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Accused of ghosting because I left after my partner went off on me

pwoodlson's picture

I was accused of ghosting by my partner because I left and ignored phone calls for several hours after she went off on me. She went off on me because I pointed out that SS (8) was lying about having a fever, faking sick and being mean to the family pet. She got in my face yelled at me and told me I could leave if I didnt like it so I did. Then she accused me of ghosting her and being passive agressive because I refused to answer her phone calls for several hours after she told me to leave. I did not want her yelling at me and never admitting to fault which she usually does. The only reason I left was because not only was she defending SS's behavior but she was also being horrible towards me. Yet now I am the bad one for leaving and disengaging. What the heck is going on here?

Jcksjj's picture

It's about context. Theres a difference between leaving because you cant win the fight or just dont care about the person's feelings and leaving because you refuse to further engage with someone who wont discuss the issue in an adult manner. And she actually told you to leave.

What's going on is shes being manipulative because you dared to imply her baby isnt perfect and she doesnt want to deal with it. My DH does this sometimes - getting mad at me for being upset for things that I have every right to be because he doesnt want to deal with the problem (usually either SD or MIL).

Rags's picture

And you stay in this toxic situation why?  Daddy gets his fee fees hurt because both his mother and spawn are not perfect.


Steptalker2's picture

Well if you refused to answer her call for hours I can understand why she would be upset. But if she told you to leave she shouldn’t be upset that you did leave. She’s playing mindgames with you. Leave but don’t cut me off.

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

This story seems very familiar.

Yeah, leave.

Don't make the mistake of impregnating her.

Kid-free adults are a hot commodity, and you can do better than a person who prioritizes the vanity and misbehavior of a minor over you.

BethAnne's picture

What is giong on here is that you two are not good at commmunicating with each other in healthy and productive ways. You either need to both acknoledge this and actively work on better communication or accept that this is the way things will be or end the relationship.

caitlinj's picture

You are completely ignoring the fact that by telling your spouse to leave over something like that is not only extremely immature absolutely emotionally abusive. But sure chalk it up to "poor communication". Both of them are not the problem btw. The parent who not only ignored his child's bad behavior, but defended it, and told their spouse to leave for bringing it up is the one with the problem, not both of them.

BethAnne's picture

At the end of the day it does not matter who is to blame, this is the way that communication works with the two of them. The OP either puts up with it, gets agreement to try to work on it or walks. Throwing blame around or claiming innocence does not help anyone. 

Jcksjj's picture

Wrong. Very wrong. In abusive situations its critical that the victim knows they are not at fault. I'm not going to take the time to layout the whole process in detail, but the abuser takes advantage of the type of thinking you're encouraging (which is true in a normal situation) and has the victim brainwashed into thinking they're in the wrong when they're not. 

BethAnne's picture

Fair enough. I did not realise this was an abusive realtionship. This post in isolation just sounds like two petty people. I have not read this posters back story. If this is an abusive realtionship then you are right, there is no fixing the abuser and leaving is absolutely the right thing. 

Livingoutloud's picture

The backstory is that she actually a woman dating a man who treats her bad and expects her to financially support him and the kids. She has her own place but comes to his house to clean cook and pay for things. The other backstory is that they are actually married but she is still a woman. In this story he is a man and his wife kicked him out.

there are many backstories with this poster. He/she doesn’t usually come back to comment on various scenarios he/she is posting. 

 I think it would make more sense to at least make multiple accounts instead of posting all kind of different scenarios all under the same screen name  

maybe this sites moderator could advice something 


markwvualum's picture

Do not stay with someone who does not acknowledge their child misbehaving and tells you to leave when you point it out. You deserve better.

JanRebecca's picture

This is exactly how my hubby's ex treated him.. still tries too but he doesn't fall for the manipulation like he used too. 


Siemprematahari's picture

This type of behavior and lack of communication should show you pretty much what to expect if you continue in this relationship....

You won't be able to speak to her about ANYTHING pertaining her kid and if you do she'll kick you out, tell you leave, and get upset if you don't want to pick up her calls like a true psycho.

caitlinj's picture

Bingo! Anytime you bring anything up she doesn’t like pertaining to her or her child she will get angry and tell you to leave then turn it around on you when you do leave and refuse to pick up her calls. She’s got serious psychological issues with that type of manipulative behavior and her kids will too! Run from that mess and don’t look back unless you want to be abused by her and her spawn.

Rags's picture

What is going on here?  What is going in is your freedom and moving on from this toxic and tragically insufficient woman who is far from being your equity life partner.

She is gaslighting you and blaming her failed parenting and the shitty behavior of her prior relationship breeding experiment on you rather than admitting the facts you so clearly put in front of her.

You can't fix her or her toxic crotch nugget so don't even try. 

Enjoy your life and leave them to their toxic partnership.

Good luck.

markwvualum's picture

Your partner's child is manipulative which will only get worse as they child gets older. Your partner is emotionally abusive. Telling you to leave and raging over something like that is abusive. Leave and do not look back. 

MissJulsie's picture

I have had a gutful of reading stories about horrible children being mean to family pets. And to all you original posters who list this amongst all your skids behaviours..... DO SOMETHING !!!!! Take the pet to a rescue shelter immediately !!!!

Iamwoman's picture

Listen to the advice here.

Let me give you some anecdotal evidence:

DD16’s father (HCBD) and his wife would often give her two choices. For example, when she refused to go to a movie with them, they gave her the choice of either going to the movie with them, or packing her suitcase and calling for me to come pick her up. Of course she chose the latter. HCBD and his wife proceeded to become angry with her for her choice. This actually happened multiple times throughout the years. Give choices. Choice made. DD punished for choosing one of two given options. 

GAL told HCBD and SM to knock it off several times over. Did they? No, or course not. Abusers never think they are abusive, but in fact usually cry victim status. One time, DD wore a video watch and caught their abuse on tape (same scenario: choices given, one choice taken, abuse ensues). That was the beginning of permanent supervised visits for HCBD. He has since apologized for the abuse, not that it fixes anything... but SM has not, and probably will never apologize for being abusive.

The point I’m trying to make is this:

If a court ordered GAL determines that being given options and then being punished for choosing one of those given options is harmful and inappropriate, then it is probably far more than just harmful and inappropriate, because in most cases, GALs fail to protect children.

Thus, this type of behavior from your SO is more than just harmful and inappropriate. Rest assured, what she is doing to you right now is classic, clear cut, mental and emotional abuse. 

Livingoutloud's picture

I find it curious that you were previously posting as a female dating a guy with kids who lives an hour away. Then that you are a married couple, he is a man. Now all of a sudden you are saying your partner is a woman. 

You are posting so many contradicting stories under the same screen name. But could you at least keep the gender consistent?