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Sd wants to cook for me.

stepmominhiding's picture

So lately sd has been offering to cook for me. This makes me so nervous! I feel bad. I think it's her offering to nice gestures, but i can't help the thoughts in the back of my head that day she's going to put something in it.  

She's always been manipulative, sneaky, narcissistic, mean n etc. So it's not too far fetched to believe that she WOULD do something like that.  What do i do? I keep telling her "No thanks, I'm not very hungry"

Have yall ever dealt with that?  How do you deal with it? Would you eat the food? 

SusieCue's picture

I'm torn because my oldest SD is 15 and if my DH or I aren't home by 4pm from work or running errands she will call us repeatedly asking when we will be home to cook dinner, as if she cannot make a sandwich, etc by herself. So if she offered to cook ANYTHING I'd be amazed. Would I eat it, though? Not a chance. She still has to be reminded to wash her hands after using the bathroom. Yuck. Plus, she is also very sneaky and manipulative so I don't trust her. 

I'd just tell her to practice cooking for herself. I wouldn't eat it.

stepmominhiding's picture

Oh, she knows HOW to cook.  Ive taught all of the kids when they turned 13 to cook SOMETHING.  It may not always turn out 100%, but i am a firm believer in learning life skills BEFORE you move out.  I don't mind if she's cooking for everyone.  But if she says "SM, can i make you lunch?" My answer has always been, "no thank you sweety, I'm not hungry right now."

susanm's picture

My SD is thankfully moved out and I do not expect to see her any time soon but when she was living with us there was not a chance in h@ll I would have eaten anything she made just for me to consume.  That girl hated me with the fire of 1000 suns.  There was a period of time that she was into recipes online for some reason and she would make snacks for movies and things that she and her father would also eat.  That was one thing.  But if she ever were to bring something to me and say "Susan, I made this for you to eat" and no one else was sharing it I would have made any excuse possible to avoid putting it in my mouth.

stepmominhiding's picture

That's about where i am.  I know sd doesn't like me.  I think i put up a really good front and treat her respectfully and always tell her to let me know if she's not being treated fairly.  And if someone is mistreating her i correct it right awayn because i want my children to learn that we're treat EVERYONE with kindness and  respect, whether they deserve it or not.  Not to be confused with meekness. They will stand up for themselves, but will not be mean.  They know how to say "you are not treating me kind, and i will not engage in this with you" and walk away. Don't get me wrong n I've had top correct my children with the way they've treated her. They aren't perfect, but they KNOW how to be kind and still get their point across. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Food sanitation is very important to me, and I also believe in listening to your gut. So unless you prepare a meal together or as a family, no way would I eat her cooking. Even then, I'd probably make her eat it first.

Step life has made me jaded. Can you tell?

Lollybobs's picture

Ok, so maybe she is trying to offer a nice gesture. Just to be on the safe side though, why don't you sit with her while she makes it  and chat... so you can see exactly what goes into it and remind on hygiene points if necessary.

stepmominhiding's picture

Right, i can try that.  But I'm worried that she'll ask me to grab something and then she'll spit in it, or put a booger in it or dump salt in it, etc

Kona_California's picture

I would give the benefit of the doub and express how much that means to you. Then I would say how you would love to cook together and maybe it could actually be a bonding experience. Also you can monitor what goes in it haha. 

Rags's picture

Let her cook.  Just make sure it is under the hairy eyeball of your direct supervision and that she eats her serving first.  A serving that you dish up.

Sandybeaches's picture

I understand I feel the same way.  Anytime I am given candy or anything as a gift from SD or SS I never eat it.  I am always afraid they or more than likely BM has put something in it.  

If I were you if I ever ate anything I would be sure that I only ate things that were buffet style and that everyone including DH and SD ate it too.  I would never let her serve you a plate of anything!!