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Christmas crap

misSTEP's picture

It's always fun when you find out at 3 p.m. on Xmas Eve that you are going to have double the amount of people you THOUGHT you were going to have when you host Xmas at your place. /s   I can't blame it solely on my SD since her dad didn't bother to tell me what her plans were after he asked her about them. Even though we live 35 miles from their place and only 15 miles from their (psycho) BM, we only see them once a year, if we are lucky.

So, I ended up driving to the nearest town 15 miles away to get some VERY last minute gifts. I volunteered. All the stores and gas stations were closed....except for the truckstop. I find some decent (but way overpriced) presents for SD's family (SD, her DH, SGS & SGD).

I wasn't too concerned about food as I was making things that could be easily made into more and I tend to make more than we need in the first place.

Strike #1: They showed up 35 minutes late. Now, I understand that those types of things happen especially when you have young kids. But my DS and his GF showed up 15 minutes early and they had four times the distance to drive! This kind of ties in with Strike #3.

Strike #2: All they wanted to do was open presents even though they had not brought any themselves. Okay, I am not a believer that you HAVE to give someone a present if they give you one but it sure would have made me/us feel more appreciated to even get a damn $5 tin of popcorn! Only got one "thank you" out of the bunch and that was from the youngest (SGD).

Strike #3: They aren't planning on eating since the food isn't quite done. They have to leave at a particular time which is only 45 minutes away! They have "another Xmas celebration" to go to.

Strike #4: SGS (9) told my DH (his Grandpa) that his "other grandpa" was a lot more fun. He was talking about BM's (just as psycho) dad. His GREAT-grandpa that he sees all the time. This was after my DH was handing the grands $5 bills like they were water.

That's it. I'm done. I absolutely HATE the fact that BM's bull that she pulled over the entire time I've been in DH's life has worked. He barely ever sees his (now adult) kids or two grands. I'm sure that BM would have had a look of evil glee if she heard what the SGS said about his "other" grandpa to my DH. I hate feeling like any visit from them is nothing more than a gift grab. The SGD is so sweet. It's crazy how different she is from her rude brother. I'm wondering if that is because of BM watching him so much when he was younger (SD had him when she was 16).

It would have been so much easier, simpler and less stressful if he would have just walked away. Just paid BM the money that was so important to her and never fought for his (court-ordered) visitation or any other rights with all the parental alienation crap she pulled. Would it have made much of a difference? It definitely would have in our pocket books!

tog redux's picture

Why are you the one driving all over hell's half-acre to get presents for his kids/grandkids, especially when he failed to tell you their plans? That's his job. 

misSTEP's picture

You are 100% correct in that. But I volunteered to do it because I needed to get out of the house (and be able to scream out my frustrations in the car), I am a better gift picker-outer than him and it is my vehicle that was going to be used either way.

But normally, no, I have pretty much completely dropped that rope with those stepkids. It will be 100% now. I will not be cooking for them and I will not be buying presents for them. If he wants to invite them, fine. But that doesn't mean that I have to be social with them.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Mmmmmm....sorry, no. I would NOT have volunteered to do anything for them. However, I WOULD have gotten into my car, driven around, and returned. Empty-handed. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

"Golly DH, everywhere was CLOSED. Nothing open at all! Gotta run, need to finish up dinner!"

Aniki-Moderator's picture


And no way would I have volunteered to stay home while DH went running around. After all, they are HIS kids; not OP's. 

So, sorry, not sorry. Last minute means we get the gift of time together. Period.

Rags's picture

You do not have to fill in for your husband's failures, just vent.   If you need space and alone time, just jump in the car and go for a drive.  No excuse necessary.

Filling in fir his failures makes you a facilitator of his crap.

sandye21's picture

Glad you have decided to stop saving your DH at Christmas with his  kids.  Look upon this as, "lesson learned."  Give yourself a 'Day after Christmas' present of empowerment and liberation.  And give DH back100% responsibility for the skids - as it should be anyway.  If he is a poor gift giver it will be quickly revealed and it will be an advantage to you, but still, let HIM buy their presents with HIS money.  Let him cook and clean up after them,  It will only take one or two gift-grabbing events for them to see it's just not worth the trip.

I liberated myself in 2010.  Every year I count my blessings - and this is one of them.

readingandlearning's picture

Let me get this straight..... they expect presents but don't bring/buy any for anyone. They expect people to spend money on them but they spend none on others. They sound like a bunch of low life bums.

caitlinj's picture

I suggest you let dh spend his money on his kids. He also should be feeding them and cleaning up after them. Not you. Do not be used!