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Family cut us out.

Alicetwo's picture

My in laws have cut my husband and I and our daughter from family celebrations. I am devasted. My husband is divorced from his ex wife as she had affair. (Long story short) he has 3 kids from previous marriage and we had trouble from the start of our relationship as they and his ex wife didn’t like him meeting me. We then had our daughter and the step kids became very jealous. Especially the eldest daughter. Her and the ex wife did everything they could to split family and in the end we had no relationship with all step kids because it became so toxic that effected our daughter. Then his family decided to believe lies they told and cut us out. Not one of them discussed what they were told by them and just took sides. We only found out my in law family had issues when we didn’t get invited to wedding, christenings and birthdays etc. We have now rekindled relationship with step kids and are very close. Now in-laws are somewhat annoyed by step kids for seeing us. Step kids want to have gathering with all family and asked us to make up with in-laws but I don’t want to. They said my daughter came along last and that’s why they chose to cut us. I think my husband was there before all of his kids and it’s a ridiculous argument. 

Comments

ybarra357's picture

Gee, sounds like they did you a huge favor.  Be glad you don’t have to be around these vile people. 

NotSoStepStepmom's picture

I agree with the first comment. It’s a blessing. I would never want to be involved with people like that.

We have nothing to do with DH’s crazy relatives, and if that were to ever change, our marriage would end THAT VERY SAME DAY.

ndc's picture

What a strange family your husband has. How old are these stepkids?  Did every single member of your husband's family cut you off, or just some?  Are these skids who are so anxious to have gatherings of the whole family willing to tell the family they lied about you?

NotURMomma's picture

Are you going to have more children, OP? The skids very well may flip-flop and go back their mother.

I was an Only and it sucked once I was an adult.

notarelative's picture

How old are the skids? If they are adults, they are free to invite whoever they want to whatever they choose. Then both you and in-laws are free to decide whether to attend or not.

As to you making up with in laws, if the in-laws cut you off it’s their responsibility to initiate contact. (my opinion)

 

Jcksjj's picture

Congrats. Seriously. I wish my inlaws would cut us off because DH will never have the balls to do it like his sister did. The problem is them, not you. Dont be sad or offended.

Want2's picture

Since you’re talking with the skids and not the in-laws right now I assume you’re hearing all these comments from the skids who are now talking smack about the in-laws. So the unhealthy dynamic remains except the skids have switched sides.

 If I was you I’d stop engaging in this. Just no more gossip about what the in-laws say. If they have something to tell you they can contact you. Find something better to do with your rekindled relationships.

Nette5's picture

And I thought it was because the skids had also cut contact with us at the same time. We reunited with SS23 about 10 months ago & things have been good. Well, SGD3's birthday rolled around. The in-laws were invited & so were we. Our focus was SGD3 because she adores us.

Turns out we weren't missing a thing in regards to the in-laws, my MIL actually ignored me & turned away when I tried talking to her. The only words she spoke to her son: it was good seeing you... as they were leaving. My BS16 who is also their youngest grandchild? She ignored him & my FIL said about 2 things to my BS16, then ignored him the rest of the night.

Now I feel no remorse in not talking to MIL & FIL ever again. We're here to be part of SGD3's & her parents lives because they want us in their lives & we want them in ours. 

Steptalker2's picture

Its ok for in laws not to see you too much. If they choose to bring excitement into their lives by inviting only their grandkids that’s fine. Live your life, enjoy your family. In laws can be a part of it when YOU invite them. I choose to see my in laws only during major holidays. Other than that they are not a part of my life. They are good people. I just don’t wish to see them very much.

shamds's picture

Your daughter came last and from a 2nd marriage so thats why we cut you off??

they are all still hubbys biological kids and not one of them is more superior to the other because they are older or from a different social class

ESMOD's picture

I don't know... at this point, it's one of two things here.

1.  There were either bigger things brewing between your SO and his family over a longer period of time...

or

2.  His family are horrible people that you wouldn't want to associate with anyway.

either way.. I don't tend to be upset to be left out of all those family OBLIGATIONS... so.. no buying presents and sitting through boring ceremonies.  Make your own family more prominent in your life.. or get a circle of friends to be like family.

still learning's picture

1.  There were either bigger things brewing between your SO and his family over a longer period of time...

This is probably it. All families have ongoing history and dramas that were in place long before someone gets married or divorced.  The fact that DH puts his tail between his legs and lets his children, ex wife and IL's run his life is pretty telling.  

Goodluck's picture

I would have cut them off a long time ago. They do not sound healthy OR generally nice.

Honestly I don't know how some people stand it:  Chas, ill fillings, bantering, on-upping each other, fighting at the holidays, stabbing each other in the back...all the while BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER, WE are family and WE stick together no matter what, Family is family no matter what.

Blood may be thicker than water but you can choke on your blood too.

 

 

 

thinkthrice's picture

only come around when they want something for nothing. 

Alicetwo's picture

Thank you everybody for making me feel I’m not going mad. The step kids are in their 30’s and it’s really only one SD that has caused issues from the beginning. Her siblings were just being loyal I suppose. The ex wife would never admit to her own family that she had the affair that resulted in split. My husbands family know truth however for some unknown reason all of them decided to one day drop us from the family. We have heard rumours over the years that they were told we caused arguments at a wedding which is totally untrue. Absolutely untrue. I have heard that my name was brought into this also even though I wasn’t in my SD company on the day. We were never told of any issues so could never defend ourselves and the truth. So it snowballed to each member of the family to simply gang up on us. It was so cruel and sometimes I wanted to confront them but decided that I would maintain dignity as believe if they decided on heresay (and it is heresay until spoke directly to us), that it was so disrespectful and cruel that they were not worth it. I believe they should have each confronted us and listen to truth and then decide to either cut all of us out until issues sorted. Instead we were just told the step kids were there first which is ridiculous as my husband was there first. At one point I did say to a more friendly relative who explained the ‘being there first’ excuse that if we got back relationship with step kids did that mean if there was another fall out we would be cut again. I also said to him as he is divorced with 1 kid from previous marriage and 1 kid with new wife, if one of his kids were less important to the family and us. He didn’t know what to say. I don’t think I will be able to ever reconcile this but am happy if husband wants to see his brother. Without me of my daughter