OT - Why are You Talking to Me?
Backstory: DH had a close friend we'll call A a few years ago. Out of the blue, A stopped hanging out with DH. When asked why, A would never give him or I a straight answer. We've heard from other people that have asked him that it was because DH is a know-it-all (he can be, but that seems like something you'd tell my DH as to why the friendship ended), DH committed stolen valor (this one I don't understand in the slightest because DH doesn't have any pride for being in the military and HATES being thanked for his service), A didn't like how DH and I started dating while I was still married (but separated) from XH (even though A is still best friends with a guy who started dating another friend's GF behind his back), etc. A's wife (we'll call her M) had alluded toward the end of their friendship that she couldn't trust DH around her and their daughter, which is effing bonkers for a bunch of reasons and was never elaborated on.
Needless to say, we avoid A and M. However, we share a mutual friend who had an outdoor birthday get-together this past weekend. DH and I decided to go because COVID is waning here and it was outside. The only time we see A and M is through this friend. In four years, we've seen them at friend's wedding, baby shower, and now this 10-person BBQ.
Anyway, in the past, we've all been cordial. However, yesterday, M was all up in our business. We were talking to friend's wife and M kept asking how are the SSs, where is OSS going to school this fall, where are we working now, etc. She even asked about my recipe for pasta salad.
Guys, this is nothing-special pasta salad. Legit, pasta, veggies, dressing, cheese. There is no recipe.
Then, the "men folk" start talking about bad marriages. DH is not participating but is listening to this conversation and was waiting on friend to come back out so they can chat. Out of nowhere, A chimes in about how DH had a bad divorce and tries to rope him into the convo. DH is nonplussed, says something to show it's a touchy subject and that he's not participating in a discussion about his past with people he doesn't know and aren't friends with, and promptly ignores them the rest of the time we're there.
When we go to leave, M hints that she hopes we get to chat sooner than in two years again. We say bye to friend and wife and leave.
In the car, I told DH I feel like I have whiplash. How is it that these folks had something against DH (and I) so much that they'd end the friendship but then start trying to rope both of us into conversation and find out what has been going on in our lives?! I get having polite conversation for friend and wife's sake, but you can be pleasant without asking questions. We didn't ask either of them a single thing the entire 2 hours we stuck around.
It hurts, if I'm being honest. DH took it hard when A stopped talking to him (but kept talking to BIL who should be the person they should be concerned about having around). I feel overly protective when A and M are around because they hurt DH. I probably dislike them more than he does because they hurt him.
I just don't see the point in engaging with us. There were other people around. We didn't need to put on an awkward show. Friend and wife are aware of the "bad blood", but they know it's not going to be repaired, and also know that we can all be polite to one another in each others company.
But this crossed over from "polite" to "friendly", and we want none of it. To the point that we'll likely turn down future invitations if we know they'll be there. If they wanted to be friends, they should have chatted with DH (and I, because I think I was part of the problem) about the problems instead of dumping the friendship. But, they dumped it, and DH and I have zero want to be back on friendly terms. That ship sailed years ago.
I'm not looking for advice, really. I just need to let this out.