Meddling MiL & Struggling...
My first post on here - surprised to find so many people on here with the same thoughts as me!
I've been with the love of my life now for 19 months, living together for last 11 months. He had split with BM (not amicabilly) just prior due to her being arrested. She is literally an awful person & makes it so hard by meddling any way she can. SS is 7, SD is 3. I have no kids & didnt want any, I like kids but I enjoy my freedom & work FT plus run a small business single handedly (plus the household). So I value what little time i get to myself.
I also suffer from bouts of anxiety, which has not helped in the months since BM found out about us, she tried her best to intimidate me & scare me off for about a year, turning up at my work & home, spreading lies that he wanted her back & many other nasty tactics. But I hung in there. I thought that was the hard bit... but...
We have the kids every 2nd weeknd and a week each holidays, and I am doing it, but do not find it easy & a huge adjustment - as it is my home we are living in, which i had renovated & all new sofas, etc. As you can imagine, it gets turned upside down each time they are here. I also struggle with the noise, as they are not easy children from other's observations & the SS yells all the time. A lot of friends/family who have kids & see them say they could not do what I'm doing.
However, if i voice an opinion about noise or mess, its taken that i dont like the kids & dont want them here, and get the cold treatment, feels like its 3 against one in my own home. Things have got better very slightly since i voiced my thoughts, but its still not ideal. My man thinks a few months have gone by, and thats enough time to be playing happy families now! But we are working our way through things, doesnt help that BM is also trying to clean my partner out financially through their settlement & plays mental games saying she is going to move towns 4 hours away with the kids. Then uses this to manipulate him into paying for everything she can & free firewood & meat (he also pays CS) & holds it over him.
Things were starting to settle down, BUT... now MiL is getting bossier & trying to control things. Befriended me at start & is now trying to boss me like she does her son. Im 38 I find this hard... and she is always at my partner to go for custody & they would sort out a childcare system between them. I told him i could not handle full time wee kids. Well she has started backpedalling a lot lately - my man works long hours & MiL assured him she would pick SS & SD up from school/daycare on those weekends & look after them for him. Suddenly shes busy those days lately & my man has to stop work at 3pm & collect them. MiL made comment today that I can pick kids up & look after them this weekend - i am knackered & said I cant. She said I knew he was a package deal & got all snotty - I am worried they see me as a live in babysitter & will try this more & more. I think its between me & him what we have in place regarding our lives & she is trying to meddle.
What's got me really worried is that we are in process of buying a home together & it will 'lock' me in somewhat if they start this behaviour. My man isnt very understanding about time & women needing a break, and his kids are hard to handle - SS wont listen to me & SD has screaming tantrums that even my man cant handle.
I guess i'm wondering if its ok to say no to babysitting or is it expected? I dont mind the odd time here n there if he asks nicely or I offer, but i feel quite sick thinking this is going to be put onto me regularly... help!