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Dreading the every other weekend still

ladybug1974's picture

Hi its been 1.5 years and i still freaking hate , dispise , hate did i say hate lol every other weekend. I feel like im putting my life on hold for 2 kids that i really really dont like, I know its just everyother weekend but to me that alot. Thats 2 weekends of my life gone a month. Im 45 and was ready to relex and do things i want when i want as my son is 24 and i have done all of this before. Im tired, Im very close to calling it quits it just sucks as i do truly love him.  I talk to people and they say .. hold on there they will get older ( there 7 and 14 boys )  hold on for how long 10 years ? i will be 55 then... i really didnt want kids in my life and im getting very depressed at this point. 

I know you guys dont know me or us.. we really do have the perfect thing going , other then these 2 kids. I start stressing out a week before they come and the day i know there coming i actully cry on my way home . I am just preety misriable at this point of my life. 

Thisisnotus's picture

I can relate. Although I have my own 3 teens and and we have a 2 year old (I'm 40), I still dread the step kids coming. 

it's been 4 years and the dread has gotten worse over time.

I am terrified that I'm going to wake up at 50 and realize I've wasted 10 good years of my life like this. 
 

hugs!

Dogmom1321's picture

Still go about life like you normally would if SKs are there or not! Go out shopping, hang out with friends, take some time for self-care etc. 

What does your SO say? Does he make his life revolve around them when it's "his" weekend? If so, I think that would be a good place to start. Just because the SKs come over, doesn't mean you lose your SO for two weekends a month. He needs to find a balance. 

Kes's picture

Only you know when you've reached your limit and the cost of EOW is not balanced out by what you get out of the relationship with your DH.   I used to feel the same way you do - when I met DH the SDs were 5 and 7, and they came EOW for about 11 or so years.  But it's just us now - DH still sees them but they rarely come to our house.  But I remember how stressed out I used to get - how badly they behaved and how DH did not have my back.  The memories are still painful. 

ladybug1974's picture

You made it through and now its just you too ? so it was worth it for you .... thats what i want. I wish i could flash foward 10 years Smile

Maplesugar's picture

Things could be way worse. I would be delighted if our schedule was like that but it's not. I am 48, my girls are 27 and 24- long since moved out. His are 17 and 14. With Covid they have been here non stop, I work at home, go to take a break, there they are. School year will most likely be the same. At 48 I should be doing what I want when I want but I love this man so this sucks. I've essentially been raising kids almost 30 f*ing years. I'm tired. DH doesn't sympathize either, bc he feels cheated out of not having skids FT. Not my fault! I wasn't the obese whore you chose to spawn with and allow to steal your house 

I digress. If you want out, get out. If I had another 10 years to go I'd run into the street when a bus was coming.

Dave02Dad's picture

IMO, the stress just isn't worth it.  I tried and tried.....but lost hair and was put on depression meds in the process.  The things we're willing to put ourselves through for love. 

SteppedOut's picture

At the "end" of visitation (does step hell ever really end?), do you think you will be resentful? Will it affect the love you have?