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He really does just want to fight

ITB2012's picture

DH is upset with me because I didn't respond to his text messages. He was gone on a business trip and sent me five messages, each one was just a piece of information (like "the plane is almost empty"). I did read them, I didn't think they needed a response. It has been a super busy week. I was getting so ahead and behind myself that I walked away with someone else's grocery cart and didn't realize it until I was six aisles away.  Okay. I apologized. He said it again. I apologized again. I didn't get upset nor did I fall all over myself to effusively apologize. I gave a short but real apology.

He kept going and made some statements about why I didn't respond that assumed thoughts, feelings, and words from me. I swallowed after he said those things and he jumped on that as evidence I thought/felt/would say those things. I stated that I was stopping myself from engaging with him when he puts thoughts in my head, feelings in my heart, and words in my mouth.

Then he started in on an old topic. I calmly said that that's not the topic at hand (and it had zero to do with the present one, it was out of nowhere) and I'm not going to discuss it.

This is exhausting.

P.S. A few other interesting tidbits. In a previous conversation/goad-session to get me to fight that I got sucked into he went a new way with blaming me for the kids ending up at BMs HS, and in his rant he said that everyone was a woman so what chance did he have. This is another one in a long series of vaguely sexist comments he's made over the years. Also, in that blame-game this was a new way that I had screwed it up for him, it could be true, but it doesn't jive with things he said before. And finally he said he is going to see a therapist to talk about the content of the letter he was going to deliver to my therapist.

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hereiam's picture

And finally he said he is going to see a therapist to talk about the content of the letter he was going to deliver to my therapist.

More power to him. He needs therapy, alright.

Steptotheright's picture

Don't you love it when they bring up past events where you have said you were sorry, and they repeatedly bludgeon you over the head with it and put it around your neck like a millstone while you're in a deep-sea? These types of people never forgive.