Boundaries
I don't even know where to begin. All was blending well until my hubby and I got married nearly 2 1/2 years ago. My hubby's son (13) refuses to visit and now my stepdaughter (16) seems to be pulling away. I feel that biomom is very much using tactics.of parental alienation especially now that she is remarried and has "perfect blended family". My ex and I co parent with our son fine and the things this Biomom does I would never ever inflict pain or loyalty binds on my own child. Everything we do and say is relayed back to biomom. Most of it of course is harmless and we don't care. But many times it is used against us and my hubby. At first I thought my step daughter wouldn't intentionally relay things back to her mom to cause drama. But recently I believe otherwise. This is just ONE example. Hubby got some cbd oil to rub on his sprained wrist. He was telling me and his daughter about it and was hoping it would help. Now this morning bm sent my hubby a text asking what "ailment is he seeking cbd oil for". Now this may seem trivial but bio mom and step daughter are always always always texting each other. My hubby doesn't interfere because he knows his daughter is very close to her mother. My issue is any innocent or personal discussions that we have in our home are related back to biomom in which she uses it against hubby. Whether it is to guilt him into more money (he always paid child support on time no issues) or to tell him how he doesn't care about his kids if he is buying xyz for our home. I'm tired of this and no longer feel comfortable in my own home when my step daughter is around because I feel there are no boundaries or respect for my hubby's or my home or the decisions we make. We live under a magnifying glass and no matter what we do or say it is wrong in biomoms eyes therefore also wrong in the kids eyes. My son is only 5 and I try to focus on him and make sure he has a good relationship with my ex as well as my hubby. However I want so badly to have a good relationship with my step kids but I feel it will never happen because of biomom and their blind loyalty and acceptance of whatever she says is true. How do I navigate this?
He needs to IGNORE BM anytime
He needs to IGNORE BM anytime she asks something personal or tries to make him feel guilty or give her more money. Only respond to things that he has to respond to, and otherwise ignore. It really does work. She will pitch a fit and get worse at first, but then it will eventually stop. With one kid alienated and the other one 16, there should be very little he has to respond to from BM.
It works, my DH did it very successfully.
Thank you
We do ignore. She will text her daughter and tell her that her dad is responding and then his daughter takes moms side and then it just becomes a shitty day. My hubby is a great father to his kids as well as my own. His kids think he is not all because of what bm tells them. And she sits on a pedestal to them because she is "honest". I just don't want to interact with my stepdaughter anymore and I feel guilty and sad for feeling that way. I want us so much to just blend. It's heartbreaking
I do understand, my SS20 was
I do understand, my SS20 was alienated from age 15-18. Your DH needs to tell SD that what happens between him and BM is not her problem or her business and not let her get involved in it. He also needs to be honest with her - not badmouth BM, but not let SD believe lies that BM tells her.
In the end though, it won't get better until they are old enough to think for themselves.
Time for the Skids to be
Time for the Skids to be seasoned with the facts and truth about BM's PASing bullshit. They need the facts to learn if their BM's manipulation and to learn to protect themselves from her bullshit for the rest of their lives.
Even more importantly, DH needs to
Protecting himself and his relstowith his kids from this toxic Harpy is critical. Tearing down the pedestal of lies that his kids put their BM on is a responsibility that any good parent has when the other parent is a POS.
BM did that to us once. We
BM did that to us once. We replied with we don't tell you what to do in your house you don't tell us what to do in our house. Then DH went into SDs room and yelled at her and took her phone from her for four days. It never happened again.
I know how you feel. DD 9 is
I know how you feel. DD 9 is always by DH listening to convos and I try to not make any convo in front of her. At first BM would call DH complaining but eventually he would stop taking calls. Once she tried to yell at him about how Skids felt because of our newborn. Dh was not having it. Your DH should just ignore her it works eventually BM will give up
My sd’s were 23 &14 and would relay everything to bio mum and
stepdad.
what we wore, did, spoke, went even my 2 toddlers then. Just everything and on next visit they would state bio mums comments.
it was such an invasion of privacy and disrespect of boundaries that i refused to attend meets.me and my kids didn’t sign up for this and we certainly don’t want to get in a car and they rant non stop bullshit about bio mum and stepdad, there is a reason your parents are divorced
december lat year hubby met his daughter and told her off that he’s very upset and angry how she and her sister treat all of us and the nonsense crap bio mum lies that they accused daddy of. She claimed she didn’t know she had done anything wrong...
i have still refused to participate in any meets since 17 months ago and coronavirus has reinforced what selfish arseholes they truly are that when me and hubby are togethwr on outings or family holidays that i do not want skids present so they can ruin our family time with shitty behaviour.
The fact we have had no contact in 1.5 yrs reinforces why its a dumb idea for hubby to force us together on a mini family holiday and in a car for hours