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How can an ex move on so fast?

discardedanddumped00's picture

How can an ex move on so fast after being in a relationship with someone for several years? My ex discarded me because I disconnected and finally had enough of his kids being disrespectful towards me and had enough of his anger issues/temper and me being pressured to pay for things for his kids. I felt he didn't love me anymore and if he was nice to me that would've been one thing however lately at that time he had been horrible towards me. He ws also a mommas boy and his mother was a constant presence on our lives. It seems he has moved on two months after he discarded me with a woman who lives over 800 miles away that he met online. She is a little older than me and an artist (I hope she has money to fund his kids). They are now facebook offical (he was never facebook official with me all the years we were together). He's also using a profile pic of his(our) cat that I took that he had me send him on his phone awhile ago because he thought it was a great picture that I took. (used to be our cat) until he cut me out of everyones life including the cats..  What type of man does does? What type of man moves on so fast with someone long distance and makes it facebook official when he was not facebook offical with me ever in all the years we were together? And is seirous about someone long distance two months after our break up when we had been together so many years? Does he not need to greive at all? 

georgina29's picture

They are a narcissistic sociopath who never really cared about you and it was all fake. They stay with people to get what they need then suck them dry. Facebook is fake don't pay it any attention. It is not a good reflection a real life. I've spent the whole week catching up with friends from out of town that I haven't seen in years. Not one of us took a photo for Facebook because we were too busy enjoying ourselves. People use Facebook to project things they want people to see.

markwvualum's picture

They will likely live in a fantasy as to why you weren't fit and this person is. This relationship likely consists of expensive weekend visits (which will get old), phone conversations and a click on the mouse at the computer. From a distance this person can't see his messy life, his money problems, his overbearing mother, his invasive weird ex, his temper, his unstable mood swings, and when his kids act like the enittled brats they are. "Oh this person will be so much better than you and with my kids" which is messed up in itself. Your relationship shouldn't only be about your kids first of all because that means you are just going to use other people and not view them on the same level. I'm sure they think this person is great now but give it time and they will act towards them like they did towards you. They don't live in reality. They don't grieve because they don't attach. They replace instead of grieve. This person will experience it too several years(or months) from now. They are incapable of a relationship and just want an occasional bed warmer, doormat and someone to help them out with their kids and bills. That is not a relationship.

momjeans's picture

It sounds as though he was always an emotionally unavailable person - you just didn’t “see” it. But given enough time, you would have.

People that are emotionally unavailable never really have anything to grieve, because they were never truly invested in the first place. Yes, they may have gone through the motions of a relationship, and perhaps even made it feel reciprocal, but it wasn’t.

All that said, take comfort in the fact that he will treat the next person in the same exact manner. You dodged a bullet in him “discarding” you. 

advice.only2's picture

Usually they move on quickly, because they were already in the process of moving. What type of person does this? A$$holes!

Meth Mouth was married two months after her divorce was final, the guy she married was one of three or four she was cheating on DH with. When she divorced her second husband she moved straight in with her dealer, who she had been shacking up with for months prior to filing for divorce.

ExcellenceToolkit's picture

Yep, BM moved out of the marital house and into her and her new boyfriend's apartment with her two young kids. No break at all. The divorce hadn't even been finalized.

markwvualum's picture

What a great example for her kids (sarcasm). Do her kids not wonder who these men are and why they don't stick around?

ExcellenceToolkit's picture

They have attachment issues depression and anxiety from her revolving door of men. She's on her fourth live in boyfriend after 7 years of divorce. And she claims that she's worried about her kids mental health lol.

markwvualum's picture

Be kind

ESMOD's picture

Unfortunately, he was likely mentally and emotionally "out the door" long before the actual expiration date of your relationship.  He wouldn't be the first person to do that.

Also.. a LD relationship actually probably is a lot easier than someone who has to see his messy life on a day in dayout basis.

SeeYouNever's picture

He's FB official because it's long distance and how else can he prove his love other than clicking a button? Don't get hung up on that, it's pathetic he's just sitting on his phone or computer distracting himself and making it public to bother you. 

Kona_California's picture

From what I've seen, it's common for men to move on fast. They aren't able to be alone. Most of them, anyway. If he was a momma's boy then he probably especially needs to be taken care of by a woman. Although it stings, keep focusing on all the reasons you left him. Write a list of them all. And cut him out from your life, such as social media, so you don't have to see all of that. 

MurphysLaw's picture

He most likely had been screwing around on you the entire time.

Once he realized you were no longer useful to him, he had a replacement ready 

The Replacement won't last long either. This is his life, broken relationship after broken relationship.

Count your blessings & seek out a good therapist.

lieutenant_dad's picture

He just wasn't that into you. Or, he was over you for a very long time. It wasn't that he moved on quickly; he just waited too long to leave.

Length of time in a relationship is not a measure of the seriousness of a relationship. Love is not a measure of the seriousness of a relationship. The only way to gauage whether a relationship is serious or not is through actions - working to make sure mutual goals are met, ensuring that your partner is respected, and contributing equally to the partnership financially, emotionally, and physically. 

Your XBF didn't DO much to show he was serious. He said a lot, but never backed it up. Now, it has been 2 months since you broke up and he has moved on to someone else. You have to STOP living in the past with him. You never had a serious relationship. I wouldn't even consider it "good" or "healthy". It just was a thing, and he discarded just like the thing he thought it was.

It's time to stop making new and random accounts and start focusing on moving yourself forward. Stop browsing his Facebook. He isn't coming back, and even if he were, why would you want him?

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Have you tried any of the advice you have been given? Have you started some sort of therapy with a therapist who has experience with helping people through relationships? The first thing you need to do is to quick looking at his social media accounts. Why continue to torture yourself in that way?

To answer one of your questions - I would suspect the reason he moved on so quickly is because he was involved with her on-line while he was still with you in real life.

Get out and do something, quit spending time on-line. Reach out to friends and family and get yourself out of the house. Reconnect with the real world.

 

Valkyrie's picture

He's a douche ..you're not. Honestly hon, focus on you and getting the self-esteem back that he stole from you. You have a lot to give and personally I would be greatful to be rid of him because it means you are one step closer to being with someone who will treat you as you deserve to be treated. 

megansider's picture

Narcissists (covert) move on very quickly because they need supply. My ex moved on two months after our relationship ended with a woman who looks like a man. I guess you can't be too picky when you need your supply right away. After seeing this I feel he did not have real attachment nor attraction to me. It was all about what he got out of it. The odd thing is he doesn't realize how this looks bad that he has kids and he has had two failed serious relationships within the past six years and now is onto the next. That's three people who are going to be around his kids and two are failed relationships. They lack self awareness.

discardedanddumped00's picture

Your ex also had mamas boys syndrome and was engaging in emotional incest with his mother. Good riddance.

markwvualum's picture

Be glad that loser and his weird trashbag family are in your rear view mirror. Anyone who treats you that way and moves on that quickly wasn't worth your time to begin with. The new man woman is in for a rude awakening. 

Rags's picture

He did not move on fast. He started moving on long before he ended it with you.  

You keep rewording your original posts apparently looking for different answers to make yourself feel better about it all.

The only person who can make you feel better is you.  Quit torturing yourself. Quit giving this asshole space in you head.  Get some counseling, engage in your new life adventure in a way that has zero to do with this guy and move on. For your own good.

Just make sure that the next SO you choose is of character, puts you and the relationship first, is not a mama's boy, and stands on his own as a man.  

caitlinj's picture

Then why did he want her to go on trips this summer with his family and why was he still sleeping with her?

Rags's picture

I was not aware that she was still sleeping with him. But... the answers to your questions are easy.  She paid for the vacation and apparently she will still sleep with him though they have broken up..

Many Xs transition through a post break up X's with benefits phase.  It is not unusual.  My XW had a grand plan for us to date and sleep together after our divorce.  I intended to move from Austin to Dallas for Engineering school and to continue as Corporate Agent in running the company I had founded until I graduated.   She was all excited about staying together on weekends or when I was in town for business and "we can even sleep together if you wear a condum" all while gobbling every knob she could consume while we were married.  

My answer to her proposal was "I have been married to you what makes you think I am interested in dating you or sleeping with you?"  I chose to go to Engineering school in Arizona to avoid any chance of running in to her or being tempted so I sold my company to my business partners and moved on.  Nope. Not interested.  I got out of that marriage without spawning with her and did not want to risk a post divorce out of wedlock spawning with that crazy whore.  One 2.5 year experience of a life of adulterous hell with that brown haired, blue eyed, double breasted, knob gobbling matress thrasher was enough.  

Oddly enough it is also not uncommon for people to re-marry an X later in life.  I shudder at the thought of that hell if something were to happen to my incredible bride.  I would move to Antartca and become a snow monk before I would even consider that.

Many people will not completely split the blanket until they have a replacement partner on the hook.  My guess is that he is one of these types.  OP needs to stop all contact and move on or she will continue to be his victim.

IMHO of course.

 

1wonder woman's picture

My SO was married for 20 years and had three kids and he found out his ex-wife had an affair then they both agreed to get a divorce. Two weeks after the divorce papers were granted.... he went on a dating site and then we started to date... I had no idea how newly divorced he was at the time. He was grieving when I met him... trust me he was an emotional mess and I know he was in a very dark place in his life.  He really didn't want the divorce but he was deeply hurt and he was really missing his kids. Just 6 months later he moved into my home and we have been living to together for 4 years now. I know his ex flipped out when she saw him moving on with me so fast... she did not want him but she did not want to see any other woman with him and she hated the thought of her children being with me or even liking me... she was very threatened by me to say the least.

My own father divorced my mother and within 6 months he remarried and is still married to my step mom.  Plus my mother in-law passed away and her husband remarried just 6 months after her death and my step father remarried after my mom passed away just 4 months later.  So where am I going with this?  I think men have a hard time being alone... once they are done they are done... it's NEXT! All of the men I just mentioned each one deeply loved their wives... even my SO really loved his ex-wife once upon a time. I think for some men they hate being alone... so do not think your ex did not love you I am sure he did...  and I am sure he is grieving.... Divorce causes grief just like death...  many men just have no problem moving on... the sooner the better.  They hate being alone!