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Skids (MIA) and exwife still after money and how to hide it from her spouse

shamds's picture

Last night hubby told me he lost it with his kids with ex few weeks ago. He told off ss21.5 how he lacked maturity for someone in university and he needed to do better.

then his eldest child (sd23.5) who had graduated over a year ago and been working her graduate uni job for 9 months now and she and her sister cut off contact with hubby, out of the blue decided to call hubby and ask the house she in living in (which hubby bought after the divorce), Who’s name is it in? She asked this 1.5 yrs ago when she re-initiated contact after 5+ years of disappearing and hubby said it has always been in just hubbys name as he applied for the loan to buy it.

hubby lost it with her because skids have ignored and abandoned him unless they need favours or money, then hubby had a stressful day at work and snapped at sd that he isn’t even dead yet and she and her mum are still trying to steal and grab his assets or property.

apparently exwife (who has abandoned sd23.5), asked sd to contact her dad and remind him they had an agreement after the divorce that home was hers and for her kids to live in. After the divorce she played the poor pity me card well, refused to get a job and be responsible for her kids when there was alimony etc to grab from hubby for free. Hubby felt sorry his kids crammed into a 2 bedroom home with exwifes dad so he bought a home that the kids could reside in with their mum for privacy. Exwife took this to mean that property belongs solely to her and no one else

she actually thinks that home is in her (exwifes name), despite hubby buying it after the divorce and also hubby getting the loan... yeah go figure how a uni graduate still thinks that home was ever in her mums name. Well exwife still believes she is dying from her imaginary illness and wants to make sure she hides her asses from her current hubby and it goes solely to her kids but benefit from her current husband providing for everything . Talk about team player!!

hubby feels thats property he owns so whether he owned or purchased it before marrying me, as we have kids together that our kids are free to inherit anything he owns just like his elder 3

hubby said sd23.5 and her 14.5 yr old sister were crying because ever since they met me and our kids (their half sibling) and told their mum, she basically left them but somehow they still are compelled to follow what their mum and stepdad says and they feel so lonely, they allow and put themselves in that situation and now want to play the poor pity me card. Before that it was we are in contact with our mum (story changes continually)

well hun, you aren’t pleasant to begin with and you aren’t pleasant to be around and continually talk about your mum and stepdad all the time rant about them on meets, i should not be expected to tolerate that. 

Last night me and hubby were discussing plans about buying a home in my country, he said if we can wait another 3-4 years we can get one in the budget and suburb we like with no loan required as i would have graduated university and be working then, but i told him i’m not waiting longer for him to subsidise his adult kids laziness. They should be launching and being financially responsible for themselves and that isn’t happening currently and will they be made to or is hubby gonna be an atm permanently?

he told me about how he snapped at his kids and the girls crying when hubby told them off. So here i am with hubby jointly buying a home in my country (skids can’t touch because its solely in our names) meaning if hubby dies then i become sole owner. His kids already have entitlement to an estate in their country which i said if we bought a home in my country, our kids don’t need to claim anything from their dads country as what we have in my country is just under what his 3 will inherit in their dads estate back in their country, so hubby would need to do a will that any property in australia remains for our kids we have together since i am pumping alot of money to buy too and even hubbys share, well what estate he has in his country matches that if not more so we will be keeping it separate and his will can state that

also i have my parents estate that i am getting and i sure don’t want if something happens to me that skids get it viamy husband so we really need a will where if something happens to me, any assets of mine or that i inherit whilst my kids are minors still remain with my kids but hubby handles the management but ensures its for our kids- this is just tricky 

its just so disgusting to me that the exwife wants to hide assets from her current hubby. She wants assets and money but hide everything from her hubby but enjoy the benefits of marital assets he buys Since she hasn’t worked in 25+ years.

i told hubby when we buy our home a shitstorm will ensue with skids and exwife because our home will be in an amazing suburb and they will play the poor me pity me card from a third world country card

the only reason we can and will be able to afford that home is because its my country where standards of living are higher and salaries are higher too and i’m contriButing to it and thats why we can afford it but exwife and skids won’t see that 

hubby said well its not their business to get involved in marital property we buy and exwife is fuming hubby rose up the corporate ladder since he divorced her because hubbys way of life is luxurious even though he lives well below his means.

so to those with spouses who have vindictive exwives hell bent on screwing them for maximum cs even when they’re kids are adults and grown up, those focussed on hiding assets or cut family members out etc, whats my best way of protecting this financial purchase of our home (skids are foreigners and will never reside in my country) their life is overseas.

i am ok with hubby and me being joint owners but my country automatically says if 1 spouse dies the other owner becomes full owner. Hubby is much older than me so likely would die before , So does this mean we need a will done that if i did die before hubby, that this marital home in my county goes to the kids of our marriage because his kids will already inherit an estate in his country which will will equate to our home in my country. So its a fair split. No way should his 3 kids inherit the share of money i contribute to this home 

hubby also said whilst there is a large age gap between our minor kids and his eldest 3 with ex (2 who are adults) that any property bought in my country hubby feels its easier to just put in my name and avoid the crap with his kids because the money he contributes to our home will be the same amount ir slightly under of all the assets he owns in his country

also i will inherit my dads estate (childhood family home along with my brother), but i intend to buy my brother out of his share, i do not want skids benefiting off this so i just want advice for those who dealt with this previously to protect myself.

i just feel like hubby is getting suckered back into skids shenanigans that there was a miscommunication and they conveniently forgot and hubby right now is making an excuse for us to not buy a home together which there are a few we can get right now and i will be putting a large portion towards from my mothers estate that I inherited from her death several years ago. Buying a home in our country now whilst we are sorting out hubbys visa application means it can only be in my name- hubby said this is ok because the change over fee is so minor anyways to add on a spouse as co-owner later down the track but hubby trusts rhat as we are husband and wife me finishing my studies and working after is to help supoort our household,

the signs are just there skids and exwife tying to oust us of things they believe belong to them and hubby snapped that he isn’t dead and they have ignored him and then contact him just to check if their mum co-owns property she never bought in the first place??


thinkthrice's picture

get an iron clad will to frost those parasites out while their unbridled avariciousness is still fresh in his mind!

personally i have the benefit of not being married to chef and everything is in my name.  my will has everything going to my grown bios however if they choose to have chef continue as tenant, he can stay provided:

1. he pays rent to my bios

2. that his ferals never live with him.

its all in my will and would be in their rental agreement as well.  they are familiar with the behaviour of Chef's ferals, the Gir 'n' clan, and frankly are appalled.

Lollybobs's picture

You can actually put in a will that the ferals can never live there? Nice one! *biggrin*

shamds's picture

From and understood how scary it is he can’t depend on his kids to have our kids basic needs at heart. Hubby even said his kids would never care for him in old age but they sure do want free estates and property transferred to them for security but in hubbys head, he needs to create as fair as possible a level playing field for all his kids and since he can’t will equally between 5 kids because eldest 3 cannot be trusted and the age difference, hubby said he felt it was better transferring stuff to me in meantime. Hence his pension money 100% willed to me because his estate (properties) are the same value. 

Hubby has said if we got a home now that its ok to go solely in my name and if that were the case, i would do a will right after we signed the home contract to cover ourselves.

we have separate bank accts and property car and home loans are solely in my husbands name

shamds's picture

I said if hubby were to pass currently, hubby himself doesn’t trust his kids will do the right thing and ensure their half siblings get the same benefit as them like a full education to highschool. They’d want to grab as much as they can for themselves and let me figure everything out as not their problem

eldest sd reminds her dad to give her money to care for her younger sister who will be an adult in 3.5 yrs indefinitely, she sure cares about that one sibling but not her half siblings because as usual, we aren’t family unless they can benefit from it

Panther1's picture

"hubby himself doesn’t trust his kids will do the right thing and ensure their half siblings get the same benefit as them "

This is not their responsibility to take on.  It is your responsibility to get your children a high school education.

Your young children would get probably some monthly survivor benefits from the government.  That is enough to get them through high school with a working professional mother taking on the rest of the financial responsibility.

shamds's picture

And in most families i know if dad or mum passed away, the elder siblings would ensure their younger siblings get the same education as they did meaning to high school and wouldn’t if there was no will, take the equal portion the courts decided to split and bugger off because they would feel uneasy and guilty that their younger siblings didn’t get the same benefit as them with their mum never working but their stepmum working her arse off to provide for her kids.

eldest sd took on responsibility for her younger sister like its her responsibility as the eldest, but half siblings get a free pass right? Because society says we are strangers and not a real family..

Panther1's picture

you are talking about.  If you husband passes early in life - your little toddlers have you to financially support them and since you are very young yourself everything should be fine.

You seem to have some warped expectation that the oldest 3 kids - should financially support your 2 kids.

That is 100% not a realistic expectation while you are living.  If you were to pass away also, yes they may feel a moral obligation to financially help their 1/2 siblings, but that moral obligation would only be felt if both you hand your hubby passed.

shamds's picture

that their half siblings who cannot take care of themselves and are yet to start school, have not benefited as much as them.

now they and their mum are trying to grab stuff never even theirs for them but hubby blocked them saying he knows his ex’s schemes and won’t fall for it.

i never said skids financially support our kids- you are misreading things. I have simply said they should not be lazy and depending on dad to handout money and property while he is still alive and excluding my kids when their dad is still working and has 2 young minor kids to care for that haven’t started school yet.

even when sd claimed mummy wanted to know and hubby lost it with her, he knew she was being greedy about his estate and trying to get things for them. So it starts with one property, then another then another so that nothing is left for our 2 kids to be financially provided for. 

All i have said is in the event hubby dies, hubby expects his kids who are adults to ensure all theit siblings get the same privilege of basic education as them and that they not greedily bugger off with money but he knows they are controlled by their mum who is obsessed with hubbys property so my husband has made provisions in the meantime.

Panther1's picture

they should not feel any moral or financial obligation to your children. <----------period

You have some weird thought process of fairness.

You keep mentioning that the older 3 should have a sense of fairness to your little ones.  I do not believe that they should have that thought.  You are the parent, you should make up any loss that you feel, not them.

Winterglow's picture

I think that you are both arguing different things here Smile

You think she's expecting her skids to take care of her kids with their own money when her point is that they are likely to make off with her dh's entire estate when he dies and not allow her children their fair share (thus enabling them to get a decent education, etc.) of it.

Panther1's picture

on her part.  I am just trying to understand why?  she is so fearful of this.  She has stated that the 3 kids are supposed to inherit the house in her DH's name.

She stated that she is to inherit his full pension benefits and marital assets.  That is how he is designing things to be fair.

She herself stated that was how he was planning on keeping it fair between the 5 kids and it sounds reasonable to me.  So tell me what I am missing?

shamds's picture

But he’s overwhelmed by the financial demands of his kids 

yesterday he said ss21.5 would graduate uni in mid 2021 and be working by 2022, when i said great, will he be handling the bills of the family home that he will reside in there was silence.

your kid isn’t gonna snap out of it and suddenly be financially responsible if he isn’t forced to

Panther1's picture

He has 5 kids and 2 women to support and try to please.  It is a no-win situation.

shamds's picture

3 kids to be responsible for. He doesn’t support the exwife beyond child support for their youngest who will be an adult in a few years as she remarried right after the divorce 

Panther1's picture

adult children since the beginning of time.

My mom is financially supporting my sister and she is 57.  Parents have a moral obligation to help their adult children, if the adults need help.

tog redux's picture

At 57, unless she is Intellectually Disabled and/or severely mentally ill or physically disabled and unable to function on her own, she should be helping your mother, not the other way around. 

This kind of thinking is how you create dependent adult children who are never pushed to grow up.  It meets the parent's needs and cripples the adult child.

Panther1's picture

her disability checks are not large enough to cover her medical expenses and her housing expenses.

shamds's picture

read the blogs and posts here of bio parents disgusted at their adult childrens behaviour and actually distance themselves from their skids and not cave in to financial manipulation

few months ago one of the posters here mentioned her adult sd i believe in her 40s claiming she had no money to feed her child, she went on a shopping spree for res bull and t-bone steaks and she herself is a bum who has done nothing herself to be financially responsible for her child and intentionally sabotages her life an dmakes no effort because she counts on daddy to be there and pamper her lazy butt.

her father has a moral obligation to make his adult 40 something year old daughter be financially responsible for her own kid...

but look, if you want to be handing out allowances to your 30 year old kid and have him/her live at home with you well into 40s with no intention of launching or being independent because that is your moral and financial obligation as a parent, thats your choice but it isn’t the view of a majority of society who work hard to launch their kids 

Panther1's picture

She feels a moral obligation to help her financially until she dies.

I do not feel that obligation because my mom is still living.

Siemprematahari's picture

I'm glad your H is aware of his oldest kids intentions. Why doesn't he make it clear to all of them that after divorcing their mother he NEVER agreed to give her the house or had her name on it? That it was purchased after the divorce and its solely under his name? He needs to communicate this clearly so they stop bringing this up.

Make sure you create a will covering EVERYTHING that you and H wish and that there are no loop holes that the step kids can try and take advantage of. You have minor children with your H and want to ensure they are taken cared of. His kids are grown and should be more focused on being able to provide for themselves and be self supporting adults.....not sitting in the cut waiting for dad to give them hand outs.

It's absolutely appauling how they go MIA for years but have the nerve to contact him to ask about assets....I'd be tempted to not leave them a d@mn thing.


shamds's picture

Me that this house is for me and my 3 kids.

hubby bought that house and specifically said its so you can live in and have some privacy and not be forced to live in exwifes fathers home because your mum doesn’t want to spend money.

exwife never applied for the loan or signed any paperwork but believes mysteriously and magically she co-owns the home and if she does that she be removed so her current husband can’t claim anything but she will claim everything she can from him..

my husband told them last year their mum never owned the home as the loan is under hubbys name and he always owned it but they keep bringing it up once a year casually like “oh my mum was just wondering if the house is in her name”

hubby excuses their mia behaviour as he remarried and has a new wife and kids and they don’t want to cause problems or be a burden by meeting their dad. I told hubby they needed to stop blaming me. Eldest daughter works a few streets away from hubby, hubby can meet her on her lunch break but in 10 months of work, not once have they caught up whatsoever

Siemprematahari's picture

Someone should "anonymously" contact BM's husband and let him know that she actively tries to hide assets from him. I know its a shady thing to do but if she continues being a thorn in your @ss I'd be tempted to put that thought in his ear.

shamds's picture

I suspect she is headed for a divorce shortly and knows it and figured exhubby is even more richer after the divorce that she can get her affairs in order and grab grab grab.

we aren’t getting involved in her crap and neither would hubby. He wouldn’t be going to help exwife hide shit from her current husband. Mind you this woman just came back last year from a spiritual religious trip to become a born again religious woman but is covertly doing bad things in the name of her kids and none of them question her being a bad person