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He's just so calm- the night before

1dad4kids's picture

It's the night before the conference/pretrial. 

BM's lawyer has no idea what she's doing. The lawyers were supposed to have a phone conference with a judge because they couldn't get into a pretrial. BM's lawyer emails DH's lawyer all in a tizzy about how she's going to have BM on the call because she thinks the judge is going to be mad if the clients aren't there.

Anyway DH's lawyer, being the opportunist he is, says great and we'll make it a pretrial. If they can call it a pretrial then they can make the next step an actual trial. Which is the best plan forward since it's clear BM has no intentions of following the recommendation of the custody & access interviewer or the counselor. 

The phone conference/pretrial is to talk about two things

1) the counselors role as directed by the custody and access interviewer

2) child support


So for 1 the report specifically states the counselling is for SS10 to get ready for a new parenting arrangement. And the recommendation from the C&S report is shared custody (which SS10 is already used to week on week off so anything else wouldn't make sense). 

For 2, DH started underpayments because he overpaid thousands of dollars in child support over 2 years. BM originally tried to go after DH for hiding income (taking work under the table, cooking the books) which we've literally never done. Even if people pay cash they get recorded. Our books checked out (of course since I do them) so now BM's lawyer is saying he's underemploying himself. Like she doesn't even have a job!! How is he the one underemploying himself!?

Anyway so I ask DH if he wants to talk about anything and see if he has a plan for tomorrow. He's so calm. He's just going to hang out in the parking lot after SS10's counseling session (3 down then, 1 to go!) And call into the conference from the car. He has zero concerns. I'm sure the conference will be fine but I'm also a bit nervous. 

I think though I might be more nervous for DH since he didn't tell BM about SS10's counseling session tomorrow. Technically DH has access until the school day ends and since they have joint custody he's totally within his rights to keep SS10 from school for appointments. But-here's the hitch- BM's aunty/mom lady is a secretary at the school and will probably tell BM the second the other secretary gets DH's tardy email. DH still isn't concerned and said if she says anything to him he would probably just ask why the school didn't call him every time she calls SS10 in tardy. 

DH purposely didn't tell SS10 about the counseling session until after swimming today in case BM tried to show up again. I didn't think he seemed to care but DH thought SS10 looked like he was thinking hard after he told him. He's still in bed sleeping after 3 hours and normally he has trouble sleeping if he's worried about something so I take that as a good sign. 

It must be the pregnancy hormones and having so much going on that's keeping me thinking about this when he's so calm. Usually his calmness and confidence puts me at total ease of the situation (since really there's zero I can do about it anyway) but not today. My mind's just racing thinking of all the stupid shit BM and her lawyer are going to say tomorrow. 



Picardy III's picture

It's a blessing that your DH can stay so calm, and that should help him in court!

It seems critical that dads don't lose their cool in custody situations, else they can be painted as "angry" or "unstable." (Moms, otoh, seem to have a chance at playing on the judge's sympathies by throwing fits - though with a decent judge it might backfire on them.)

1dad4kids's picture

The judge they have is the same judge they've had for all their pretrials. So it's not exactly a good indication since DH has hardly made progress up until this point. 

tog redux's picture

OK, I have to know what an "aunty/mom lady" is, lol. 

This will be the first of many court appearances, I'm sure. Hopefully it goes well. 

1dad4kids's picture

Her Aunty who she claims is more like a Mom to her. SS10 grew up being looked after by her, she's a hoarder.