A little history: My oldest bonus daughter will be 12 in a couple of weeks. Her father and I started dating just before she turned 3 years old. We separated just over two years ago. Their biological mother has never been involved in their lives much at all. All 3 of my bonus babies came to live with me about 2 months ago. After ending our relationship, I learned what it meant to be narcicistic and truly manipulative. Her father are those things through and through. Litterally the definition of a narcicist. We'll refer to the oldest bonus baby as "T". Anyway, I noticed similar behavior from T from very early on. I overheard her playing with the other kids. She asked one for the toy he was playing with. He said no. Her response was, "if you don't give it to me, I'm going to tell my daddy that you took it from me." She didn't get her way and followed up with her Daddy, just as she had promised. This was at 3 years old!
Now: they are living with me and Dad is accross the country. I am working REALLY REALLY hard to help them overcome the abuse and mental corruption they have endured. For the most part all of the kids get along pretty well. My other two bonus babies are very happy with living with me. They have expressed their appreciation for the stability and affection that I show them daily. Now to T...in one moment she will give me a big hug and say, "you're the best mom ever. I love you so much". In the very next moment (almost ALWAYS after being told no, not getting her way, or being called out for her behavior being wrong) she says, " I hate you, why are you forcing me to be here, you don't love me. " etc. Pretty much anything hateful she can think of. She regularly talks about how she hates herself, hates her life and hates everything.
Look, I'm not saying that I am a perfect mom and that I have always done everything the right way. I AM saying that since they have been with me since June, I have done everything I can think of to help them overcome and adjust. I have been VERY compassionate and understanding. I do not blame her for her emotions, I blame the life she has lived and her fathers behavior as an example. T is VERY manipulative.
I am at a loss. I am tired of being hurt daily when I have given this girl love for 9 years.
ANY advise will be appreciated!