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15 y/o SD wants to change schools

acgardener's picture

Me and H live on the other side of town from his ex. They have joint physical custody of their 3 kids, but his son decided to live with X full time before I ever met H. My older SD deicided to live with X full time when she was 16 because H wouldn't let her do whatever she wanted without consequences (and her mom does). So now I have one SD (15) left living with us, most of the time. She doesn't like it at her mom's; she says her mom and her siblings are toxic and she doesn't really want to go there anymore (maybe to visit every once in a while, not stay 2 weeks) and she wants to change schools so she'll go to the one that's closer to our house. I think legally she's old enough to decide which parent she wants to live with, but I'm concerned that she might need her mom's permission to change schools (and she would NEVER.) She's already really excited about going to a new school, and I really don't want to see her get her hopes up just to be dissapointed by her mom (AGAIN).Our address is on her driving permit and her paystubs, and she stays with us 75% of the time. Most of the answers I'm finding online address schooling for small children. Has anyone been through this? Please don't tell me we'll have to go through a dirty court process just to get her into the school SHE WANTS to go to! 

ESMOD's picture

Does the current CO specify which home is the primary residence.. and how school choice might be made?  Is there any CS that might be impacted by this one way or the other?

 

acgardener's picture

The current CO specifies that their time will be split between the 2 houses (I think one week here, one week there), but that is not what actually happens. If they want to spend more time at one or the other, H and BM let them and don't go to court over it. They used to stay two weeks here, two weeks there. Now SD16 stays at BMs exclusively. SD15 stays with us most of the time. The primary residence is probably BMs, but I'd have to look at the divorce paperwork again to be sure. 

fedupinwa's picture

Children subject to custody orders are never old enough to decide where they want to live.  Courts will take their wishes into consideration and if the reason are valid (ie it can't be because dad has less rules or it's closer to my bf) the judge will likely grant it,  Without mom's consent you are going to have to go through the dirty court process.  Maybe request mediation with BM if she is against the change.

tog redux's picture

Yep, this is correct.  You will have to go to court and SD may or may not be able to get what she wants. Can you sweeten the deal for BM somehow? Keep paying her CS for SD even if she's living with you?

acgardener's picture

Ok so..my SS is 18 and since they have joint custody of the girls there is no CS. My 16 y/o SD has been living exclusively with her mom for a while now, and my 15 y/o SD has been living mostly with us. Even though the time has not been evenly split between the houses, H and BM have not been to court to change any custody or anything, they just kind of let them stay where they want. But when it comes to real legal stuff, BM is always very hard to get along with. When we renewed SDs passport, she wouldn't even meet H to give her signature. Instead she opted to fill out a consent form, but when she found out she would have to pay a whole SIX DOLLARS to have it notarized she refused, so SD tried to give her the money but she refused that too, because H should have to pay that fee. After she had SD in tears, she finally just paid the notary.

I don't think she'll willingly agree to let SD change schools, because that would mean if SD is staying at her house, she'll have to drive across town to take her to school. Which is exactly what we've been doing for years. I'm totally willing to go to court, I just don't like seeing all the stress it puts on SD, or H. 

tog redux's picture

Can DH offer to pick her up on the school days if that's the biggest barrier?  It's really worth it to avoid court.  Do the math on how much gas money you will spend vs how much you will spend for an attorney.  She will be driving in a year anyway.

fedupinwa's picture

Well you seem pretty clear on where you stand.  Let SD 15 deal with BM, we all know they are the best at wearing a parent down to get what they want.  I hope it works for you!

momjeans's picture

It sounds as though this SD is the only one out of them that has a solid, logical head on her shoulders. For your, DH’s, and her sake - I hope it goes in her favor.