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Kind of want to just tell MIL to F off

Jcksjj's picture

So DH and I got in a fight because he wants an axe throwing board in a garage and when he asked what I thought about it I said I didnt think that was a great idea. Because our garage has too much stuff in it to get broken and it doesnt meet the safety requirements suggested for that type of thing. So anyway DH right away starts pouting that I never let him do what he wants (bullsh*t) and that he has no say about his own house (nvm that my response to the majority of his suggestions is I dont care). Skipping all the details of that stupid fight, towards the end he made a comment about me "running away" from his mom when shes here. At first I was confused what he was talking about and then figured he must have been talking about last time she was here that I took my time coming out to greet her since she showed up early. 

Well thinking about it more now after, that's totally a comment he used to make to BM to make her feel insecure.

Now do you think I want a relationship with his mom? No. Do I care about fostering a good relationship with her for the kids? Also no. She treats them like crap and I try to limit contact with her as much as possible. The ONLY reason I put up with her at all and maintain a polite but distant stance with her is for DH. So if hes going to attempt to cut me down with that I kind of want to just let MIL have it next time shes here and makes a stupid comment. Or just call her out which is guaranteed to lead to a huge blowout. DH and his self centered little pr*ck self can pick up the pieces.

Comments

Jcksjj's picture

Yeah that's actually what I told him that led to that comment. It wasnt even meant as a mean comment, it was "hey you hate dealing with your mom and you're treating me how she treats you." 

 

NotSoStepStepmom's picture

Yesss! I wouldn’t hesitate to call her out on her crap! Just because you are married to her son does not give her any right to make stupid comments or mistreat you or your children.

I hate my DH’s mother and grandmother passionately... the mother is a severe alcoholic who has done nothing but cause problems and damage to my DH and our marriage. The foul things that she has said and texted to me are unforgivable. The grandmother is a bitter b*tch full of spite and hatred. She always used to make stupid comments and I smiled politely and bit my tongue. NEVER AGAIN. My DH cut them out of our lives over three years ago and it has been an amazing change! They don’t have our address or phone numbers and we deleted all social media. It’s awesome being unreachable to idiots.

Jcksjj's picture

Oh how I wish DH would consider cutting her off. I think he has reduced contact again somewhat but he cant even tell her no ever to visiting because hes afraid of her hysteria. I was talking to my brothers fiance about some of the things MIL has said/done and she asked how close DH was to cutting her off - I said I dont ever see that happening.

NotSoStepStepmom's picture

It’s really sad to say, but it really came down to our marriage or his toxic relationship with his parents. My DH used to screw up quite a bit in life. It took a lot for him to grow up and make positive changes. They didn’t like that. They wanted him to smoke and drink and get into trouble. They wanted him to NEED them. Once he got with me and started doing so much better, started to get his life together, started to make his own decisions without their input... all Hell broke loose. I’m sorry you have to deal with your shitty in-laws. Just don’t ever allow them to think that they can disrespect you. If your DH won’t stand up to them, you should.

Steptalker2's picture

Yes he used MIL to make you feel bad. He’s a man child. He doesn’t realize he has projected his frustrations on his mom and has essentially turned all his significant others against his mom and she has nothing to do with it. And you ate it up. Be glad he’s doing it to his mom and not you.

Jcksjj's picture

No, no. His mom is awful on her own and theres plenty of history with that having nothing to do with him. She hates any SO he has because its stealing her baby boy (also hates his sisters SOs) and as far as I can see, shes unpleasant to others in general.  She also hates my ODS because hes not a bio and thinks our younger 2 boys are nuisances because they "take away SDs attention." Not exactly a kind woman.

susanm's picture

So you reasonably said that setting up the garage as an area for throwing bladed weapons is a bad idea and he turned it into a fight about his mother to vent his spleen about not getting his ridiculous teenage fantasy?   Don't take the bait.  It will only make things worse because you will have two problems.  A pouting husband who doesn't get to throw axes in his garage (poor baby!) and open hostility with your MIL.  One thing at a time.  If you actually have things to work out with MIL then do it when the time is right.  Not in response to your H being an idiot.

As far as the axe throwing, tell him no problem.  You will set up a crossbow range right across from it for yourself and call your insurance agent to take out mirror life insurance policies on each other.  One of you will make out quite well.  Smile

Jcksjj's picture

Well I actually told him he was acting just like his mom, using the same tactics as her to fight. And then he made the comment about hiding from her, which didnt really make sense because that's never happened, usually when shes being rude I just stare at her or ignore her. His ex used to run off crying when MIL was mean to her, so the comment he made was just him searching for something to get at me and he came up with that because it worked for him in the past to get a reaction with her. 

The reason I say I want to tell MIL off is that I have mostly only held back from it for DHs sake, so if he is not going to appreciate that, which he clearly doesn't, why bother? 

Winterglow's picture

I think when someone is rude to you that you should quite clearly call them out on it. Not be rude back to them, simply say "wow, that was rude/uncalled for". I certainly wouldn't bite my tongue for the sake of keepingthe peace. This has to do with self-respect. Rudeness is just another expression of disrespect. Don't let her off with it but don't stoop to her level.

Jcksjj's picture

I agree. But with her saying even something that simple will result in a huge hysterical meltdown that I've never felt was worth the drama. If I do its pretty much a guarantee that the relationship is completely done for, so I've avoided doing it directly myself basically only because I didnt think it was worth the situation it would put DH in - MIL hating me and since FIL is a doormat it would be more difficult for him to see his dad also. But really if hes not even going to appreciate that its all their problem to deal with. Not my fault MIL is a lunatic or that FIL wont stand up to her.

susanm's picture

Got it.  I thought he changed the subject because he knew he didn't have a leg to stand on with the axe throwing but wanted to continue the fight.

Simpleton21's picture

OMG, I would be pissed that he was pouty about an ax throwing station in the garage....WTH?!?! Doesn't he realize that you have small children and that is a bad idea.  Throwing a tantrum about it is so immature.  Maybe if you said you were concerned for SD's safety he might change his mind if his other small children aren't a concern.  Ugh, I swear these man babies are so annoying.  I say that b/c mine is the same at times and I can't stand it.  I have had to tell him multiple times I want a partner not another dependent that is harder to deal with than the actual children!  So annoyng.

Also I would disengage from MIL.  I avoid contact with my MIL as much as possible.  I know DH doesn't like it but I don't care.  She is just pure white trash and manipulative and a mooch.  He hates when I tell him he is like her with the manipulation and stuff but he is.  Sometimes the truth hurts, lol!

Jcksjj's picture

Not only that but the computer is in the garage, the ceiling doesn't meet the minimum requirements for it, and on top of it he wrecked his shoulder a long time ago rolling an ATV so he cant even throw a ball to the dog very well how would he throw an axe? He probably just wants to look cool to his buddies.

Simpleton21's picture

Wow, yeah, stupid all around on his part.  I'm sure he does just want to impress his buddies.  He better work harder at impressing his wife though Wink