Annoying SS4

gossipprincess's picture

So my Husband has 2 kids from previous relationships but the 4 year old is the WORST! He literally craves attention so much to the point that if you're watching tv he stands in front of the tv. He talks back to his dad and tells him what he's not going to do. You have to repeat everything to him a million times. Recently husband and I had a new baby...i can't even leave baby with husband when step son is around because SS will wedge himself between husband and baby and has to put his hands on the baby when dad is holding. SS talks like a baby, he won't open his mouth and use his words. If he sees you with something he wants he has to tell you "i like apples too" instead of just asking you for what it is he wants. He's literally the most annoying child I've ever encountered. HELP! What do i do? I don't want to feel like this about a child but sometimes i wish i didn't have to deal with him.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

He sounds like a typical 4 year old who is feeling displaced by a new sibling. Encourage your DH to set boundaries for his attitude, before he gets older.  Also, I would encourage your DH to spend some one on one time with him.  If the kids behavior bothers you so much, then disengage and let your DH handle him.

tog redux's picture

Yeah, where is DH's parenting here? 4-year-olds can be tough. Why isn't DH correcting him when he does annoying things?

gossipprincess's picture

I wasn't sure if this was normal 4 year old behavior mainly because I was never around kids until him. He came into my life at the age of 2 and he was a sweet kid then. DH is afraid that SS "won't like him" and doesn't think that any of this matters until he's 10 even though I've tried to explain how important this age is. BM treats SS like a baby...when I was pregnant he punched me in my stomach BM witnessed this and picked him up as he cried and made him apologize. He's just a really sneaky little kid and a lot of times DH has disengaged for fear that SS won't like him.

tog redux's picture

This is a HUGE red flag. DH is more concerned about his kid "liking him" than about creating a functioning human being.  This is horrible, selfish parenting and imagine what a monster this kid will be at 14. Why does he think that somehow you don't have to parent until a child is 10?!

At least BM made him apologize. DH would have probably been worried he wouldn't "like him" if he did that. It makes me a bit sick to my stomach that your DH is not aware of how he's harming his kid with this attitude.

Winterglow's picture

Do you think he'd be willing to go to parenting classes? Or at least read a book or two on the subject? 

Being afraid his son won't like him makes your dh essentially a non-parent. 

tog redux's picture

Yeah, he's not even an older sibling to the kid, he's like a 4-year-old pal. Sheesh, I disciplined my nieces more than he's willing to discipline his own kid.

fedupinwa's picture

A 4 year old is highly malable.  This is the time to parent him, show him what behaviors are acceptable and what ones aren't.  If no one is correcting the behavior he can't know that it is unacceptable.  If he is talking like a baby, tell him so, say you are not a baby anymore, big boys talk like this.  If he won't open his mouth to say words, tell him so:  I am not responding until you say what you want.  If you want an apple, ask for one.  You get the gist.  The 4 year old is seeing the baby getting attention and doing everything he can to let the two of you know he needs attention too.  Read a book with him, play a game or a puzzle, take a walk.  Most 4 year olds act like this, your baby likely will too.  You've got this!

Harry's picture

Unless you corerect his behavior now. It's never going to get better. You are setting yourself for a life of this. Tell him not to stand in front of the tv.  Or he gets time out.  To show control.   It's easier to correct these little things now.  Or the I know your a pain but your not a window .  

End7r's picture

This is like my SD5.  Talks and acts about 3 years old and has to constantly be the center of attention.  I refuse to acknowledge her when she's being like that.  It's obnoxious.  

Rags's picture

At 4yo my SS would hold complete conversations.  Until he came back from SpermLand visitation.  Then it was anything but a conversation.  Pointing, grunting, flopping in the floor pitching tantrums, etc.... We just told him to use his words and ignored him until he did.  If he was in the way we moved him out of the way.  If he wouldn't ask for what he wanted, he didn't get anything.

We were clear with him.  He knew the rules before he left on visitation so he knew them when he got back and immediately had to follow them.

Keep it simple.

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

I feel like most people are annoyed by a child who's not blood trying to wedge in on a brand new baby.

You obviously don't like the way that SS acts and don't want his behavior to rub off on your own child. It's natural.

My plan for that had always been to forge a strong bond with my own child, and when she's old enough to understand, let her know that her half sibling was a peice of garbage as far as her behavior was concerned, and teach her about dignity, and how her half sibling had none.