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Bad table manners part 2 14 year old boy

ladybug1974's picture

HI so i have posted this in March i believe, nothing has changed. We tell him at everey meal. Get your gets off your plate, He holds his hands on his plate like hes gaurding his food and gets his hands all messy, Still cant hold a fork or knife, cant even hold a sanwitch normal. He drinks backwards and to the side . Nothing has changed and its come to it that i dont even want to eat with them anymore , Nothing has changed and he still leaves the seat up in the bathroom and pee's on the toilet to boot. My partner says i do what i can in the short time i have them ( every other weekend ) he does say things everytime but its not changing. 

 

ladybug1974's picture

Thats exactly what i said i will do this morning when we talked. I said i would eat first then he can sit with them . That upset him . 

 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Has your SO ever taught his kid proper table manners? Does he know that this is his responsibility?

Ask him how he envisions his son's future. What woman will want him? What white collar employer would hire him if he can't behave appropriately at a business lunch/dinner?? The proverb "Manners Maketh Man" has been around for five hundred years because IT'S TRUE.

Stop accepting excuses from your SO. Tell him He's failing his son; tell him that you want SS to succeed in life, but he won't without basic skills like table manners; and inform him that you will not be cooking for either of them until your SO handles his business.

One of the.most.important.lessons a parent is supposed to teach their young is how to successfully function within a preexisting framework

ladybug1974's picture

He said he wasnt any where near as bad untill they split 3 years ago and its gotten very very bad now. I dont believe that what so ever. A child does not go from eating proper to eating like a pig ina matter of 2-3 years. i call bull shit

Winterglow's picture

How's his writing? I'm wondering if he has problems with his fine motor skills... Although a lot of what you mentioned is a question of learning.

Tell your DuH that even if he doesn't have him often, he should still be teaching him how to eat properly.

My nephew, at age 13, couldn't use a fork and knife effectively. He would stabe the meat with his knife (held in his fist) to hold it in place and pull bits off with his fork. My brother only had him a few weeks per year but turned that situation around. Your DuH has his son a sight more often than that.

There's no excuse for letting this continue.

ladybug1974's picture

My boyfreind would cut hius steak chicken ect last year untill i said somethig, i said your making it worse he needs to learn how to cut his food he is 13 . so that stopped right away, he is the main reason and only reason the 14 year old eats like a cave man 

SteppedOut's picture

Depression? Bad table manners caused by depression? 

You have been listening to your BFs dumbass excuses too long. 

nappisan's picture

it just sounds like he hasnt been made to use a knife and fork before from DH and BM.  my ex-SS was like this because of that reason.  his parents still used to cut his food up for him at the age of 10,, i used to cringe watching it ,, especially when we were at a resturant and nanna would sit next to him and do it , CRINGE! if he use a knife and fork ,, he doesnt eat !

Merry's picture

I'm not endorsing this particular service, but surely there are lessons on table manners online. https://www.mindyourmannersetiquette.com/

Your SS obviously isn't benefitting from being told and reminded. He, quite literally, needs to be SHOWN how to act. DH can hold his own class with him, or he can find something online and sit there with the boy while he watches and practices. (Yay, SS, you drank out of a cup without spilling like a big boy!)

Seriously. Table Manners Practice Time. Or no electronics.

 

strugglinginaz's picture

Hi everybody, I'm new to the site and wasn't sure where to start. I saw this post and it totally resonated with me. I have two step sons (11 and 10) and the 10 year old acts like he has never eaten at a table in his life. I have been with them for the last 4 years and he still eats like a caveman. I don't think they use utensils at their mothers house. I love to cook, so we eat normal meals 90% of the time (not just sandwiches or chicken nuggets that you eat with your hands), but he shoves food in his mouth to the point he can't chew it and then proceeds to spit it out onto his plate. I have 2 kids and he has 2 kids, so with 4 kids at the table we have had assigned seating the last 4 years (so no arguing every night) and I finally had to tell my husband that he cannot sit in front of me anymore - I couldn't eat it was so disgusting. My husband mentions it when he sees it, but conveniently he doesn't see it very often. I feel your pain. I just want to sit down to a civilized meal. I would NEVER consider taking them out to eat in a public place with the way he behaves. 

ladybug1974's picture

HI thank you for that.... its good to feel im not the only one going through this crap.. the older one told us they dont eat with the parents there so there is none there to tell the kids anything.. its very hard . I totally understand your pain. It has not gotten better in 4 years ? holy im not looking forward to that Sad

Rags's picture

If he is feeding these feral mouth breathing salivating ill behaved kids after repeatedly witnessing their animal eating habits he is the problem.  He is doing nothing or it would not be a problem.

Time for a one time only sit down review of table manners.  Any further nasty troglodyte eating from them and they don't get fed while in you your home.  They better eat before they come or they will find visitations to be lean and hunger pang filled events.

A table knife handle to the elbow for elbows on the table solved that problem for my parents.  Moving a plate to the floor next to the dog bowl solved the lack of table manners problem when y brother's kids pulled that crap at my parents home.  

The fix is zero tolerance and... hunger for failure to comply.

Your DH needs to try it.  If he refuses, then you do not prepare food for DH and his spawn and you do not eat with them.  

That is how I would deal with it if I were you.

Thisisnotus's picture

I stopped all family sit down dinners.....I eat in the kitchen or I wait until skids are done. DH says nothing and I don't even think he notices......

SD17 and 12....lay over there plates..phones in their faces....nasty napkin on the table....drink with food in their mouth.....can't cut their own food....won't use a fork for any meat....I had enough so I just ignore it and don't eat with them.