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Bad table manners part 2 14 year old boy

ladybug1974's picture

HI so i have posted this in March i believe, nothing has changed. We tell him at everey meal. Get your gets off your plate, He holds his hands on his plate like hes gaurding his food and gets his hands all messy, Still cant hold a fork or knife, cant even hold a sanwitch normal. He drinks backwards and to the side . Nothing has changed and its come to it that i dont even want to eat with them anymore , Nothing has changed and he still leaves the seat up in the bathroom and pee's on the toilet to boot. My partner says i do what i can in the short time i have them ( every other weekend ) he does say things everytime but its not changing. 

 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Anything involving video games or social media at that age. I have a 14-year-old and threatening to withold electronics is the only thing that works.

ladybug1974's picture

Thats exactly what i said i will do this morning when we talked. I said i would eat first then he can sit with them . That upset him . 

 

somethingwicked's picture

Is he developmentally delayed and if that  is a possibility  has his parents gotten him tested?

If you believe at 14  he is just being a grotesque intentional mannerless  jerk then  insist BF  ties a bed sheet round his neck like a bib and make sure  his meals are served on newspaper while  seated  on the floor in a corner of the kitchen.No utensils required .All snatch and swallow kind of food.

Oh and he can pee in a bucket on the back porch or deck or in the freaking basement  .Eat  and act like an animal , get treated like one.

AND if Dadee can't turn HIS kid around with solid parenting he can join his kid on the floor or on the back deck ,or basement, whatever. 

Know that while you think you have a teen skid issue  you really have a BF problem,OP. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Has your SO ever taught his kid proper table manners? Does he know that this is his responsibility?

Ask him how he envisions his son's future. What woman will want him? What white collar employer would hire him if he can't behave appropriately at a business lunch/dinner?? The proverb "Manners Maketh Man" has been around for five hundred years because IT'S TRUE.

Stop accepting excuses from your SO. Tell him He's failing his son; tell him that you want SS to succeed in life, but he won't without basic skills like table manners; and inform him that you will not be cooking for either of them until your SO handles his business.

One of the.most.important.lessons a parent is supposed to teach their young is how to successfully function within a preexisting framework

ladybug1974's picture

He said he wasnt any where near as bad untill they split 3 years ago and its gotten very very bad now. I dont believe that what so ever. A child does not go from eating proper to eating like a pig ina matter of 2-3 years. i call bull shit

Winterglow's picture

How's his writing? I'm wondering if he has problems with his fine motor skills... Although a lot of what you mentioned is a question of learning.

Tell your DuH that even if he doesn't have him often, he should still be teaching him how to eat properly.

My nephew, at age 13, couldn't use a fork and knife effectively. He would stabe the meat with his knife (held in his fist) to hold it in place and pull bits off with his fork. My brother only had him a few weeks per year but turned that situation around. Your DuH has his son a sight more often than that.

There's no excuse for letting this continue.

ladybug1974's picture

My boyfreind would cut hius steak chicken ect last year untill i said somethig, i said your making it worse he needs to learn how to cut his food he is 13 . so that stopped right away, he is the main reason and only reason the 14 year old eats like a cave man 

nappisan's picture

it just sounds like he hasnt been made to use a knife and fork before from DH and BM.  my ex-SS was like this because of that reason.  his parents still used to cut his food up for him at the age of 10,, i used to cringe watching it ,, especially when we were at a resturant and nanna would sit next to him and do it , CRINGE! if he use a knife and fork ,, he doesnt eat !

Merry's picture

I'm not endorsing this particular service, but surely there are lessons on table manners online. https://www.mindyourmannersetiquette.com/

Your SS obviously isn't benefitting from being told and reminded. He, quite literally, needs to be SHOWN how to act. DH can hold his own class with him, or he can find something online and sit there with the boy while he watches and practices. (Yay, SS, you drank out of a cup without spilling like a big boy!)

Seriously. Table Manners Practice Time. Or no electronics.

 

strugglinginaz's picture

Hi everybody, I'm new to the site and wasn't sure where to start. I saw this post and it totally resonated with me. I have two step sons (11 and 10) and the 10 year old acts like he has never eaten at a table in his life. I have been with them for the last 4 years and he still eats like a caveman. I don't think they use utensils at their mothers house. I love to cook, so we eat normal meals 90% of the time (not just sandwiches or chicken nuggets that you eat with your hands), but he shoves food in his mouth to the point he can't chew it and then proceeds to spit it out onto his plate. I have 2 kids and he has 2 kids, so with 4 kids at the table we have had assigned seating the last 4 years (so no arguing every night) and I finally had to tell my husband that he cannot sit in front of me anymore - I couldn't eat it was so disgusting. My husband mentions it when he sees it, but conveniently he doesn't see it very often. I feel your pain. I just want to sit down to a civilized meal. I would NEVER consider taking them out to eat in a public place with the way he behaves.