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Manipulative SD

TiredandUsed's picture

i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 8+ years. He has 2 daughters, now 25 and 27. I have 3 children who I have raised on my own since they were 2 4 and 9. They are now 18 20 and 25. The problem is that his children have never respected me and really don’t respect their father either. The eldest has always been a manipulative self centred narcassist. She seems to think she deserves everything handed to her. Never calls her father but texts him, yet that is only when she wants something. Last week I almost commented on her behaviour. She has 2 children now and now uses them as her excuse for needing things done for her. She actually texted her father to say she needed her tires changed on her vehicle before going away yet the catch was daddy needed to supply the tires, yet AGAIN! Later in the evening she then announces that she is going away to a wedding and her hotel room costs more that one we had prior looked into staying at one time. Her father lets her away with this all the time. “They are my grand children!  She drives me crazy and always gives me this smirks when he’s not looking,,,,

2Tired4Drama's picture

I suggest you do so.  These are adult women who are indeed manipulating your BF and will continue to do so.  He is complicit to their demands and probably secretly likes it as it makes him feel he is still needed as a "daddy" to his "girls."  Add in grandskids and it's a no-win.

Look into practicing disengagement.  Don't get involved with these women and don't even have conversations about them with your BF if you can help it.  If they insert themselves into your home, then you have a right to stand up to it.

Start reading the disengagement forum - it will be helpful.

MissTexas's picture

As many will point out, the BF is THE problem, and the enabler. Until he sets boundaries and follows through with consistency, the cycle will continue.

For your own sanity, and self-preservation, you must detach yourself from the chaos.

Want2's picture

“The problem is that his children have never respected me and really don’t respect their father either.”

Well but you really don’t have any skin in that game do you? You didn’t raise them and they hold nothing over your head. You owe them nothing but civility and if they are uncivil you choose to spend your time with civil people only. DH may accept their disrespect but you have the option to check out entirely from needing them to have a good opinion of you. Frankly my dear you shouldn’t give a d@mn what they think.

shamds's picture

Grandkids expenses because his kids can’t sort their shit out at the expense of my kids subsidising their half siblings kids costs would not be ok for me at all. 

My kids will still be minors when my skids have kids and that needs to be hubbys 1st responsibility

hereiam's picture

My SD tried that bullshit on DH. "Poor me, I have no money and no food to feed my two kids."

DH told her it was probably time to get a job. In the meantime, she could go to BM's and eat, or go to food pantries. Since BM is the one who raised her to be a layabout and live off of the government, it was not our problem.