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Being made a fool of.... against

jade84's picture

Hello 

posted on here a few weeks back about my BF who couldn't let his ex go. 
 

We went our separate ways, only to be given the usual love of my life talk. I was reeled back in.

 

boundaries were set and divorce papers have arrived. Had 4 weeks of what I'd hope it would be like. 
 

Today it starts ... saw him txting the ex, asked why? He's offering to mow her garden? I said I thought we weren't doing this anymore, that boundaries had been set? 
 
apparently she's unable to do this by herself? He's 'told her how to do it' like WTF? So she's a complete idiot or again, he's going for a sex visit. 
 

this has started since receiving divorce papers and getting wind she's seeing someone. 
 

help

futurobrillante99's picture

Trust your gut. He cannot be trusted and this will continue the rest of your life with him.

hereiam's picture

He is not the love of your life, you should have left him at the curb.

Time to take out the trash, once again.

Kes's picture

The entire UK has been on lockdown since 2 days ago - he should not be going anywhere to mow anyone's garden.   Cosy tete a tete via texts with his ex are demonstrating to you just how little he values his relationship with you. 

Your last word of your post was "help" but actually I think you know exactly what needs to be done, and up until this narcissist started his hoovering operation on you - you were doing it.  https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2019/02/5-reasons-a-narciss...

jade84's picture

It would appear mowing their grass it's far more an important job that isolating on the priministers request! 
 

I feel such a fool.

 

i was starting to wonder about the narcissistic thing 

Aunt Agatha's picture

If she is so incapable at figuring out a lawnmower - she has options beyond the person you are seeing.

There are neighbor kids, landscaping services, etc. However both the person you are seeing and her clearly are still far too enmeshed and still aren't divorced, papers or not in hand, so the one who stands to lose here is you.  Especially as BF clearly doesn't want to end the contact or he would have ignored this outrageous request.

Only you know what level of disrespect you can put up with.  Early on in our relationship, my fiancé ended up at his ex's chopping wood for the fireplace - for the kids! I shut that down and told him they were divorced, the firewood was for a fun to use fireplace not to heat the house and it was now up to her to figure out her own problems.  

Never happened again. 
 

So yes men can be clueless.  But those who want to be with us make that decision after being shown the error of their ways.  Not continue to be the ex's errand boy.

jade84's picture

That's what I said, have her arms and legs fallen off? Is she so pathetic she 1. She can push a mower 2. Needs a man to do it? 
i think it's a control thing, she asks he jumps.  We had the convo 3 weeks ago after he went to fix her bathroom light. 
He promised to set boundaries which until now he's stuck too- it would seem he cannot let go. 
 

Iamwoman's picture

He isn't just mowing her lawn and fixing her lights. He is most likely cheating.

Let's prétend for arguments sake that he isn't cheating. He is still breaking his promises to you, disrespecting you, etc.

Dump him. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Winterglow's picture

It really is time you left him. He doesn't deserve you. He's separated, on his way to a divorce, he should not care what is going on in her home. She can't mow the grass? So what? Not his problem. Please, scrape up what is left of your self esteem and leave this waste of space high and dry. You deserve so much more than the crumbs he's offering you. 

Goodluck's picture

Sorry.

I would not be able to stay married to a man who thought for 1 second I would hurt his child. Thats awful.

More step children report false claims against ncp and the step parent. It's disgusting.

Worse yet is he is not divorced and your sticking around for this garbage? WHY????

Merry's picture

Nope. You left him over this, reconciled with certain expectations, and he is not honoring his promises to you.  I could never trust him again and therefore couldn't be in a committed relationship. 

TheBrightSide's picture

...until you realize that you are WORTHY of a man who puts you above all.  It seems that you cannot change his behaviour (you've tried).  The only thing you have control over is what you're willing to accept in a relationship.

Don't let fear of being on your own from staying in this relationship.  Word are words....and this dude is pretty good with words.  His actions are what counts.  

Do what you have to do. Either way, we'll all be here for you.

Hugs.

Disneyfan's picture

"So she's a complete idiot or again, he's going for a sex visit."

Soooooo, are we all going to act like we didn't see this little piece of information?????

 

If you suspect the dude is cheating,  why are you with him???  I don't understand focusing on him cutting her grass, when you think he may be screwing her.

Walk away

 

 

youdonotdefineme's picture

Do you think he'd mind if your ex came over to trim your bush.

Dump him.

 

 

jade84's picture

I'm not too sure about the cheating it's doubtful. They have 2 children together so sometimes It's fine when helping the kids.  Partly I think she does it just to test him and is well aware I'll cause issues at home. 
 

I might invite my ex over .... 

strangely enough she managed to mow her own lawn! 

hereiam's picture

Look, you were right to dump him in the first place and should not have taken him back. He is still very much enmeshed with her, whether he is physically cheating or not.

They have 2 children together so sometimes It's fine when helping the kids.

No, it's not necessary, nor is it fine for him to go to her house to help with the kids. Help them with what? You are being blown a bunch of smoke.

Even if she is just testing him, he is failing. Besides, you said that he offered to mow her garden.

You should not have to put your foot down or break up with him to get him to act accordingly. He should already be willing to be done with her and treat you like you are his priority, not her.

I think you are making a big mistake staying with him but everybody has to learn at their own pace, I suppose.

 

 

 

Disneyfan's picture

"I'm not too sure about the cheating it's doubtful. They have 2 children together so sometimes It's doubtful."

WTH???

I read your last blog.  In that one you stated that he goes back to BM whenever he breaks up with you.  Why do you think he's able waltz back into her bed whenever the two of you are on the outs???

BM's bed is always an option for him because he has never fully left it.

He is never going to leave you or her because the both of you allow to to bed hop.

ldvilen's picture

I'm pretty sure the author would be OK with me posting the link to one of her recent posts.  https://www.steptalk.org/forum/parenting/adult-stepchildren/married-6-we...

I'm guessing this will be your life six wees after you marry your guy too.  Only with BM rather than SD.  Your BF and his wife are still married and still acting like they are married.  There should be no surprise there.