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Beyond frustrated that our hands are tied until after court

ladybug3's picture

Normally when BM has a meltdown name-calling fest with DH we don't see SS for weeks. But today when he texted her about picking him up she said sure. I guess the threat from the magistrate actually got through to her. 

On a side note, DH and I are kind of worried about SS. He's in kindergarten, and we know it's normal for kids that age in public school to get sick often, but he's been sick since at least Oct. 1st (from what BM told us). Nothing major, just a bad cough and occasional nausea, but still. BM dropped him off with three different over-the-counter meds so we're concerned that she isn't taking him to the doctor. Who doesn't have a prescription for a kid who's been sick a month?

The last time she dropped him off sick we never gave him any meds and he was much improved by day two with us. So he may be allergic to something at her house? Either way we can't wait until DH can take him to the doctor and find out why the hell the kid has been taking kids version Dayquil and Nyquil for a whole month. 

Also DH called SS's school last week to see how he's doing. Turns out he's severely behind, and his teacher told DH he needs to get help at home. I guess BM isn't quite the mother of the year that she thought? We sat down with SS to get an idea of where he's at and the poor kid can't count past 12. He can't recognize most colors. It makes me so sad that right now we don't see him enough to really help him. And BM clearly doesn't think it's important. He's a very smart kid, which just makes it more frustrating. 


ndc's picture

You would be amazed at what you can accomplish with a smart kid in a limited amount of time.  My SD4 is in 4K this year, and she was  a bit behind (she might be ahead of your SS - she can count way higher than 12 and knows her colors, but she didn't know how to identify and write most of the letters of the alphabet, and many other kids in her class are significantly ahead of her).  It was apparent that neither DH nor BM had ever worked with her on these things at all, so I started doing it, just for an hour here and there.  SD4 enjoys learning and has made HUGE strides.  Don't let the fact that you don't have him often keep you from trying.

SD4 has also been sick a lot since starting school.  She's had coughs and runny nose multiple times since August, but nothing that either BM or DH thought rose to the level of requiring a doctor visit.  They get exposed to a lot of new germs when they start school.  It's not all that surprising that he doesn't have a prescription for anything.  Pediatricians are so reluctant to prescribe antibiotics these days, and in our experience, they don't prescribe anything for a cold.  We've been told more than once by the pediatrician to just pick up over-the-counter meds.  Has your DH asked BM if she's taken him to a doctor?

In any event, I'm glad your BM took the magistrate's warning seriously and is letting your DH see SS.  I hope court works out well for you.

ladybug3's picture

I'm glad you shared your experience, it's super encouraging. DH and I will definitely be helping whenever we see him, and like I said he's smart so hopefully he picks it up fast. 

DH didn't ask whether BM had taken him to the doctor, but in the past she passed that responsibility to him. She would schedule the appointments and DH would take him. The last time SS got really sick BM's sister took him to the doctor and administered the meds. So DH is going to ask her on Monday, but from past performance the answer will probably be no. 

And thank you!

thinkthrice's picture

these MOTYs who put on this big act but really just hate their ex and the fact that he's moved on more than they love their own child(ren)? (TM)

tog redux's picture

Prepare to be frustrated after court, too - she isn't likely to parent any better once there is a CO. And she can object to him being given medication, etc.

ladybug3's picture

Oh yeah, court will definitely not solve our problems. But at least we can take him to the walk in clinic on the weekends without having to ask permission first. And DH can go to school events and actively be involved with SS's school without needing an invite from BM. 

DH has asked for decision making power regarding medical treatments if they cant come to an agreement, but we'll see what the judge decides.