Stepdad with Stepdaughter Problems
So, I've been with my wife as a couple for almost 6 years, we've lived together and been married around 3 1/2 years. So, I've been in my stepdaughter's life since she was 7. She is now 13. I see a ton of women on here with problems with their husbands' daughters, but what about men who's wives' daughter is a problem? I feel like I got a year and a half maybe two years of what seemed to be a sweet young lady, but since she was about 9 or around 10 she has progressively become more of the attitudinal, over dramatic pre-teen teenager. (Sidenote:I have no boilogical children of my own and they are never going to be an option in my marriage.) She's rude and disrespectful towards me and her mother, but 90% of the time when I try to correct her it turns into an all out screaming match, it seems, and then I wind up getting scolded by her mother, usually in front of our daughter(this infuriates me). I often feel that as a step parent i have absolutely no control in the house that i work hard to pay for and work hard at upkeeping. It really does depress me quite often that I always seem to be turned into the bad guy in my own house all of the time and there is no where to go and nobody to talk to about it.
No advice but...
Speaking as a stepdaughter to a really good stepdad he went thru absolute he'll with me in my preteen to teenage years...hes been in my life since I was seven (my dad died when I was six) and I'm 31 now and im his "favorite daughter" teen girls go through this terrible business when they hate most authority figures and it doesn't mattet how much they love us and give us for whatever reason its not enough cuz youre not our real dad lol its silly and I wish I understood why I was so angry at him all the time but all i can say is it gets better and she will grow out of it hopefully with more understanding with your position
You should check the step dad den board. Some men post there,
but, as you may or may not know, SD is only a symptom of the problem. Your WIFE IS YOUR PROBLEM. She has taught SD that the two of you are not a "team" who have each other's backs. SD knows this, because she's seen it in action and can prompt it and play it to the hilt. Your wife most likely suffers from "divorced mommy guilt" for breaking up the family, so she will go to her grave advocating for her child, so as not to allow her to suffer anymore injustices.
You're wise not to add more kids to the mix!
You are giving way more than you are getting.
Dr. Henry Cloud has a series of books on "boundaries" for both marriages and children. I would suggest trying to start there, but if your wife isn't on board, it may be futile.
Several women have recently posted they are in a similar situation with their SO's or DH's "kids."
Maybe we need to set up a dating section here! LOL Of course I'm kidding.
You have very little baggage, and your wife is magnifying things, and she alone is the problem. She is teaching her daughter (enabling) how to manipulate the situation. If things stay like they are, this is a recipe for disaster, and the road leading straight to divorce court is being paved.
I have a stepdad. He married
I have a stepdad. He married my mom when I was 14. We had zero problems because my mom would have taken everything I held dear had I ever dared to disrespect him. Your wife is failing as a parent and a spouse.