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No can do there DH..no can do...ha

halo1998's picture

DH isn't perfect and honestly he really doesn't like dealing with the less than fun aspects of parenting.  I mean who does....its not fun but a necessary evil.  Dh would LOOOOVVEEE it if I would take over the crappy parts of parenting SD.  Yea..no can do there DH...no can do.  I raised my two..they are now almost fully functioning adults (DS still needs a JOB).   They handle their own affairs, I'm just here to bank roll the college education and provide help if asked.

SD is only 14..she's not fully baked yet.  She is ADHD and her exective functioning is less than what you would consider appropriate for a 14 year old.  DH and I took some courses on ADHD at out Children's hospital and bascially SD will be about 30% behind her peers.  In essance she is 14 in chronological years but really only about 11 maybe 12 maturity wise. 

Enter...THE PHONE.....SD has an iphone.   SD cannot regulate herself and left to her own devices she will be on that thing all night. I still question..wth are the other parents that their kids are on their phones all night...but ok.  DH has to physically remove SD's phone from her room in order for SD to go to sleep. Otherwise..SD gets no sleep and is an absolute PITA to get up in the morning. I don't get SD up..nope I backed away from that mess years ago.  I have no tolerance for morning shenanigans.

Lately DH has been slacking with SD and the phone.  I have been sending him reminders to get her phone and make her go to bed.  Last night...around 10 she still had the phone and DH was downstairs oblivious and watching TV.  I send him reminders otherwise they argue and wake my @ss up the in the morning.  That makes Halo and uphappy camper.

I sent the following text to him (I"m upstairs in bed I wasn't hauling my nice and warm rear end downstairs).

DH unless you want an argument in the morning you need to get SD's phone.  Also put a an alarm on your phone to get SD's phone.  I'm not your alarm.

Woo....DH was not pleased. 

DH:  Why can't you just do it...

Halo:  Nope not my kid..I didn't create it therefore I don't have to deal with it.  

DH:  I don't want to deal with it.  I hate dealing with this stuff

Halo:  Too bad...your kid your problem

DH:  can't you just deal with it. Your better at it.

Halo:  Yep I am but nope not dealing with SD.  You made SD..you get to deal with her.

DH:  Ugh...seriously just deal with it.  STOP BUGGING ME

Halo:  NOT A CHANCE IN HELL BUDDY ...GET UP AND GET HER PHONE.  YOUR THE PARENT..NOT ME.  GET YOUR ASS UP HERE AND TAKE THE DAMN PHONE

DH then begrudingly went up and got it.

DH really thought by telling me I was better at it would get me to do it.

 

Halo waving her finger..NO NO DH..no can do...no can do.

 

Comments

tog redux's picture

When I first joined this site in 2011/2012 (I left for a while and came back) or so, I remarked to DH that I had no idea there were so many women doing the parenting work for their stepkids.  He said, "I wouldn't let you if you wanted to."  He has his flaws, but he wanted to be SS's parent, he had no interest in making me do it, especially the hard parts.

I don't really understand these men, honestly - you made the kid, you deal with it.

halo1998's picture

I didn't expect DH to do any of the heavy lifting for them.  I made em, I'm responsible for them.  If he could help by providing some transportation, etc..great.  Otherwise it was all me.

In Dh's case..he just doesn't want to deal with the hard part.  Yep..nope...DH also at times still have the old....He works and the little wifey does all the home and kid stuff.  I had to nip that in the bud right quick.  He still at times falls back into that pattern..and I have to kick his rear to get back out if.

tog redux's picture

I'd say, then fine - let's send her to Beaver's full-time. Otherwise if she's there 50/50, she's HIS responsibility.  I'd have zero patience for that. But my DH doesn't subscribe to old school gender role thinking, thank god.

fakemommy's picture

My DH doesn't like to do the heavy lifting either. Your DH should put Google Family on her phone and schedule it to lock at a certain time each night. There are ways around it, like if you are on the phone, it doesn't necessarily lock, but once she's off, the phone will lock. You can also set a time for it to unlock and monitor whatever you feel you need to (and by you, I mean your DH).

halo1998's picture

but DH wanted to be able to "trust" her.  Mmhmm...ok then.  At one point I had removed all the apps and she could only call certain people.  Then she moved to use her ipad....and or laptop.  

halo1998's picture

but DH wanted to be able to "trust" her.  Mmhmm...ok then.  At one point I had removed all the apps and she could only call certain people.  Then she moved to use her ipad....and or laptop.  

Easiest way is to just take them..

DarkStar's picture

ALL HAIL HALO!!!! I look at you with awe and wonder. Ladies, take note. THIS is how you get sh!t done and take no sh!t.
NOT A CHANCE IN HELL BUDDY ...GET UP AND GET HER PHONE. YOUR THE PARENT..NOT ME. GET YOUR ASS UP HERE AND TAKE THE DAMN PHONE
I love it I love it I love it!!!!!!!!!