, she makes SD10 lie about absolutely everything and brainwashes her so I have no doubt in my mind that they are capable of absolutely anything.