Disengaged for a while now...the lies...
Covid took its toll on everyone. I'm sure that plays a part in all this... ss has been having issues with lying, as do many kids. Back in May, I posted that DH had been doing good with the realization that maybe I was right all along and that he needed to make some changes as to how he dealt with ss.
Of course, ss didn't take too well that DH was tightening up the parenting reins and started ramping up some behaviour. By the end of May, he'd starting saying things to DH like I wasn't feeding him during the day while DH was at work...(ss just didnt want to eat what I made) or that I made him stay in his room all day... (having 5 x 10 minute time outs during the day) or that I hadn't let him watch tv... (not until schoolwork got done, which he didnt finish....) stupid stuff.
DH started getting tired of me telling him about all the things ss would do... he wasn't wanting to do his schoolwork, he wasn't listening, he'd throw tantrums... and so when DH started saying that I was exaggerating, and when he started coming home asking ss if I'd fed him, rather than asking me whether ss had eaten, I started getting pissy with DH.
Ss is a manipulative brat at times. He very quickly realized that if what I told his dad and what HE told his dad was different, that DH would side with SS and get into an argument with me about it...generally resulting in me going off to do other things, and DH taking ss to do daddy / son things.
Result - ss escalated the petty lies over June and July to include bigger things like that I had yelled at him, that I'd called him names...and the big one, that I'd hit him!
When that happened, I was standing right there...my teens were sitting in the living room...and ss gave me a twisted little smile as DH proceeded to rip me a new one.
Obviously, I have NEVER hit ss, sure I may have raised my voice, but in a firm voice, not really a yelling voice.. and the only names I'd ever called ss was being a liar, being childish, and that he was being gross. (The gross part was because he shit on the toilet seat and left a pile of shitty toilet paper in the garbage). Oh noooo. *eyeroll*
My kids, who were always home with ss and I while I was stuck dealing with ss's schoolwork etc while DH was at work, completely backed me up in that I'd never done the things ss was making up. DH didn't believe me...we had a HUGE blowout fight, something that rarely happens. This was in early August.
At that point.. I told DH that he needed to find alternate care for ss, because I wasn't going to do it anymore. He had the nerve to tell me it was my job.
I lost my shit. Not only was I working from home... I was dealing with his kid...and that NO, I wasn't going to be taking time off work to entertain his kid, and that between my 3 teens and I we'd done more than enough to try and help him learn his letters/numbers (which he STILL struggles with...probably because he's allowed to get out of it all the time......) and that no more.
That if he couldn't trust his wife to watch over his kid, then his kid needs to be somewhere else. Etc etc.
It just so happened that it was the day the kids went to their other home... so the following week DH went to work...and I worked from home.
When the kid all returned the following Friday, DH let ss watch tv that entire weekend and didn't deal with ss and his crap AT ALL.
On Monday, DH was getting ready to leave for work.. and I packed up my work stuff to go work in my mom's office. My teens were all sleeping. I asked dh what he was gonna do with ss... he was confused... he said he was going to leave him there with tv, I'd just have to give him lunch...that ss would leave me alone.
Mmmm no... reminded Dh that as he chooses to believe ss's lies instead of trusting that I care for him properly, that I'd told him to find other arrangements.
Cue big fight at 6:30am... resulting in Dh calling his boss because now he couldn't go to work because he had to watch ss... dh started yelling at me about it... another big fight.. I told DH he needed to leave. So he left... then texted me about an hour later telling me hed have a great day with ss they were going to parks..blah blah crap. By 3pm, is made the decision I was DONE and told dh to find somewhere to stay because I was DONE.
Dh ended up calling his old roomate/ old friend... and ended up staying with him for that week, which was packed tight with text fights with DH.... his friend ended up watching ss all week, for a fee... 100$. Friday the kid went back to his mom's and DH came back home full of promises that things would change.
The next kid free week was uneventful.
When the kids came back...again dh let ss watch tv alllllll weekend. Monday..he thought things were back to normal...but I stood my ground and insisted ss needed to be elsewhere while DH was at work... a pissy dh called his friend...panicked...at 6am... his friend agreed to watch ss during the day. Great!
This went on for the rest of August and until September 15th.
September 16th, the kid started school. (His mom's week).
September 21, the kid told his teachers he had a sore throat and has been throwing up all weekend.
Of course, school called dad to pick up the child and that a negative covid test was required before the kid came back to school.
Dh wanted me to take the kid for a test on Tuesday the 22nd...nope. he took the day off...and ended up getting a test as well, because he wanted ss to see it before he had to go through it...
Now these tests usually come back in about 24 hours....and people can't go to work/school without having the results come back as negative.
Regulations were, at the time, that the entire household is under lockdown while someone in the home is awaiting test results, and that those awaiting the results should be self-isolate in a room apart from the others.
Wednesday...Thursday...Friday.. no test results...so dh had to stay home.... and ss was made to stay isolated in his room. Even though his reasons for having to be tested were complete bullshit, I "insisted" that we follow the Public Health guidelines... and I let my kids stay home from school while we waited for the results... with mostly hanging out in the garage and ss in his room. DH tried to argue about it...but nope... our "health and safety" was much more important, and that even if the "sickness" was bullshit... as needed to follow the guidelines like everyone else. Lol
The test results came in Friday at 4pm. Negative, of course.
After having ss literally stay in his room from Monday to Friday late afternoon, DH was irritated as all hell because ss would call dh up every 2 minutes to entertain him...for a drink...a snack...allll day! On Tuesday evening I told dh that self-isolation doesn't mean catering to ss's whims all day, that self-isolation means ALONE...and to smarten up.
Back to mom's almost immediately... because it was Friday.
1 week without him.
Kid came back on the 2nd of October....back to school on October 5th.
During the week of October 5th to 9th, we received 6 emails about ss's behaviour... all of which DH mentioned were probably an exaggeration on the teachers part.
The 9th..the kid went back to mom's.
Wednesday of this week...the 14th... a woman knocked on my door at 1pm, looking for my husband.
Turns out she was a children's aid worker...they've had a report from the school.
Surprise surprise... not.
They're coming on Monday at 6:15pm...we still don't know what's going on... but I suspect that 1) ss is lying at school 2) ss's mom is still trying to create drama for us and called, making claims... or 3) both.
Back in August, I bought a cop cam and have racked up hours and hours of ss saying lies and behaving poorly...
I'm thinking that ss is telling teachers that I'm a big bad meanie and abusive etc... in an attempt to try and get rid of me. Videos show me offering ss snacks...ss responding by screaming at me.. Videos of ss doing stuff...me telling at about it... as looking at me with a smirk... as saying things like his dad loves him more than me and would leave me to be with him alone... all kinds of fun stuff.
I don't doubt that ss has been / is being coached by BM... but I just don't care because frankly it's all bullshit and it's caught on several hours worth of video.
Now dh is panicking because of all this...and I'm sitting back watching the trainwreck... as came back yesterday and what does dh do? Let's just say...sshas been watching tv since 4pm yesterday, with a sleep break from 10:30pm to 6am...
My teens are all shaking their heads at this along with me. Pretty sad that an almost 15 year old's response to CAS showing up...is that she was wondering when it would happen since dh doesn't deal with ss lying.... lol