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DH finally saw SS

shellpell's picture

So after BM canceled SS12's spring break and summer visitations due to fear of COVID, DH decided to go out and do a 5-day visit out to BM/SS land and stay at a hotel to visit SS. Not sure why it was safer for DH to visit than the other way around, but that was BM's logic. She wasn't going to put SS on a plane. DH came back just disappointed with the trip. He said SS was surly, disinterested in anything and didn't seem to care that he was there. He felt disconnected and said that SS had a bad attitude the entire time, no matter what they were doing. And he said that SS completely perked up when he was taking him back to BMs. 

DH hadn't seen SS since late January but has been keeping up with regular Facetimes/emails, etc. Would six months of not seeing each other cause this sort of disconnect? Or is because SS12 is turning into a surly preteen? DH was pretty disappointed that the trip wasn't very bonding.


tog redux's picture

If BM is a skilled alienator, she can get SS in that frame of mind easily within in six months. BM here used to have SS hating DH after a week of vacation with her. 

shellpell's picture

She's never been a PASer before. If anything, she was over the top in encouraging a relationship, but acting like my kids and I didn't exist and shouldn't be as important to DH. I think when DH refused to go along with her Happy Family model and "co-parent" the way she wanted to, she stopped encouraging the relationship as much. Especially since I had my youngest.

ICanMakeIt's picture

didn't get kids for Spring Break either. When they came for Summer, SS changed his tune completely about wanting to live with dad and now seems more enmeshed than ever with BM. 

There was a long 3/4 weeks of our 6 weeks before I felt he had thawed to more normal self but the damage is done and the missed visitation certainly didn't help the already ongoing PAS.

My DH too has kept up phone calls and Facetimes during the whole ordeal, but didn't matter.

I'm sorry your H was disappointed. 

thinkthrice's picture

PASed skid acts hatefully toward Dad.  No surprise there.   Funny thing is it seems whether dad kisses up to his spawn and the ex or not, the PAS outcome is still the same.

Chef's colleague has been kissing his ex-wife and now grown kids collective asses for YEARS.  Same result as Chef's PASed out ferals.  

The youngest (21 yrs old) said to his dad "Why are you always here?" when colleague showed up at his ex-wife's house.   The drama continues.

Maxwell09's picture

It's probably a combo of both. BM has taught him-whether consciously or not-that DH falls at the bottom of the totem pole in his absence of the six month period. Your DH disrupted whatever kind of life SS was living with this visit. It's very kid-like for SS to miss the value of time spent with his dad. Hell there's plenty of adults who still don't value time spent with loved ones until they're gone.