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Merrigan's picture

This is hopefully going to be a positive post. I saw the SD's at my SO's place this weekend.  SD16 is having a hard time with her Halloween costume. She's at the age and size where the children's costumes don't fit, and the women's costumes are too big and too revealing. She also is terribly self conscious.

Here's where I may be both a sucker and a sap. I collect vintage theatre costumes. Not plastic bagged costumes, but ones that have been used in stage and film production. I have a wardrobe full of them in all sizes, with vintage accessories to match. It just stemmed from wishing I had a costume trunk when I was a little girl, to actually creating one when I had the means.

SD16's costume doesn't fit, and she couldn't find one in the adult section that she was comfortable with. So, and bearing in mind all the trouble I've expressed about her, I've offered her the pick of my costume closet. Almost everything is washable and in great condition ; I'd only ask that she not eat while wearing it.    She said she can't believe that I'd let her even try something on from my collection.

I never wear this stuff, and I love to see other people have fun with it. I can put the delicate accessories away so she won't be tempted by them.  Am I being naive about this?  Or is this a good thing to do for a young woman who's having trouble accepting her changing size?  I really don't care if she gets mud on the dress.  But am I being hypocritical for complaining about her, but wanting to help her?


notsurehowtodeal's picture

You are not hypocritical - you are nice! You are doing a nice thing and it is coming from a good place. You are doing it from the goodness of your heart. You also know not to expect anything in return, so you won't get hurt. Hopefully your SD understands what you are doing for her and has fun while taking care of the outfit.

Growing up we had a "costume closet" - mostly actual clothes my Mom had kept through the years. We still have most of them and I have used items for Halloween over the years. Brings back fond memories...

JRI's picture

I think it's a nice thing.  You have nothing to lose and it sounds like a better (at least for awhile) relationship with her.

Merrigan's picture

The dress she's most likely to choose is a dress very similar to Ngila Dickson's designs for LOTR.  

advice.only2's picture

I think it's generous of you to offer this to her, but don't be surprised by the outcome when/if she ruins the costume. I know that sounds harsh, but if you have a contentious relationship it probably would not faze her if she ruined it.

notsobrady's picture

I think you're being very generous. My experience though is that you'll probably regret it..but who knows.

My SD was big for her age, yet adult costumes (like you mentioned were way too revealing). So I took her shopping to buy a costume. Spent $40 on a costume. Mind you, I've NEVER spent that much on my 2 bios for costumes. We're old school and typically made something or found something cheap. But I made an exception because of SD's insecurities. She wore it about 15 minutes and was done. And to boot complained about the costume for the entire 15 minutes. 

As you, I always felt my good intentions were there..but I usually walked away totally frustrated.

Merrigan's picture

Ok, you guys are totally right. I must have had a momentary brain fart. However, I made the offer so I have to sort of stand by it.

I'm only going to offer one costume to her, and it's one that I don't care about as much.  If she trashes it, I'll make her dad pay for a new one.

Thanks for talking sense into me.