My SO has a bright idea to go and visit SD, her husband and grandson in a few months.  He plans to stay at their home for a few days and then we could do an extended camping/road trip back home afterwards.  (This is all dependent upon Covid situation, of course.)

My problem is this: I am disengaged from SD and do NOT feel comfortable staying in her home. I always thought that if we ever wound up in their area for a visit, we would stay in a hotel and I could cut out whenever I needed to, or just stay in the hotel and let him "bond" with SD and family on his own. 

When he broached this visit with me, I flat-out said that I did not find this appealing and would not feel welcome in her home. Of course, he pooh-poohs that as though I'm the one with a problem for even suggesting I wouldn't be welcome there.  (Can we say "gaslighting"?)   

I have zero relationship or contact with SD.  If I were to suggest the same thing to my SO (Eg. "Let's go stay with these people I know who have made it for more than 15 years that they don't like you!") he would absoultely refuse to do so.  And I wouldn't blame him nor would I push the issue.

So I'm just trying to strategize here and figure out what my options are. Don't want to make too big a deal of it right now since we aren't even sure if the trip will be possible in a couple of months.  Right now, I am of the mindset that we will stay in a hotel when in her area - or I won't go on the trip, period.