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What game is BM playing at?

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

When my bf and BM agreed and laid everything out, my bf and I were under the impression that BM was to sign the papers first since her attorney was the one who was typing up the PSA to then be made into a CO and divorce decree. We were wrong and bf had to sign them first, which he did last Monday. Bf had not heard anything back from his attorney since then so today he connected him asking for an update and his lawyer says he has left several messages with her attorney and has heard nothing back. We are absolutely furious. What game is BM playing at? It is not like it changes her financials whatsoever. Only thing I can think of is it delays the schedule of every other week starting and she wants to spite my bf. Meanwhile on Friday, my bf is supposed to pick up his daughter, which would be the first day there has been any contact since he dropped her off at BM's the day before he signed the papers.

Between that and all of a sudden after trying to emotionally blackmail my bf into continuing a relationship with her older daughter after disestablishing his rights, then all of a sudden never tries again. Really do not understand her game whatsoever.

Comments

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

like move the fuck on and get over yourself. Especially we aren't talking a ten year marriage or anything, we are talking a less than 5 year marriage, but a month away from a 2 year divorce/custody battle, where for almost 2 years BM and my bf had separate bedrooms, etc. There is nothing to hold on to. Plus if you want to add in boot camp and 2 deployments, they spent hardly any time together, but yet BM still tries to be relevant

tog redux's picture

This is how her mind works, and always will - she will never get over herself and move on, not really.  She can't..

Siemprematahari's picture

She's dragging this out for as long as she can knowing that it probably infuriates him and you. It is all about control but don't give her the satisfaction of seeing you annoyed. This woman is sick and needs to get her life and move the h@ll on. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

for 2 years (just 1 month shy). My bf thinks she is just jealous that she knows he is with someone, has been for a while, and that he is happy. Which could definitely be it, but like really move on, it is way past time for her to be caring anything about what her ex is doing unless it negatively impacts their child, but she can't seem to let go.

Plus in the 2 year battle, her lawyer writing the PSA agreement is the first "offensive" move she has made towards getting this done the whole time. Which is why we thought okay cool she will just sign when she gets it and it's done with, but apparently not.

tog redux's picture

And also - once he's officially divorced, he can marry you.  I imagine it feels pretty shitty for someone to divorce you so they can marry someone else who's already in the picture - BUT, too bad, should've been a better wife, then. (Same was true for me and DH, and I'm sure it was hard for BM to know that it wasn't marriage that was an issue for DH, it was marriage to HER.  She told SS that DH was just using me).

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

but at the same time it's not like the second they divorce we are getting married or even engaged! I have told my bf before, I don't want to get engaged or married right after everything is finalized, just isn't what I want even though I know I want to marry him. 

EXACTLY, that's not our fault!! 

My bf bets BM will try and spin that my bf was cheating on her with me before they were separated or anything, but I don't care if she tries when we know and everyone else that matters knows we didn't even meet until months after they were separated and living in different homes.

lieutenant_dad's picture

I'd light a fire under your BF's attorney and tell him he needs to come up with a next step NOW. Whether that's waiting on BM or taking it to trial, you all want it handled YESTERDAY. BM is going to hold out until something makes her make a change. Waiting just gives her what she wants.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

and up until now, the two have communicated quickly and easily, better than any of bf's past attorneys. He said he should hear something by the end of the week.

I am going to talk to bf tonight about if he hasn't heard anything by Friday at noon, then he needs to ask his lawyer about next steps because you're right it should of been done yesterday. The trial was taken off the court's radar, so if it ends up having to get a trial date again, we are talking months and months from this being done. 

I don't understand BM's push to agree and get the PSA written before trial, to just sit there and not sign, other than control, but seriously that is so petty.

lieutenant_dad's picture

You're talking about a woman who KNEW her daughter wasn't your BF's and didn't say a word until she could use it in court to stab a knife into his chest. Your BM is one of the pettiest that I've seen. Thank god she's also dumb.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

comment on how petty she is, etc. because not that I need validation, but when third party people can see the truth her that way too, reassures me I am not just feeling this way because of her past with my bf.

She is extremely dumb lol

lieutenant_dad's picture

This is the scene that plays out in my head:

Imagine that there is an actual, annual GUBM conference in Las Vegas. All the GUBMs gather and provide seminars on how to be the biggest pains while patting each other on the backs for "going it alone" (even though CS paid for their plane ticket and hotel while GBM watches the kid for free and pays for everything).

Your BM goes to a 101 seminar where they hand out the GUBM Playbook. However, your BM is just too lazy to fully read the chapters, so she skims the side bars and first sentencea of each paragraph. Then she spills a Mai Tai on it and the ink runs, but you only get one copy of the book unless you want to buy a second (oh, can't afford that because those lazy exes don't pay double the CS that they should, and she needs to get her nails done). So she just goes "eff it, I understood the basics".

And then she does stupid things that are plays from the playbook, but not full thought out. It's like knowing you need to throw a Hail Mary pass but you throw it to the wrong person. It's kinda there, but not totally. So then she stomps her feet and d**ks about when she loses because it was supposed to be a guaranteed win.

That's how I envision your BM. Too cheap to put in the effort, too dumb to realize she's shooting herself in the foot, and too ditzy to realize where she is screwing up.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

and was very ingenius!

That is a great description though about how I feel about BM, except I would also add in the part where she thinks she is smart or at least smarter than my bf. She is extremely cheap, I mean she admitted to her attorney she can't afford to move so she is banking on her tax return to be able to move states away because her plan of trying to claim a stake in my bf's truck to extort money out of him wasn't working. She also thought she could blackmail him into giving her money by threatening to call his command because she wasn't entitled to any money by him anymore. She tried to blackmail him a lot, but it is all in writing. Then we can't forget the part about her wanting my bf to still be a dad to her older daughter, after disestablishing his rights from her..... so she shoots herself in the foot quite often thinking she has outsmarted my bf and she will still get what she wants because she thinks she is entitled to it.

I have already made my mind up that we cross paths, I am going to have nothing to say to her. Because 1. I would probably go off, which helps no one, 2. she doesn't deserve to even hear what I have to say

tog redux's picture

Ooh, BM here is a professor so she can teach the seminars. But she will miss a lot of classes, annoy her students, and give everyone an A because she's too lazy to actually read the papers they write. 

Siemprematahari's picture

Dealing with people like BM you can't even attempt to try and understand her "crazy". She is petty and one of the worse I've seen on this board. You'd think she'd be over the whole ordeal and want to move on but you'd be surprised how long some people will hold a torch for someone else. 

Hope this all gets done soon, so you all can move on from this chapter in your lives.

 

tog redux's picture

I'd bet that if DH told BM he was leaving me for her, she'd take him back in a minute. I don't think these high conflict women really can move on.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

I can definitely agree with the same with BM in regards to my bf. My bf and I had this conversation that we bet if he was like let's try and work this out that BM would be like "okay." Although he thinks she would only do it to then build a better case for herself then take even more away from him lol. In a way it kind of bothers me, but then at the same time I am very secure in my relationship and know that would never happen and that my bf has no feelings for any other woman especially not BM.

Seven months after they separated and about 2 months into our relationship, BM was texting my bf like you broke up this family, you never loved me, why can't we work this out, etc... and this when the kids were mentioning my name to BM, so we think it was purely trying to break us up and her not being happy he was with someone. My bf texted back, our marriage is over, it's been over, we are getting divorced, etc. because she just wouldn't stop, then after a month of this cycle she fully shut up about it

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

what possible motive or logic there is behidn her decisions. Like I said above, makes me feel good that I am not just feeling BM is so horrible just because of her past with my bf. It's just total bullshit and long overdue of being done.

Thank you, me too!

Winterglow's picture

Is it possible that your bf's attoney isn't getting any response from hers because her attorney no longer works for her and wants nothing more to do with her? 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

he has been her attorney for 2 years on this and this is what used to happen with bf's old attorneys so it is not out of the normal, but it just is for this one because they communicated rather well