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Bf, the military, COVID-19, and BM

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

Mostly off topic, but also has to do with step life too. So as most of you know, my bf is in the marine corps. Some of you know how in the PSA, BM was supposed to be moving back to her home state between June 1 & September 1 of this year, for bf to drop off SD at home state on September 1. Well, as of right now, BM is staying in VA, so drop off will be in VA, not the other state. Originally, bf, myself, and SD were going to travel to the home state at the end of August to visit bf’s dad, drop off SD, then go and do some other things around the area. BM not moving put a bit of a wrench in our plan in staying in VA, but then we decided we will just return on August 30th to drop off SD to BM. Bf had put in leave from work for a week to do this trip. Well, my bf’s company (may even be the wrong word, hard for me to keep track), put out last week that they are in Phase 0 of the COVID-19 plan…. Meanwhile VA is about to enter Phase 3… They had to sign a paper saying that they are not traveling anywhere outside of their home, getting groceries, gas, going to work, etc, that they are not visiting with any family or anyone that is not a DEERS registered dependent, and all these other things, no matter what the federal and state government says is okay. This is all in effect until the marine corps says it is not and if they break any of those things that they agree that they will be up for whatever administrative punishment is given. Plus does not matter if they sign or not because they all were given a copy. You got to be f**king kidding me right? So in other words, technically, my bf should not be at our apartment with me whether we are both on the lease or not because we are not married.

 

So there goes our plan in July to visit my family for a week and his dad in August. I will still be going to see my family actually for a bit longer now because bf, myself, and SD will go up on a Friday, bf will stay the weekend then go back to work for the week to then come back the next weekend. As for seeing his dad, that will have to wait till the fall or winter because they are saying this might be in order until November. I feel bad for bf’s dad because the whole point was for him to see SD while we had her. The only way we could still maybe go is if BM was moving to the state she was supposed to because then we would just have to submit these papers with the address of where we are taking SD and that BM will not come get the child because it is in their custody order, bf does all the transportation, etc. So basically bf and in turn me in some ways are grounded by the military because the colonel of my bf’s company enacted this stupid ruling now, but when it was all popping off badly in March, April, and May, said no you still need to come to work and I don’t care what the state says about social distancing or any of it. Ugh, I am not even trying to blame BM because whatever, she decided not to move, we think because she met someone, but this is not her fault. 

 

Also, in case anyone was wondering, BM called SD for the first time in two weeks this weekend.

Comments

justmakingthebest's picture

Yeah, Big Navy has been like that since March. It sucks. He can't go more than 75 miles from the ship and he isn't allowed to do 3/4 of the stuff we do anyway. Travel is out though, we have had to cancel so much stuff! 

 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

They are allowed to go up to 250 miles, BUT they aren't allowed to interact with anyone that is not in their company or their DEERS registered dependenets or go in anywhere that is outside of home, getting gas, work, and groceries, so why is there this 250  mile cap, if you aren't supposed to interact with anyone or do anything? 

I commend you, I could not be a military wife, we are counting down the days until he gets out in May next year. Bright side is we will spend less money on pet care while gone since he won't be gone the whole week and at least he gets to see my family and do stuff on the weekends (without the military knowing of course). So he will still meet my dad's extended family he has never met before because one of the weekends is my sister's graduation party. Still feel bad he will drive 3 hours up and 3 hours back twice, but it is what it is at this point

UpgradeWife's picture

Why don't you go elope? I know you "don't want to be a military wife" but he's getting out soon, regardless.

He's completely divorced from the ex, right? 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

thank goodness!

We made end up eloping, but down the line. One thing we both agreed on is about being at least engaged before we leave in May 2021 to the other side of the country. With COVID-19, planning a wedding in the future makes me nervous of having to move dates etc. like I have seen so many people do since February. I have thought about us eloping before we leave then plan a wedding a bit down the line, but haven't figured out how I feel about it yet. Part of me thinks it is smart because of everything going on in the world. Then the other part of me is like I don't want to resent that I eloped instead of having an actual wedding for other reasons. Then at the same time, the only thing that matters is I want to spend the rest of my life with him. So many factors to consider, but I don't want to talk about until he proposes 

UpgradeWife's picture

I had a "real wedding" the first time. I eloped the second time. I have no regrets about eloping. The "real wedding" was stupid and a waste of money lol. Eloping was intimate and special and I loved it.

Let me clue you into something: the wedding doesn't matter.

The marriage is all that matters.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

but I have never been married, so I feel like if I don't have a wedding I might regret it later. Just more depends on if I want to elope first or wait till we can have a wedding.

I don't want a big wedding anyway, under 50 people. Would be way less if I didn't have so much family alive that I am close to. So realistically it will probably come down to, elope then move, then wedding. Or wait until we move because I don't think we are going to want to put the money out before getting settled in a new place for a wedding. 

Personally, I just want something simple, but I do want certain people there. Even though my bf was married before, he didn't have people there that he would want now or even have a reception before either. So I think no matter what we would have a ceremony at one time or another.

tog redux's picture

We eloped to a local park with our two best friends as witness and officiant. We had a nice dinner 6 months later for family and a couple close friends. Would do it again, but I was 47, DH had been married twice before, and I never wanted a big wedding anyway. 

UpgradeWife's picture

We went to the courthouse. It took like 20 minutes. Then we went to a buffet. Just the two of us.

No BS, no drama. Perfect omg. I'm way too practical for my own good, though lol. I make a terrible woman sometimes.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

I always hear the wedding is really for everyone else and I feel like this is true because part of me is like if we just eloped and did not ceremony following, my family would be pretty upset. Personally, bf and I want a simple wedding and save to spend on the honeymoon rather than the wedding.

tog redux's picture

My mother was very upset. My sisters were at first, but that lasted a short time, lol.  My parents helped pay for the dinner and my mother helped plan it, which made her feel better.  I really had no idea she'd be so upset with me at all.  All the men in the family were glad they didn't have to go to a wedding.

I had no interest in spending huge amounts of money on a wedding, that has always seemed nuts to me. The wedding industry has convinced people it's a necessity.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

I will be the first of my parent's children to get married, the first granddaught on one side, maybe both depending how the next year goes with my cousin and his gf, etc. I would probably get a lot of grief. Hell, I will get some grief probably because I have zero desire to get married in the church, but everyone in my family has been married in the church, but I don't care what everyone else wants, it is what me and bf want. 

I think it is ridiculous too! My friends who got married last year spent A LOT of money on their wedding, but they have big families and their families helped out,  but had certain guest list expectations then. Neither bf or I want help for our wedding, or rather are expecting any or would ask for any is a better way to put it. We have talked about some of our wishes, but we both want it small and simple, with the people we care about celebrating us, that is really all that matters.

UpgradeWife's picture

My mom DGAF that we eloped. She adores my DH. I think she's just grateful I finally found a real man and have children, finally. My DH adores my mother, too. He prefers her to his own omgwtfbbq LOL.

I don't recall my mother ever complaining that we eloped.

Crspyew's picture

But most here won't.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

which part? Haha. I like the short and sweet response, but I am not sure what you are agreeing with Smile

UpgradeWife's picture

Que?

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

bf's company in the marine corps, except barbershops, they want them to still get haircuts, but can't go anywhere else!

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

but now since babershops are open in VA, they are to get one every pay period! 

Not supposed to interact with someone in the marine corps that is not part of his company, but you better go to the barber! haha

UpgradeWife's picture

do you have a set of clippers? I thank god for mine.

However, i won't use clippers on mine or my husband would freak. BM always looked like a dude so I have to stay utterly feminine or he is triggered. Once, like 8 years ago, I got a cute long bobbed style and he went white as a sheet when he saw it. I got my normally bananas hair blown straight just for fun, too.

I look like a f$cking Muppet right now. Sad

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

that is funny because BM did the same at some point while they were married. She has one side of her head shaved now, the rest is extremely short too, plus now she got a nose ring I forget what it is called that reminds me of a bull, it is underneath her nose and hangs down. 

Meanwhile I have always had long hair, but now I am about to sit on mine since I have not had it cut in months! It needs it desperately. I joke sometimes with him that I am going to chop it all off and he gets all upset and no please don't do that. I never have had any intentions of going short, just fun to tease him. I will be the old lady with a long white braid, hands down

UpgradeWife's picture

I feel nauseous picturing BM in my head. Eww. BM over here is like 5'10 and 300lbs at least. Hair like a dude, dresses like a dude but also shows off her "whale tail" via her thong underwear.

I almost went blind from observing that carnage. I think i said to DH "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!" He was cringing.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

hahaha. 

I can agree that I have said the same thing to bf. To his benefit, from my stalking of her social media, back when I started dating him, that he is right in saying she didn't look that way when he got together with her. However, now, she looks so disgusting and trashy, I can't even. 

UpgradeWife's picture

Oh. BM over here was an eyesore from the get-go. My husband was sober when he married that walrus. Damn!

tog redux's picture

As hard as it is, it kind of makes sense, given all of the activities listed have caused Covid to spread more in almost all states - and having a large amount of military service members out of commission at once with Covid would not be a good thing. 
 

 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

is that my bf's company has had MANY cases of COVID-19 because they were acting as if things are normal. So now they made these rules for them, okay fine, but it ONLY applies to the staff, not the students. So the students my bf and others are teaching, can do whatever, but then the people teaching cannot, so they are getting exposed through the students. It just does not make sense.

tog redux's picture

Yeah, that doesn't seem like it makes sense. But all over the country, people have been acting like it's normal and COVID is no big deal, even after watching what New York went through - and now the rates are skyrocketing in some states. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

people are acting like things are normal and they should not be. I have hung out with two sets of friends, both who work from home and social distance, and until June, we 100% were social distancing, now we have let up a little, but I am not going to be going anywhere there are crowds, etc. 

So I totally get it about trying to avoid allowing them to attend crowded events or other risky places, but when you are allowing half of the co-workers to have a free for all, doing who knows what, but then mandating the other half that they cannot go anywhere, do anything, see anyone, you are not really protecting them from COVID.... limiting exposure to a degree, yes, but you have no idea where or who the other people have come in contact with.

tog redux's picture

Well, I don't know bupkis about the military - but maybe they don't have the authority to mandate that for the students? Hopefully they are at least wearing masks to protect themselves.

I have hung out with friends in our backyard, played golf with my mother and have gone to a family b-day party - all allowed under the guidelines of my state. No way am I going to be in a crowd anywhere.

They are saying now that young people make up 35% of those now testing positive.  And it's the bars and other crowded situations driving that, no doubt.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

either haha. Everytime I think I get the terminology right or something bf is like wel it doesn't quite work like that haha. 

Yes they are wearing masks at least!

I have not been to a bar, but I have been to both a brewery and winery, all outside, and limited interaction with the people working there, that was nice and made it feel like normal!

I have been seeing that too! I keep seeing it about bars, I am just waiting to hear how the protests effected the numbers honestly

tog redux's picture

Yeah, the protests will affect them for sure.  They are saying now that masks make a huge difference in transmission, so that's good.

Some places opened early and have had hundreds of people packed into nightclubs.  Seems crazy to me.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

If I were to get it, even though I wore a mask would be from work last week. I had an install at a project last week where they were still doing construction so was around contractors, installers, movers, deliveries, etc. I wore a mask and did the COVID protocol, but still was a lot of in and out of different people. 

ItsGrowingOld's picture

About the protests....   I live in the Minnesota metro area.  Almost all protesters wore masks and we have not seen a spike in new cases and our testing was significantly increased too.  Just thought I would put this out there.  Masks work!!!

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

I have seen smaller protests in the DMV (DC, Maryland, Virginia area), but definitely not all were wearing masks. I heard a rumor that in August, there is to be a MASSIVE protest here in DC. I can gurantee you, I will not be going anywhere that day!

Appreciate the input though!

advice.only2's picture

Be thankful, here in CA they just locked Military back down, they can only go work and home. Civilians are strongly encouraged to adhere to the same standards so we pretty much only get to go to work and home.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

to CA for certain training for a few days or weeks and they have been making them quarantine before and after returning, so I can only imagine how it is there!