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Help....he's blown our isolation

Tempmum's picture

Hi,

Really need some advice. We took my partners son to see his mum today for ten minutes, he is 17. In lone with current guidelines we told him not to go in the house to make sure he self distances etc...he was told this before we left the house and again when we got there. On returning to pick him job we saw him hugging and kissing his mum. Fuming isn't in it! There are 6 of us How to live in the house, all of us have spent the last 9 weeks following guidelines incl my kids only seeing their dad from a distance.  My partner was really cross and has told him off and said he is lucky he hasn't sent him to his mams (who is mingling with everyone)

My kids are now saying that he shouldn't be here because he is putting us all at risk and that I am putting my partners feeling a before their safety. My partner has said he will send him but I feel like he will think I've forced him into it...his daughter has already gone to live with her mum cause she put her through a guilt trip 6 weeks into the lockdown.

Help I have been awake all night worrying about what to do.

Rags's picture

When you all saw him snogging with mommy why didn't you just drive off and leave him with her for 2wks rather than allow him to put everyone else in the home at risk?

smh

unhappy_step's picture

because you can bet that daddy would have been so upset by that. waaahhh.

Mominit's picture

The reality is we won't have a vaccine or herd immunity for many months still.  So while you may have isolated yourselves for 9 weeks (including your kids only seeing their father from a distance!!), it's unlikely that you were planning on maintaining that level of isolation for the rest of this year and possibly into next year.  So it was inevitable.  The point of the isolation is to try to keep the vulnerable isolated, and to slow the transmission so that the hospitals don't get overwhelmed.  It was never meant to ensure that nobody else got it.  As such countries around the world are loosening the isolation.  In almost all countries there was never a call to keep kids away from their parents.  And that includes the emotional and psychological needs of hugging, touching, comforting and loving each other.  So, while you and your ex may have that agreement, obviously your DH and his ex are moving with the loosening guidelines.

As JMTB said, I think you are over reacting.  Don't pit this into an us vs them game.  Or that your kids are better, or who loves who more.  The circles will expand slowly and naturally.  Unless you or your kids are immune compromised, life must return to some form of normal eventually.  Perhaps it's time to allow your kids to see their Dad as well, without pointing a finger of blame at anyone for "risking all of our health".

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

I agree with you that social distancing is an unsustainable way of life. We will eventually have to go back to work or school or some other group activity. It's human nature, we are herd animals.

 

However, for the last 2 months and for the foreseeable future, there are many families that are adhering to strict social distancing. OP's family made the choice to do that and are also not prepared to stop doing that. OP and her kids AND their bio dad are all making emotional sacrifices based on the mutually agreed upon physical needs of the family. The issue here, as I see it, is once again a skid doing exactly what they want when they want and screw the rules, screw the consequences and screw the step parent. Biokids still want to socially distance and that is their boundary. Skid doesn't want to socially distance so he should be sent to his mother. Period.

Zen mode's picture

I know how frustrating it is! Here's what I think though, better at the start of everything starting to opening up than once it's full on back to business as usual. I did ask DH to follow up with step son and check that he's in good health and DH then explained that being extra careful is important to both of us because of his age and my health.