Young stepmom - can I accept his past?
I am 23 years old. My boyfriend is 15 years older than me and has three boys. Three, six, and eight years old. We have been dating for 2 1/2 years. We entered a parenting evaluation together while he fought for custody of his kids from his bipolar ex. Upon realizing that we cannot afford to fight for full custody, we now have every other weekend and the kids who live mainly with their mother. She's a very destructive Presence in our life. We have little to no contact with her. All of our exchanges take place at schools are day cares, I made sure of this via lawyers and parenting plan. Our situation with the ex has become very low conflict, I have not seen her in over a year.
My issue is that I faced lots of jealousy and resentment for his past and the fact that he has been married and had so many children with another person, let alone a person who is such low caliber of a human being and treats her children so poorly. I am trying to figure out if I can except his past. He can sense my anger and resentment, it's starting to hurt him and our relationship.
I feel jealous because I worry that if we were to have our own kids, which is very important to me, that it would not be a special because he has had those experiences so many times. I also worry about our age gap and how that would affect children and me later in life. What do you all think? Can anyone offer advice as to what I should do? I love him so much and he treats me very well. We have a wonderful life together and I do not want to let it go, but I am in lots of pain and I worry very much about the future and my own experiences as a mother some day.