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SD going down wrong path

OliviaLalee's picture

Hey everyone. I'm hoping someone will have some advice on a positive way to turn this around.

My 12-year-old SD was given an used cell phone by her mom. SD was in trouble last year for Googling male parts on her last phone, so we took it away. BM claims that we aren't being fair with SD and should give her a chance. Says she's been working hard to show we can trust her. DH and I told BM we don't agree with SD having a phone because of last time, and we especially don't agree with her having a SnapChat and Instagram account. BM set it up anyway.

Whatever, right?

So, we took SD's phone and installed tracking software before giving it back to her. Best way to proove she's on the up and up!

Yeah... the very next day, we checked the spy software. Sad She sent photos of her butt to males, referring to those she texted as n*gga, and having conversations about virginity like how she's planning on losing it this year.

DH and I have already been concerned with the music she listens too (explicit lyrics), the way she wants to dress (we don't let her), and the people she idolizes (violent, drug-using criminals that abuse women... that just happen to be popular because they are singers/athletes).

Before coming to live with us at the age of 10, SD lived in a crappy, crime-ridden little town with a mom that didn't care for her well being. SD teeth were very bad because BM would rather get a tattoo and BM would drop SD off at the Boys and Girls club so she could go do whatever with one of her several hook-ups. BM also let SD dress however, and watch/listen to whatever.

The advice we need is how do we help her to correct this in a positive way so she grows into a smart young lady not some trashy little skank?

We know that the harder we come down on her about this, the more she's going to try to resist/rebel. How do we help her see the path she's going down and what it could lead to?

Harry's picture

You have to get her into counseling,  Real counseling, not some school person.  To try to set her on the straight path. Unfortunately with her childhood, she most likely think this is normal. 

Want2's picture

The task of leading children down the right path. Some people go about it scowling and scolding the whole day through. When I was a kid I didn’t believe they were happy and thought why should I follow their guidance to unhappiness?

 I don’t think you are one of those, when you posted about a different issue you said you used encouragement and it worked. That’s a good sign. I think if you model a happy life and encourage them on a path to gain what you have you are doing enough.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

If she sends explicity pictures of herself to others, she can be charged with child pornography and have to register as a sex offender the rest of her life. It has happened to other teenagers. DH should do what ever he needs to do to limit her access to the phone.

OliviaLalee's picture

For now, she's wearing athletic shorts in the photos. DH and I are going to sit down with her this Friday... the problem was we just weren't sure what to say. 

Just one of those things where we aren't sure there really is a right thing to say. She's at the beginning of the wrong path... how do you help her see what's at the end?

Want2's picture

Maybe it would help to find out from her why she thinks it’s a good thing to do and what she hopes to gain. What path does she perceive herself as being on? Where does she think it leads? Spend some time on this angle then tell her whatever warning signs you see, on her level, once you better understand her mindset. 

Rags's picture

Take the male parts pics, butt pics, and trashy skank whore wannabe crap to CPS and let them rip this little skank whore in the making a new asshole.  Let them crawl up BM's butt.

Consequences are the only way to address this IMHO. Painful consequences for both BM and SD.