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I’m tired

Greece247's picture

Hello All,

I’ve been reading posts on here for the last year or so and have had so many major laughs because this is how my life is. So now I’m making my first post. I have 2 skid Ss19,SD17,and BD4. DH and I have been married for 4 years. My DH is a Disney Dad and make excuses for his bio children. When we first started dating, I knew that SS was hardheaded, but when it was his weekends to have them, I wanted that time to be for them. I thought I was doing something great. I work with children so I know how important for children to have strong relationships with parents.  SS is very smart and should be in someone’s college. He was living with us after BM kicked him out. Child support is over so he had to go. While he was here he did absolutely nothing but sleep all day and eat all night. I began to become very angry because all he did was make excuses for SS not working  nor enrolling in college.  In January, he had to go for being disrespectful to me and I said to my DH you can go with him if you don’t like what I’m saying.  During our argument, my sS stated that he didn’t know me nor did he like me. I gave him those same words back. He had to live with the grandmother. She is now fed up with him. Word is he’s going to live with the grandfather in another state. I truly don't believe that is going to work either.  Last week, DH asked me to put SS on my health insurance, and I ask “What about his mother?” He became very upset I said I don’t care about his kids. Am I wrong for saying for saying “No?” Now on to the SD. She plays her dad and all who will listen to her sad story about I don’t like her. When I first heard this a few years ago, I called the BM to ensure her that wasn’t true. BM said the she was studying for finals. I said well get back to me when she is done. I didn’t want to disrupt her studying. She never called. When I call her out on her behavior, I only hear that I don’t like her.  Last year at her brothers graduation, she invited her friends to stay over. My husband knows I am not a fan of sleepovers, he allowed it anyway. I was livid. Then the BM came over and was at my house talking sh** about me again not liking her kids. I found this out after the party. My MIL stood up for me as I was told. SD stole a jewelry of mine, DH said to me, "but she gave it back." That’s not the point. Both of them have been caught stealing at school and from stores, it’s never their fault, it’s everyone’s else fault. DH now has left because I did not go to a daughters graduation dinner and the BM was going to be there.  I do not feel comfortable being around her. Which DH knows.  We do not like each other. If was a dinner that we had planned, no problem. I have never mistreated them, always tried to remember birthdays and  Christmas presents. I stopped that and started disengagement especially since I supposedly not like.  I am tired and it feels like I’m in a losing battle. 


Naturelover's picture

That sounds rough - so sorry you are going through all of that. It is hard to tell you what steps to take because if the dad cannot see how his kids are acting by now, I am not sure what his wake up call will be. You need to focus on your happiness as well.

Rachel29577's picture

I always wonder how you guys make it so long in the relationship. I couldn't get past 6 months with my boyfriends kids and their BM. I too would just read posts but then once I started posting I felt so much better. Is SS not working? I would refuse to be around their BM as well. Very toxic unpredictable person. 

Greece247's picture

Lazy is a nice way to put it. He was supposed to get a job after I banned him from the house in January.

tog redux's picture

No, you are not wrong to not want him on your health insurance. I, personally, would not want any ties like that to my SS (though my DH would not likely ask that of me, nor would BM give up control over SS in that way).

My DH is not a Disney Dad, but it seems that the best thing to do is to keep setting your own boundaries and disengaging from the kids. If DH says, "You don't like my kids," say, "you're right, I don't."  Don't let him make you feel guilty or convince you to do things you aren't comfortable with.  And set boundaries too around how long you will tolerate SS living in your home without a job and not paying rent. Otherwise, he will still be there at 25 with DH making excuses for him.

Greece247's picture

I made the mistake of not setting boundaries in the beginning.  Now that I speak up, I'm mean.

shamds's picture

stepmum or stepdad is a stranger to them!!

my ss said that at age 21, me and hubby had been married about 4.5- 5 years at that point with 2 kids that we had but ss justified the emotional abuse to me and my kids along with shunning all of us that i am a stranger. He was dumb enough to say that to his dad... 

my husband right away said that is my wife!! She is not a stranger!! Ss went radio silence... you could be married 20-30 years with kids and grandkids as a result of that marriage and you will still be known as the stranger whore still!!

in our case bio mum even ranted to a sil fuming hubby was dating me because i was a caucasian whore. Hysterically, bio mum was cheating and whoring herself out to a ex high school sweetheart who was married with kids. So she is not only a cheater and homewrecker, but she sees herself as so respectable and dignified (insert yawn)

i don’t tolerate useless adults or perfectly capable kids living in the home!!

honestly if my kids were from age 1.5 onwards helping put dirty laundry into washing machine, helping cleaning toys off the floor, vacuuming and sweeping or handing me laundry to fold, you got no excuse whatsoever for a useless adult being a bum!!

stand your ground hun!! It won’t get better because you have a precedent for the status quo, you need to change the status quo and make it clear to your partner that no sleepovers ar your home!! You want your private space!!

just to confirm is this your home or his or joint? Is it a rental or owned?? If its joint even if he is paying the mortgage and you are a stay at home housewife, if you are primarily caring for the home doing bulk or all of the chores, your partner doesn’t make executive decisions.

the only exceptions in our home are my inlaws from other states because my sil’s and fil are great people and help with chores at home and cook delicious food so i am more than ok for them to come over because they help out!! Its like having a temporary maid at home... we have never had ss friends stay over ever. 

My husband is very firm on that i am entitled to my privacy and he knows if he pisses wifey off, his dic* aint going nowhere for a while and hubby loves sexy wifey time too much to give it up!!

you are right that its bio mums problem to sort out skids insurance. If they have been so disrespectful and rude to you, why reward them with insurance?? Why should a stepmum be responsible but bio mum can’t be bothered to handle medical cover for her kids??

its like freeloading off other people when you treat them like dog shit!!

Greece247's picture

We bought this home 2 years ago. DH acts as he's afraid of BM and Skids. SD wanted to have her graduation party here this year. After SS party last year, I made it known there would not be anymore parties here. SD told DH that "it would be too much money to have it at their clubhouse." I stood my ground and said the answer is "No." SD has said "I'm not her family" in the past. Why should I accommodate her? Instead of DH repeating what I said, his response was,"We don't think it's a good idea to have a party with COVID." I told him "COVID or not, the answer is "No". WT absolute F