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BM's hours cut in 1/2

ksmom14's picture

Info: divorce decree says 50/50 parenting no CS either direction. 7 years ago when this was established BM couldn't hadle 50% so BM and DH agreed he would keep skids, and BM would get visitation every other weekend. They also agreed she would pay $700 a month for CS (even tho this was at least $300 less than what the state would set). They wrote up their own agreement, both signed it, and filed it with their other divorce documents even tho its unenforceable because its didnt get signed off by judge. Things have been fine and status quo for 7 years now.

BM just texted DH that her and her BFs hours (they both work in same office environment medical field) have been cut in 1/2 and possible layoffs are coming. BM now wants to keep skids 50/50 and no CS again. 

I don't see any issues with this while school is not open, which I could see being the case until the next school year starting in mid August. However, she lives too far away for her to continue 50/50 once schools are open. My suggestion to DH was that he ok 50/50 with no CS while school is out and ask her to pay 1/2 their phone bills (only solid recurring expense at the moment), but say it has to go back to agreement once schools are open.

If she still does not have full time employment when schools open, CS should be calculated based on her new, lower income.

Thoughts? Does this seem fair/reasonable?

Comments

tog redux's picture

What does he want to do? What does she want to do? The divorce decree still says 50/50, so if he won't agree to that, she could take it back to court and possibly win full custody, since their new arrangement and the CS aren't formally agreed upon.

So I don't think he should demand or insist on anything - he should work with her. Shes been paying CS faithfully and could have the upper hand if it goes back to court.

SteppedOut's picture

But OP stated bm lives too far away for 50/50 when school is in.

OP, can you clarify what too far is? Also, did bm move after the divorce/agreement?

ksmom14's picture

BM lives an hour away, the days she does pick them up or drop them off for school every other weekend (she picks up Thursday evenings, and drops of at school Monday mornings) she has to request time off of her job to be able to do that. Since its only every other weekend she makes it work, but she wouldnt be able to every other week. 

BM had moved there before the divorce, but also before she finished school and got her job, so I dont think she realized that 50/50 wouldnt be possible 

SteppedOut's picture

I agree, an hour each way is not doable, particularly when the kids are back in school. How could she possibly drive 4 hours a day (with drop off/pick up time constraints) and hold a full time office hours position. 

It may be doable if bm is willing to move closer...but I doubt she is. 

I think it is reasonable to adjust while kids are out of school/doing online learning. Honestly, I do not think kids are going back to school before the end of the school year. But, is bm reasonable to agree to this? 

tog redux's picture

Right - but they are approaching it as if the court has appointed DH the CP and they have not. So BM could say she revokes any informal agreement and insist on 50/50, especially if she's not working. Or go back to court and try to get full custody herself.

Given that she's actually paying her CS, she must be at least a semi-reasonable person, they should work with her rather than dictating what should happen.

ksmom14's picture

We're not trying to dictate, we are trying to find an agreement that works for both households.

BM actually tried to dictate what was going to happen with her original message, she tends to do this a lot...tries to make unilateral decisions and just inform DH. 

ksmom14's picture

Yes I agree, I more so just stated it because I realize that their whole household income is taking a big hit and im trying to be sympathetic to that

SteppedOut's picture

What type of medical enviromnment is she in that she is having hours cut? Does she have a profession that would allow her to get a job somewhere else that would be full time? 

SteppedOut's picture

Can she ONLY do ultrasounds? Or xrays/mri tech also.

Perhaps employment at a hospital instead of a dr office?

NotThatTypical's picture

Most locations are cutting back on all those services right now becuase they aren't doing anything that's not life threatening. Currently switching to a hospital is most likely useless because they don't need her either.

Willow2010's picture

. My suggestion to DH was that he ok 50/50 with no CS while school is out and ask her to pay 1/2 their phone bills (only solid recurring expense at the moment), but say it has to go back to agreement once schools are open.

If she still does not have full time employment when schools open, CS should be calculated based on her new, lower income.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I think this is perfect.  Wish some BMs could be this reasonable.  

notarelative's picture

These are unusual times and need to be taken into account..Her hours cut should not be forever. Things will return to a new normal eventually. 

He needs to think carefully about what he wants. If it is to continue more custody, than perhaps he should consider offering to reduce BM's child support while she has reduced hours.

tog redux's picture

I agree. The court has not made him the CP - she could probably get that reversed and then HE would be the one paying.  I'd try to be more than fair with her.

ksmom14's picture

I know a lot of you are bringing up court and BM trying for full custody.

In our case that is EXTREMLY unlikely. Both Sd16 and SD14 are attending a specialised high school that is only in DHs town, that they had to apply to, and they will graduate with a HS diploma and associates degree. BM has been supportive of them being in it, her gettung full custody would pull them out of that. 

Im simply looking for advice on what would be fair and reasonable in this situation

ksmom14's picture

I know a lot of you are bringing up court and BM trying for full custody.

In our case that is EXTREMLY unlikely. Both Sd16 and SD14 are attending a specialised high school that is only in DHs town, that they had to apply to, and they will graduate with a HS diploma and associates degree. BM has been supportive of them being in it, her gettung full custody would pull them out of that. 

Im simply looking for advice on what would be fair and reasonable in this situation

tog redux's picture

If BM is out of work and wants to drive them the hour it takes to get them to school, then let her do that.

I guess I'm not clear on why YOU are deciding what should be done here - isn't that BM and DH's call?

Thumper's picture

ITS A TRAP....

Keep order where it is.

Not to sound like a total ass---BUT (LOL) all custody orders AND cs orders are still in place whether or not parents have lost their jobs. I dont necessary agree with this but GVT has not stopped paying custodials with cs orders.

DH could write up a temp  order...with start and end date. Make sure to include this temporary modificiation  is because of current pandemic and no way a replacement of agreed order dated and signed on blah blah.

BM must inital each numaric statment of fact.

I dont know...I am not sure I would go ahead with this. They are hurting for cash right now...I see this as a trap. I would keep the kids with you and maybe drop the cs a little.

jmo

 

ndc's picture

I don't know how much BM was making, but with regular unemployment plus $600/week under the stimulus package (at least for the next few months), how much is BM's income going to drop?  

simifan's picture

I agree. It's a trap. Right now your DH has the upper hand if you go to court because he has status quo. If you change the routine he's giving that up. He needs to talk to an attorney before he agrees do anything. Otherwise he could lose primary custody.

Harry's picture

If BM WANTS 50/50. That is on her. To deal with it, since she was the one who moved.  But if she wants 50/50. That how it will stay from now on.  Do not let BM control your home,  don't let BM do what easy for her.  To play mommy when she wants 

notarelative's picture

Adding to my previous response:

School is not physically open. But, is it closed for the year? Are they doing online schooling? Were paper assignments given out? If they go to BM's every other week, how likely would it be that the assigned work is completed and turned in on time.

Here only emergency ultrasounds are being done now. DH has a routine (scheduled to check if medication is working) ultrasound scheduled for next week. It has been cancelled and rescheduled for late June. Even if she tries to get a second job, I doubt she could find one easily right now. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

If it were me, I'd tell her no CS while she is working part-time, but she'll need to eventually pay it back once she is up and running again. Could be an extra $100 a month for 7 months. Could be that she pays half now and spreads out the rest later.

If her concern is money, they can come up with a new financial agreement. I'd want to know how she expects to feed the kids and give them what they need 50% of the time with 50% less income, and possibly zero income soon.