Hi, I'm new to the forum but I've been checking it out on and off for a few months.

I really don't know who to ask for advice, so this seems like the perfect place with so many people who can relate.

I live with my partner, and his daughter, she is 6 and has lived with us for two years. I've been with him for 3.5 years. Complicated background, BM had her taken away from her due to risk of emotional harm, she was sent to live with us suddenly - I hadn't even met her. People at the time told me to make sure I was ok staying in this situation, and I don't think at the time I quite realised what they meant - now I do. It's such a huge responsibility to take on, and at first my partner said I could be as much or as little involved as I liked with her. I guess what he meant was I could (for example) do all of the school runs, bath times, bed times etc, or none, or whatever I wanted inbetween. As time has gone on, it's clear he wants me to do more (although he doesn't openly pressure me all of the time but I always feel its there like the elephant in the room). At first, I did offer to do a lot of school runs, and tried to be as involved as I could / was apporopriate, but then I fell pregnant and the school runs proved too stressful particularly on days she was throwing tantrums and generally acting up before leaving the house, so I stopped, for my own, and my unborn baby's wellbeing.

Fast forward to now, we have our son who is 1, and I am still suffering with the tail end (or what I hope is the tail end) of postpartum depression. My doctor told me it's likely because so much has happened in what is essentially a short relationship. I tend to agree. Not only all of that, but I think the constant conversation of BM or what is happening with BM doesn't help either (complex situation to explain, but she see's SD periodically as supervised by social care). Also, SD can be sweet, but she can also be a royal pain in the **** and most of those times, I just do not want to deal with her.

At first, I really thought we were on the same page with parenting. We spoke about how important it was not to undermine each other in front of children and to talk in private if we disagree. As time is going on, I know he is also feeling pressure, but I feel he is constantly undermining me, even if only in a small way, huffing about what I may have said, or making out I'm acting irrational when I'm genuinelly not, and snapping at me in front of both of the children. If he ever makes an innocent joke about SD, then I do too, he will tell me (in a seemingly light hearted way) that I am being a meanie. He expects me to take her on like we are one big happy family, yet if I have something to say about her behaviour for example, he will often get defensive. But I think - you want this to be my life, so I am going to be honest with how I feel about things. (Although with time I'm keeping more in and clearly I can't be too honest otherwise I wouldn't be on here!).

We obviously have our child together, but I feel like he almost expects / wants things to be 50/50 with both children, am I wrong in thinking it shouldnt be? We are a family after all, and I guess whether blood or not shouldnt matter, but equally I have really been struggling with the whole becoming a mother to one, but being expected to be a mother to two. I am really conscious that to help get out of this PPD, I need to prioritise myself at times - but I end up resenting the fact that alot of the times when I could be doing that, I'm being asked to pick up from school, or if at home and my son has a nap and then I want to rest or do something to help myself, I have SD vying for attention and I end up pleasing her, then putting myself last so she doesnt feel rejected.

So many people say "you never know what she has been through", or "that's just parenting for you", and those are both true, but I can't help but feel that I have so much pressure on me to deal with this little human being (who for the record I do enjoy spending time with at times as well) when I don't necessarily want it, certainly not all of the time. But recently I also feel myself resenting because of how the whole situation has affected me mentally, and this might sound harsh, but a lot of the time I feel "inconvenienced" by her, for want of a better word.

Of course now I have my son, I wouldnt change that for the world. But sometimes I can't help feeling like it would be better if it was just me and him, then I would remove the stress of two other people from my life, and only have to deal with his dad when making arrangements. I don't want it to come to that. Me and his dad used to have so much fun together, I really thought we would be together forever, but I think the pressure that we have on us is proving too much. I want it to work, but we just cant seem to get on. When SD stays at her grandma's, things feel so much easier, I guess it would anyway having one child less to sort out in the evenings.

The other part of me feels this is probably just a hard patch, and to persevere, as when we come out the other side of it, things will be much clearer. 

I've tried talking to my partner, but he often blames our "issues" on my PPD... it's like he doesnt want to / is not able to admit that anything could be partly down to other reasons.. especially not himself. I've considered relationship counselling to help, but I'm not sure if we will do that or not yet.

Anyway I'm sorry for the long post, I guess I was just looking to offload, and see if anyone has any advice for me in how to deal with the sitation.